What is there to fear?

As I watch another online friend enter hospice and hear the desperation in her voice, "I don't want to die!" I sadly turn away from my computer screen, wiping the tears from my eyes. I want to run to my friend, scream to my friend, that this life is not the end! I want to tell her about Jesus and share with her all His promises. I want to share with her the tremendous hope and life there is with Jesus. Unfortunately, I am not able to do this; only her close family and friends are able to speak to her, of which, I am not.

So, perhaps, maybe someone else out in cyberland is facing difficult health challenges or burdens and wants to give up or is fearful of what happens after this life. I have been tremendously blessed with developing a relationship with Jesus Christ. In Him, there is no fear, only love, peace and joy. I once feared death, but now I know God directs my path. When He decides it is my time to go, my physical body will stop functioning. However, through a loving, saving relationship with Jesus, when I am absent from this world, I will be present with Jesus in heaven.

So each day I wake up, I press forth with as much energy and effort as I can muster. Since God has not called me home, yet, I know there must be something He wants me to accomplish. When I become discouraged or when the symptoms become overwhelming, I take tremendous comfort in knowing that in heaven there is no sickness, only absolute perfection. With this knowledge in hand, I forge forth fearless. As my Pastor likes to say, "What's the worse thing that can happen to someone who knows and trusts Jesus as his Lord and Savior? He dies and goes to heaven."

My friend, if you are reading this and do not now Jesus as your Savior, I ask that you pray to Him. Ask for the forgiveness of sins. Admit there is nothing you can do to repay God for all the sins you have committed, and you need Jesus to save you from God's eternal punishment. "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Chirist Jesus our Lord" (Romans 6:23). We all have a choice; we can choose heaven (having Jesus take the punishment for our sins) or choose to be accountable for our sins and endure God's eternal judgment ourselves. I hope you choose heaven. As I prepare for the end of another day, I pray Jesus is able to comfort my online friend (and all those who are reading this). May the love of Christ fill your life; and may fear and darkness be replaced with joy and light. All my love to you.

There is a spider in my bed!!!

Ah, it is a peaceful Sunday morning. The eastern sky is alight with gorgeous pre-sunrise colors. I sleepily look at the clock; it is a few minutes after 7 a.m. I am happy it is Sunday morning. I have about 30 more minutes in which I can drift in and out of sleep before I need to get up to get ready for church. As I move in my bed, my leg itches. I reach down to scratch my leg when suddenly something scampers across my fingers. Yikes!!! What was that!?? I tear off the covers. Crawling across the inside of my blanket is a brown spider about the diameter of a golf ball!!!

I fly out of my bed. I want to kill the spider, but it is too big to squish with my fingers. I grab some tissue paper, but then I decide I do not want spider guts all over my blanket. I scoop up my blanket and hurriedly get myself and the blanket outside. I shake off the blanket onto the patio. Out drops the spider. Hallelujah! It was still in the blanket and did not crawl out before being thrust out of doors.

I try to calm my racing heart down and quickly go back inside, slamming the outside door behind me to make sure the spider does not come back inside. I gaze at the sun rising brilliantly in the peaceful sky. What a beautiful morning. I lift up a quick prayer, "Thank you Jesus for the wake up call. It truly is a gorgeous morning and a spectacular sunrise." I sit for a short time in the kitchen soaking up the glorious morning sun. I look at the clock. It is time to get ready for church and to enjoy another day praising the Lord.

The Setting Sun

My favorite time of day is when the sun is slowly drifting toward the horizon. The sky dances with colors of orange, red, pink and purple. The colors, a last spray of light before the sun sinks below the horizon, remind me of the events of the day--things I accomplished and things left undone. As the sun continues to descend, I watch the birds take one last flight before the darkness comes. Are they blue or brown or red? One cannot tell. The last bright rays of the golden sun make everything only a shadow. As the birds soar out of sight, it is a last reminder that the day's work is almost done. Evening slips quietly across the sky. The moon grows brighter with each passing moment. The noise of the day passes away. Silence fills the air. Ah, it is now night-time. The air changes ever so slightly. The rush and anticipation which fills the day sky is now turned to peace and tranquility. My body slowly relaxes. I made it through another day. Night is here. Sleep draws near. Oh, how I love this time of day!

