New found fame

For many of my younger years, I yearned to be noticed. I tried hard to make a positive impression on people and attempted to always be memorable. However, time and time again, people would rarely recall my presence. When my health started to take a nose dive, it was continually frustrating not having doctors remember me (and thus they would often forget what was discussed at previous appointments).

When my illness continued to advance, and I now needed to use a wheelchair, medical personnel and other people in the community started remembering me. Their memories would often not be crisp, but they would tell me they recalled meeting me. Doctors would recognize my face, but my medical history was often not called to mind. Although I was enjoying my new found fame, I also did not enjoy it. I often tried to blend into the crowd. If I needed to slip into the grocery store, I often kept my head down and hoped no one would recognize me. I just wanted to get in and out of the building quickly before my symptoms flared up.

Now, as my medical ailments have left me using a ventilator, there is no hiding. During a recent emergency department (ED) visit, the triage nurse tells me she remembers me and my last visit to the ED. I am a bit dumbfounded. I am not a frequent visitor to this hospital. My last visit to this ED was eight months ago. And prior to that, I visited this ED a year ago. (I do not know which ED encounter she was my triage nurse for.) I try to calculate how many people this triage nurse must have seen in the last 8-12 months. This is one of the busiest EDs in the country! My mind cannot comprehend how many patients must have passed through this nurse’s triage station. But despite all these people, she remembers me and my medical history!

Similar scenarios have played out over and over again since getting a tracheostomy and needing invasive ventilation. EVERYONE remembers me! I cannot go anywhere without people taking note of me in a wheelchair and using a ventilator. In an odd sense, I understand what it must be like to be a celebrity. You cannot go anywhere without folks staring and observing your presence. As much as most people long for this kind of attention, I much prefer being forgettable. What joy and pleasure it was to not have people gape at me. What a relieve it was to be able to blend into the background.

On a positive note, I now have to be constantly on guard, monitoring my actions and words. I know everything I do is noticed by the folks around me. Everything I do makes a memorable impression. No longer being invisible means that I continually have to strive to be a good representative of Christ. Since God has placed me in this position of new found fame, I shall make the most of it and try to glory Him in all that I do. “Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father” (Colossians 3:17).