A few weeks ago, I became extremely sick with a high fever. I fought and fought to get through the week. I kept praying to God to give me the strength to make it to the following week when I had an appointment to see my pulmonologist. Thankfully, God heard my prayer. He lessened my symptoms.
The morning of the appointment, I had to wake up early to pack up all my medical equipment and put everything in the car. I was not feeling very well, but with the help of God and strong black tea, I pushed through my weariness. On the way to the appointment, I abruptly became extremely ill. An hour from my doctor's office, I thought I was going to die from shaking chills, violent coughing spells, extreme heaviness on my chest, etc.
I somehow made it to the clinic. While waiting for the doctor I took my temperature: 104 degrees. My pulmonologist told me I needed to go to the emergency department for medical treatment. I did not resist her request. I knew I needed IV antibiotics and breathing treatments to open up my lungs. During my emergency department visit, I was informed I was going to be admitted. I had double pneumonia. My sputum was cultured, and the waiting game for the culture results began.
Three days later, my microbiology results came back. I still had my pseudomonas infection, and I now also had another bacteria called serratia. I needed IV antibiotics to fight these infections. The doctors submitted their request to an infusion pharmacy, and another waiting game began for insurance approval of the medicine.
I waited and waited, day after day for insurance to process my request. Finally, the doctors gave me the option to go home and assume insurance was going to approve my claim in the next 24 hours. I eagerly agreed and went home. Days passed, and I never heard anything from the insurance company. My IV antibiotics were only slated to be administered for 14 days. The end date for the antibiotics was fast approaching. I called the infusion pharmacy. My insurance company was playing games. They authorized my request; however, they did not approve the antibiotics, stating they needed more information. The pharmacy resubmitted all the information. Time continued to pass. The last day on my IV antibiotics prescription came. Insurance never approved my medicine request. No antibiotics were ever dispensed.
Despite doing my best, I again never received the complete treatment for my pseudomonas infection. I am devastated. I have been trying and trying and trying to get rid of this deadly bacteria, but God always seems to place a stumbling block in the way. I cradle my head in my hands; tears stream down my face. I am tired. So tired. I was able to receive a week's worth of antibiotics while hospitalized which allowed my infections to decrease in intensity. I still have mild symptoms, but I know at any time, this pseudomonas (and now also serratia) infection can roar back to life. I feel like a ticking time bomb. Will I get sick again today, tomorrow, next week? The uncertainty is daunting. The exhaustion from my body's constant fight against these infections drains my body of all its energy. I know all trials are from God, but I hope and pray this test is soon over. Until then, I keep hearing the lyrics of one of my favorite songs, Breathe (2 AM) by Anna Nalick.
"Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button girl
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe, just breathe..."
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