Mast cells, reporting for duty!

The last few weeks, I have been really struggling with my allergies. I have issues from time to time with them, but I have been able to control many of my symptoms with diet and supplements for allergies (stinging nettle, bromelain, quercetin and vitamin C). Recently, though, they have been getting worse and worse. I have been getting bad coughing spells, and my airways have been spasming, making it difficult to breathe.

Yesterday I woke up with nasal congestion. Today, I could not breathe well due to thick mucus, had itchy red eyes and sounded like I had a bad cold. Suddenly, I remembered about my mast cell issues. Ah, yes, it is late August, the time of year my mast cells like to flare-up. I should have noticed this sooner because my eczema returned this week...a great indication that my mast cells are hard at work producing too much histamine.

Thankfully, I have been down this road before. I went online and started searching for the best deal for nasal spray and eye drops containing the active ingredient sodium cromolyn. Sodium cromolyn is a wonderful drug available over the counter which stabilizes mast cells. The compound prevents mast cells from releasing histamine. (This is in contrast to most antihistamines which block the effects of histamine circulating in the body but do nothing to control the mast cells.. Antihistamines can help people who have too much histamine, but ultimately, it is much more effective to prevent the mast cells from producing too much histamine.)

Finding the nasal spray can be tricky, but praise be to God it was available at the nearby pharmacy (and I was able to use a 30% off promotion and use a coupon I printed from the manufacturer's website). While at the pharmacy, I was able to pick up the eye drops too! As soon as I was outside the store, I opened both packages and started spraying my nose and putting drops in my eyes. Oh...the relief I started to feel in a few minutes was incredible! Every 3-4 hours, I would reapply the medicines. The relief I have felt has been wonderful! I ever feel like I have a bit of energy tonight! Yippee!

Joy, joy! Happy joy!!!

Today feels like a HUGE victory!!! For the last few years, I have been struggling with technology. My laptop computer has had issues for many years. I have been nursing it along. About 2.5 years ago, the computer crashed really hard and never quite functioned properly again.

In a vain effort to keep my laptop alive, I switched to using a borrowed iPad. I listen to a lot of audio, and the iPad was perfect for listening to audio. I scaled back my online endeavors to a minimum and tried only using the iPad as much as possible. Sometime in the last couple years, the iPad needed to have its operating system updated. When I started using the iPad, I would ignore the messages telling me I needed to update the iPad.

Slowly, websites stopped working on the iPad. As companies and various websites updated their systems, my iPad operating system started becoming more and more out of date. My email account stopped working, I had major issues trying to log in to Facebook (and then Facebook would often crash my iPad once I got logged in), YouTube stopped working, audio would no longer stream, etc. I decided I needed to update the iPad. I though this would be an easy task...it took only about ONE YEAR to complete! (In the meantime, I started using my laptop more and more. About a month ago, the laptop crashed a couple times in a row, and now it no longer works.)

I attempted to install the operating system, but I got a message the storage was full. Since the iPad is not originally mine, I thought maybe there were a lot of things on it which were taking up a lot of space. I cleared the iPad of extra apps. When I still got the storage is full message, I cleared off all documents, photos, videos, etc. Again, I still got the storage is full message. I diligently searched and searched how to clear the storage. I deleted everything off the iPad, disabled the iCloud storage, cleared out the iCloud storage, restarted the computer and finally did a complete factory reset on the iPad. After MANY months of fruitless efforts, I gave up. I thought about taking it to a Mac Store and seeing if they could fix the issue...but the nearest Mac Store is 10 hours away!

Today, I became very annoyed because website after website did not work on my iPad. Oh, really!? More websites which do not work. HELP!!! I became a bit more frantic today searching for a way to fix the iPad. I discovered you could sync the iPad with a Mac and use iTunes to view the iPad storage. I thought this might help identify why I kept getting the storage is full message. I commandeered a Mac and was able to sync the two together. The Mac said there was lots of storage on the iPad. While I was starting to become frustrated, a message popped up saying the iPad needed an operating system update, and asked if I wanted to update the device. I clicked through the steps, and it started to download. About an hour later, the new operating system was downloaded to my iPad. Oh, victory!!! I was screaming and shouting hallelujahs! And praise be to God! I started surfing various websites, and behold! They work!!! Oh, to be able to listen to audio again and view my emails and finally have this issue resolved!!! Oh thank you Jesus! Thank you for leading me through today and making it possible to update my iPad. Praise be to You!

Papaya..thanks for reminding me.

Lately, I have been running low on my fruit stash. I had accumulated a large store of fruit, which I kept mostly in the freezer. I have been eating it down and now am almost completely out of all fruit. Knowing my fruit supply was low, a dear friend bought me a small papaya. Oh, how wonderful! Oh how thoughtful! Yesterday, I eagerly sliced into the very ripe papaya. My oh my! How delicious it was! I slowly savored every bite. I ate about half the papaya and put the rest into the fridge for another day.

A short time later, I was in so much pain! My joints ached and my muscles burned. My heart sank. Oh, no! I must be having a bad health flare-up. I patiently kept my mind busy reading the Bible and listening to Bible commentary. Late last night, my symptoms started to slowly lessen. I thought how curious this flare-up was. It reminded me of my reactions when I eat anything made from grains. As I was pondering this, I thought , oh, I did eat papaya. I cannot remember when the last time I ate papaya...maybe five years ago? Maybe that was causing my muscles to flare-up.

As I was going to bed, I talked briefly with my mom and shared with her my potential findings. She bluntly responded, "Don't you remember? You tried papaya a couple years ago and have really bad reactions when you eat It. You get bad muscle pain." No, I do not remember, but thanks for reminding me. :)

Times like this, I have to smile. How does my she remember? It gives me another reason to praise God for my mom.

It is Friday!

I used to live every week for Friday! Oh, the possibilities that awaited me for the weekend. I planned my whole week around what I was going to do on the weekend. Should I go take a brief road trip, visit friends, go to a festival or just lounge around watching lots of television and movies? It was so exciting to go to bed on Thursdays and to wake up on Fridays! Yippee! It is the weekend!

Now, as my health leaves me home bound on most days, all the days of the week blur together. I do not know what day of the week it is. The only set day of the week I try to leave the house is on Sundays to go to church. I have missed church or been late to church because I did not know it was Sunday! Oh, there is no worse feeling than realizing part way through a day that it is Sunday, and I did not attend church.

The upside to not having a busy schedule is it leaves me free to be happy about every day. I do not loathe Mondays or spend all week wishing it was Friday. Every day, I try to be joyful and excited about the endless possibilities for the day. When I wake up, I try to praise God for giving me another day--another day to worship Him, another day to serve Him, another day to try to be a better Christian. In God's abundant love, He allows me to be glad not only on Fridays, but all week long.

You complain a lot

When I first became severely ill, I felt as though I was on a mission to tell people all about my medical woes. After every medical appointment, I always had a big story to tell of the joys or frustrations of the visit. A few years after becoming sick, I was in the midst of one of my epic medical adventure stories, when my dad looked at me and said, "You complain a lot." This comment enraged me! "How dare he say such a thing! Does he not know of all my struggles?!" I brooded on this comment for some time.

As the weeks went by, I started noticing I did complain a lot. I had never noticed how many complaints cascaded out of my mouth. Whenever something did not go my way, I made sure everyone around me knew it. I did not like the way my tongue behaved; I started diligently analyzing the words I spoke before they came out of my mouth. I also tried to be grateful for everything. In the Bible it states, "give thanks in all circustances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus (1 Thessalonians 5:18). At first, it was very hard to be grateful and even harder not to complain. Soon I found myself rejoicing in the smallest things and started praising God in everything. "Praise be to God! I dropped my apple, but it landed in my lap! Hallelujah it did not fall on to the floor!" 

Some days it is really hard to be grateful. I am consumed with pain and fatigue; everything looks bleak. During these times, I try to list things which make me happy--sunsets, baby birds, smiley faces, air conditioning, indoor plumbering, etc. I also remind myself that I should cast all my anxiety on God because He cares for me (1 Peter 5:7). It is of great comfort to cry out to God in these times. As I pray, the heavy burden of my heart is lifted. My symptoms may continue, but it is a blessing to not be ladened with all my worries.

When life gives you lemons...

With having a chronic medical condition, one of the most common questions I get asked is: "what do you do?" When I briefly explain I have health challenges which limit my activities, people always assume I need ideas for things to do. You should volunteer for (fill in your favorite organization here); you know Walmart hires disabled people; you should work from home for an online company; you should take some online courses...the list goes on and on.

I always am a bit amused by people's suggestions. I try to politely explain I have very little energy--my life is a bunch of lemons. People try to encourage me that I need to make lemonade. I then try to be kind and point out lemonade requires lemons AND water AND sugar. I have only lemons. I try to do what I can with what I have.

I figure I have two options with my life of lemons. Option one: I can deny my health challenges and try to juggle the lemons--pretending to be well and trying to live a "normal" life. I have tried that option with little success. I often could juggle my symptoms for a bit, but it was very tiresome. Addionally, I always became a horrible mess when despite my hardest efforts, I would become very ill. Unable to continue juggling, the lemons would come crashing down on top of me. Option two: I can accept I have lemons and learn to live with them. Lemons are not always easy to enjoy, but with joy in my heart and love for the Lord, every day I learn to like lemons more and more.

Supplements...good benefits, bad taste

Two weeks ago, I was really sick with a pancreatitis attack. During these times, I drink only a limited amount of fluids due to the severe pain...just enough liquids to keep me hydrated and out of the hospital. During this time, I stopped taking my supplements. I thought, how nice. I do not have to choke down all those pills and endure the awful aftertaste!

On the eighth day of no supplements, my pancreatitis attack finally stopped, but I felt absolutely awful. My body hurt in ways I had long forgotten about. I could not move without intense pain shooting through my body. Even lying in bed, I was in agony. I slept about 22 hours a day. It was a tremendous struggle to keep awake. The following day, again, I had awful pain and kept falling asleep. I decided maybe I should resume my supplements and reluctantly took all the pills. The next day, I still had intense pain, but I felt as though I had a little bit of energy to keep my eyes open. I took another round of supplements. Finally in the evening (day 2 of taking my supplements) my pain started subsiding.  On day three of taking my supplements, my pain was greatly reduced and I was sleeping a lot less. As the days continue on, the excruciating pain has not returned. Praise be to God!

 I did a lot of research to find supplements which would benefit the various symptoms/conditions I have. I have tweaked it over the years. I have run out of some supplements in the past and could feel the effect of not taking them...but there was always a doubt in my mind if the supplements worked or if it was my imagination. Well, after this, I know they work! I am so thankful that the constant intense pain and sleeping 22 hours every day have vanished. What a tremendous blessing!

And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever

Yesterday was another glorious Sunday! When I went to church, I was thrilled to see my friend, Deb, had returned!!! Her husband was sick this spring. She took him to be close to family members. She knew his time on earth was ending; she knew when she returned home, she would be returning by herself.

Yesterday, Deb shared amazing stories of her time away. She described the last days leading up to her hunsband's passing. She shared that she thanked her husband for fighting through so many medical challenges, and thanked him for staying alive for her. But now, it was time for him to go Home. Upon hearing this, her husband (Jer) opened his eyes wide. Deb quickly told him one last thing, "Hold on for a little bit longer! I need to get the kids here!" Deb was able to summon the kids to the room. Five minutes after they arrived, Jer departed this world.

When Deb saw Jer had slipped away, she told the family, although Jer is absent from his body, he is now present with the Lord. Jer's son, who has not trusted Jesus to be his Savior, became wide eyed. He felt tremendously comforted that his father's death was not the end. Jer is now truly at Home surrounded by his heavenly family. Perhaps in time, the son will make the commitment to trust Jesus and to choose heaven. What a joy it would be to have him join his dad in heaven!

As the Lord would have it, yesterday's sermon was on the very last stanza of Psalm 23, "And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever." What comfort it is as I think of Jer's passing to know he is now dwelling forever with the Lord. As I gazed at Deb, I saw a woman not engulfed in grief for her loss. Rather, I saw a woman full of strength, grace and peace. The words of Jesus drift through the air, "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you: not as the world gives, give I to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid" (John 14:27).

Deb, in this time when most people are filled with grief and sorrow, is filled with great peace and even joy. She told me she is so happy Jer is not suffering and is at Home! What a tremendous blessing Deb is to my life! What an incredible testimony she is of God's peace and love.

Softly and Tenderly Jesus is Calling (One of my favorite songs):
Softly and tenderly Jesus is calling--
Calling for you and for me.
Patiently Jesus is waiting and watching--
Watching for you and for me.

Come home! come home!
Ye who are weary come home!
Earnestly, tenderly Jesus is calling,
Calling, oh sinner, come home!

Time is now fleeting, the moments are passing--
Passing from you and from me;
Shadows are gathering, death-beds are coming--
Coming for you and for me!

Come home! Come home!
Ye who are weary, come home!
Earnestly, tenderly Jesus is calling,
Calling, oh sinner, come home!

Telemarketer

Not many people call my house. With each phone call, I think, "Oh, boy! I wonder who is calling!" Most of the time it is a telemarketer. Today, I had just gotten everything all set up to do my daily Bible study. I opened to the book of Amos and was on the brink of reading when the phone rang. Of course it was a telemarketer. I was tempted to read the person the line of Scripture I was just about to read when he interrupted me. I decided not too...but I wish I would have!
The very next verse of Scripture read: "The LORD God has sworn in His holiness, 'Behold, the days are coming upon you when they will take you away with meat hooks, and the last of you with fish hooks'" (Amos 4:2). 

Ha!!! Oh, that verse of Scripture is too funny! I know telemarketers are just doing a job, but the idea of seeing them being lead away with hooks is hilarious! I really enjoyed the laugh! Only God could have planned that timing.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life

Another day, praise God it's Sunday! Oh, my favorite day of the week has arrived. It has been a challenging week; I am wearied with trying to remember people, places and events as I connect back to people on social media. It was such a blessing to go to church today where things are familiar and comforting.

Today, the Pastor preached again on Psalm 23. Today's focus was on the first part of verse 6: "Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life." The Pastor told a story of a disabled boy and how this boy's physical challenges brought out the best in other people. Children would be kinder to the boy than other classmates. Adults would offer assistance to the boy to help him get to where he needed to go. The boy's father reflected that wherever this boy went, the goodness in people came out. Goodness followed this boy all the days of his life.

I was deeply moved by this story. I had never thought about how people's kindnesses are displayed, brought out to full brightness when I use my wheelchair or electric scooter. Many times at stores, I am offered assistance above and beyond other folks. At Walmart, I was in the self check-out area. An associate came to my register, scanned, bagged and took my payment from me. She did everything, allowing me to enjoy this wonderful luxury of her kindness. I have never thought about a medical condition as bringing out the best in other people. What a comfort to know God can use anything, even a chronic medical condition, to allow others to be their best self. Another beautiful example of God's love.

A Rude Awakening

After removing myself from media--Facebook, YouTube, blogs, etc.--for two years, I have started reconnecting with all my friends and favorite writers and video makers. In two years, my life has changed, but I had a misconceived idea that others would continue on as they always did. Oh have I been wrong! Last week I found out a girl I had conversed with many, many times, passed away. In the time I was away, her mitochondrial disease spread to her lungs, and ultimately ended her life. This week, I discovered my favorite blog writer has entered hospice care due to a failing immune system. Another dear woman who was a vocal activist also has passed away.

I am becoming very discouraged and want to pull away from the chronic illness community. My heart is broken in many pieces; my strength is dried up. How can I continue on, facing so much grief and sorrow? Like a warm gentle breeze, a verse from the book of Isaiah (chapter 40 verse 31) drifts through my mind, "but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." What a wonderful reminder to know the Lord is my strength. Through Him, I must carry on; through Him, I pray I can be of comfort and encouragement to all those who are of a broken heart. Although I too shall perish from this world, may you be able to find your hope and strength in the Lord Jesus.

The Last Two Years: An Update

Greetings! The last two years, I have removed myself from as much media as possible. My mom was in a severe car accident and suffered a brain injury. She needed assistance to get through each day. With my limited energy supply, I decided to disconnect from much of the outside world to focus my energy solely on my mom.

This time was a tremendous blessing. God showed me what it was to be an obedient servant. When I was tired and overwhelmed with exhaustion, the Lord reminded me of Jesus' sufferings on the cross. "He humbled Himself and became obedient unto death—even the death of the cross" (Philippians 2:8). I clung to this verse of scripture when I wanted to give up--when I wanted to curl up in bed and never move again. Jesus endured death on the cross--the most excruciating death known to man--for me. The least I can do is endure the fatigue and continue serving my mom as best I can.

As time progressed, I was thrilled to see my mom's progress. She grew stronger and stronger. About one year after the car accident, she started venturing away from home on her own. As she was able to do more and more for herself, I slipped away and spent more and more time in bed. My body was exhausted; the tremendous effort and energy I dedicated to helping her left its mark on my health. Muscles were weakened and some lost their function. My pancreas and GI tract continued causing challenges in my daily fight with food. My body's ability to produce a couple hormones has been greatly impaired. Despite all this, I am so grateful I was able to be of such service to my mom.

Over the next six months, I spent most of my time in bed--too tired, too weak--to do anything but sleep. It was a much needed vacation for my body. The last couple months, I have been slowly trying to do more things, but I am tired. I seem to sleep a lot, and my GI tract oscillates between bowel obstructions and pancreatitis attacks. The smallest task such putting water in a pot and turning on the stove, seems to really tire me out. Every day it is a tug of war between fatigue and sleep.

Overall, I am not sure how if my health is better or worse. Symptoms come and go. I am constantly changing my life to adapt to my body. For example, noise really bothers my ears. Last fall, I discovered wearing earplugs greatly helps me not become overwhelmed/overstimulated when I go places--church, grocery store, hospital. Before noise would cause me to develop painful muscle spasms and my heart would race out of control. Now, the earplugs block out enough sound that I can get in and out of a place quickly enough before my brain has a chance to become overwhelmed.

I hope everyone is well. Thank you so much for the love, support and prayers. It is such a blessing to have you in my life. "The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face shine upon you, and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up His countenance upon you, and give you peace." (Numbers 6:24-26)

Blessed are they that mourn

As the sun rises on another day, another dear loved one has slipped from this world into the arms of her Lord and Savior. My friend Rita, a dear woman of the Lord, fought through many health ailments the last several years. Although it is very sad I can no longer see her friendly face in this world, I am comforted to know she is out of pain.

As I offer prayers to Rita's family, Matthew 5:4 ("Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted") came to mind. Such comforting words Jesus gave us: happy will those who grieve be for they will be comforted. Although today we may sorrow, cry and have grief for the loss of our dear loved one and for the pain we suffer, we are promised happiness. What a wonderful assurance in such despairing times! We are encouraged to come to Jesus, to give him our cares and to lean on Him. Jesus tells us in the book of Matthew (chapter 11 verses 28-30), "Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."

For all those who are suffering, I pray you are able to find comfort. If you do not know Jesus, pray to Him. Ask Him for His help during this time of sorrow. Give Him all your worries. Take comfort in His arms. "Cast your burden upon the LORD and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken" (Psalm 55:22).

Simple Things

Today, I continue to patiently wait for my pancreas to cease from its current flare-up. Some days I handle the pain better than others. During this time, I must carefully walk the line trying to delicately balance how much fluids to eat/drink to fight off dehydration and how much pain I am willing to endure. Become dehydrated means I become very weak and cannot move without my heart racing out of control. Maintaining hydration means my pancreas will roar to life with pain, intestinal cramping, nausea and possibly vomiting and diarrhea. Praise the Lord, there are always good things to think about during this time.

This morning, I was lying on my stomach trying to get more comfortable, trying to lessen the pain. I suddenly was filled with immense gratitude. From 2010-2014, I used to have a feeding tube which protruded out of my abdomen. The feeding tube made it almost impossible to lie on my stomach. I do not like sleeping on my back, but that was the only position in which I could sleep without having the feeding tube contents/intestinal juice leak all over and burn my skin. This morning, I was so happy and so grateful that now I can sleep in any position. I no longer have to worry about my stoma leaking or getting my tube wrapped around something. I no longer have to listen to the swish and swirl of my feeding tube pump running. I can sleep in peace; I can sleep in any position. What a joy and a miracle that my intestines work well enough to allow me to be feeding tube free. "Rejoice in the Lord always; and again I say rejoice" (Philippians 4:4).

Wilderness Wanderings Dedication

This blog is dedicated to my friend Milly. She fought for ten years through the trials of having a genetic muscle and connective tissue disease. She selflessly shared her journey and her faith with hundreds maybe even thousands of people. She was a tremendous blessing in my life. We went through similar medical procedures and were able to encourage one another.

This spring, the Lord called her home. I try not to cry when I think about her, but the world seems just a little bit darker because I know she is not there to add her sunshine to the day. I must take comfort that she is now safe and secure in the arms of her Savior. She is no longer suffering. She can now run and jump and live free from all illness. As Milly used to say, "I'm trading my sorrows for the joy of the Lord".

My Cup Runs Over

Sunday was a challenging day. Insomnia decided to come for a visit. Sometime after 2 a.m., I fell into a restless slumber. I was awaken multiple times with fevers, night sweats and shaking chills. At 5 a.m., I was awaken by vomiting, diarrhea and stomach cramps. I tried not to be despaired and tried to be passive, letting the GI flare-up run its course. I was a bummed because it was Sunday morning. I patiently wait each week for Sunday. It is the day I go to church. I love to hear the Word of God and see all the friendly folks at church. The encouragement and joy I experience at church helps renew my strength and recharges me for another week ahead.

Now that I was in the grips of a GI flare, I had a brief conversation with God. "Ok, Lord. You know the desires of my heart. You know I need to feel better soon or I will not be able to go to church." In His abundant grace, at the time I needed to get ready to leave for church, my intense GI symptoms disappeared. I was so grateful for I knew, although I was weak with fatigue and dehydration, I could endure the adventure to church.

When I got to church, the Pastor (as he often does), took control of my wheelchair and whisked me into the sanctuary. This saves me a tremendous amount of energy. Instantly, the music in the church overwhelmed my senses. I started getting lost in worshipping God and being grateful for Jesus' blood which takes away the sin of the world. (I also had to chuckle a bit. One song talked about Jesus' blood washing me clean. I deeply love that Jesus' blood washes away my sins to allow me to stand blameless before God in the time of judgment. But I thought, oh, how I could really use a shower! If only Jesus' blood could actually wash me and make my dirty hair look clean. I still was fighting through a fever, was sweaty and felt quite "gross" in the overall state of my appearance.) Today, the Pastor preached on Psalm 23, specifically, on the last sentence of verse 5, "my cup runs over". As Pastor was going through Scripture, emphasizing all the ways God's love and mercy is abundant, I could not help but be grateful for being able to attend service and thinking about all the ways God richly blesses me. He gives me more than I need.

When it was time to go home, my friend Michelle pushed me out to the parking lot and loaded up my wheelchair into the van. She gave me a hug and told me how pretty I looked today. She also told me how good I looked and that I must be having a really good health day. Upon hearing these words, my heart swelled with joy and gratitude. I had asked God to get me well enough to attend church. He decided to overflow my cup--He gave me the health to get to church and clothed me in an appearance of good health. (I think God was also humoring me. "See, my cynical child, my Son Jesus' blood does wash you clean! No one noticed you have not showered. Please, dirty hair is nothing. I do much greater miracles all the time.") I was so joyful that my outward appearance matched the joy I was feeling on the inside--the joy to be out of bed, the joy to be at church, the joy to see so many people I love. This love and joy carried me home and will continue to carry me through the days and weeks ahead. I was tremendously grateful to have been able to enjoy a grand adventure to church and was overwhelmed (almost to tears) at having been the recipient of God's great overflowing grace.

Psalm 23:

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
 He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters.
He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil; My cup runs over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Welcome!

Hello. Welcome to my blog. Through this site, I hope to share my experiences with mitochondrial disease and provide hope, comfort and love to all who visit. If you have a question, concern or would like prayers, please leave me a message. Thanks for visiting!