The Biggest Heart-break. Thank you for being a friend!

It is hard to believe my YouTube channel is almost two years old. I have a hard time imaging what my life was like without the community and support I have from my channel. As I make videos from week to week, I try to answer people’s questions and make content which is useful. I have no barometer of my success.

As the months have rolled by, people have contacted me. Their loved one with a tracheostomy tube passed away. I cannot tell you the gut-wrenching heart-ache I feel when I read this news. Tears often stream down my face. I wish there was something I could do for the grieving family.

Today, I received a message from someone about their mother passing away. She came home in December on hospice with a tracheostomy tube. The family member stated how my videos helped as they learned how to care for a tracheostomy tube.

My mind paused reading these words. My videos helped someone. Wow! I could never have imagined that. I could never have dreamed two years ago that I would have the ability to help families as they go through various medical challenges.

For many years, I asked God why did I not die in 2008 when a massive ovarian cyst ruptured sending me into sepsis with organ failure. Why did God let me live through so many nightmares and medical disasters? My questions to God remained unanswered. And here I am, in overtime as I should have died in 2008, and suddenly my life is bringing aid and assistance to countless people around the world. I feel so humbled and unworthy of such a feat. When I thought my whole world ended the day I had to drop out of medical school, instead, it seems I was just in training. I was gathering and gaining knowledge to launch a new chapter of my life.

To all those who have passed away and their families, thank you for allowing me to be your friend. It has meant the world to me.

 

100 Videos! What a Celebration!

In late April 2020, I was bored. My medical appointments were either cancelled or being done via telemedicine. I had not left my home since mid-March. My mom had been watching a lot of YouTube videos. She told me I should have my own channel. I accepted the challenge and filmed my first video.

I had no idea what the channel would become or what the focus of the channel should be. I floundered trying to find may niche. I am not sure I have found where I belong, but my channel continues to grow and receives positive feedback. I must be doing something right.

This week as I was looking at my channel, I paused when I saw it stated I had uploaded 99 videos. WOW! It feels so surreal.

I wish I would have seen this milestone sooner, or planned for it. This week’s video (number 100) is already filmed, edited and ready to be uploaded. I am absolutely exhausted after spending a lot of time filming and editing another video to be released at a future date. I do not have the energy to film a video especially for my 100th video celebration.

Instead, I will quietly enjoy this milestone. Praising God I have had the energy and the ability to upload a video for 100 weeks. God has been so good and so kind to me. May my YouTube videos continue to be a blessing.

Calm Seas. Then Comes the Storm.

My life has been relatively calm. I go from day to day enjoying the smooth sailing. However, I am always a little on edge when my life is easy. I know this is always the calm before the storm. And indeed this was just a break before my life went into chaos mode.

First, my back went out. I thought, “I can get through this.” Then blood clots started developing in my left leg. They traveled to my lungs. They started developing in my arm with my PICC line. I told myself this was just another bump in the road. When the blood clots in my lungs threatened several times to end my life because I could not breathe, I told God I can’t die. I have many more YouTube videos to make. My life continues on.

Next, I am notified I am a potential juror for jury service. I wonder how this will play out. I contact the office to let them know I am disabled. There is no way I will be able to serve eight hours a day. Documentation needs to be submitted, but I have to wait to receive the official disability documents from the court. It then will be a race to try to get a fast doctor’s appointment to have the documents filled out, signed by my physician and returned by the deadline. The court will make a decision if I qualify for dismissal due to being disabled.

Next, an insurance agent deceives me and tries to change my health insurance. I catch on at the end of the call. I scream at the man to leave my insurance alone. I will find out in the next few weeks if my insurance changes or if it remains the same. If it changes, I will owe about $1,200 a day for my IV nutrition and ventilator.

Then, the heat fails on our home. If we turn the heat on, the power goes out. The only way to have electricity is by leaving the heater off. I bundle up, praising God for thermal underwear and a heating pad. I am cold, but it is not terrible.

As my body is overwhelmed with all these issues, my health abruptly fails. I wake up early Sunday morning. I have severe abdominal pain. I start vomiting. I know this is a bowel obstruction. I fight through. The pain is unrelenting. Finally, I go to the emergency department (ED) on Monday. I wonder if I should have stayed home. The ED is packed!

 An hour after arriving, an ED doctor sees me in a side room to do an assessment. He notices my skin is yellow. He says my heart rate and breathing are fast. He says I am sick. I feel relief that perhaps I should be here. Yet, I fight with all my might to not bolt out the door and go home.

The long ED visit continues. I am informed I have an ovarian cyst, jaundice and systemic inflammatory response syndrome (SIRS). My white blood cell count is high. Other markers are abnormal. No one knows for sure what is wrong with me. I am very sick, but there is no clear picture of what is making me so ill.

I am discharged 27 hours after arriving at the ED. I am grateful to be home, but I do not want to deal with my ovarian cyst. Preliminary scans show it is the same type of cyst which nearly killed me in 2008. This cyst will mostly likely have to be removed via surgery. I do not want to undergo any procedures. I will hope and pray the cyst will go away and will not rupture or twist in the meantime. I also will pray this wicked storm of events quickly ends, and I can once again be sailing on smooth seas.

Is that the Lion King? A Fun Telemedicine Appointment

Today I had a telemedicine appointment. My back is extremely sore. So, I was in bed lying down to have the virtual visit. As the appointment progresses, the medical provider stops in mid-sentence. She then moves closer to the screen. She stammers, “Is that, is that Nala?” She continues to look at my bedding in the background. There is a Lion King comforter and two Lion King pillows. The provider then says, ‘The Lion King. I have the EXACT same bedding set at home. I have the comforter, sheets and pillow case.”

I start laughing. I use my Lion King pillows often. They have appeared in many of my YouTube videos. I have had people comment on my choice of background pillows. It has been stated viewing these items takes them back to their childhood.

After the medical provider stares for a few more moments, she apologizes and goes back to the appointment. I can see she is distracted for a while as she continues to look at my Lion King bedding. Soon the appointment ends.

This incident makes me laugh. Most of the time, I am told the bedding makes people think of their childhood, but this woman still has the items at her home. Some people outgrow their childhood while others like to keep reliving it. For me, I still have the items because they are still usable. I am thrifty. Why throw out good bedding? Besides, it has made for some great conversations.

A Telemarketer Reminds Me to Call My Insurance

My insurance company recently changed, and I am still getting adjusted to the new protocols and methods needed to do business with this corporation. Once thing which must be done is to call the health insurance company to have appointments approved. I have to call between two and 30 days before my appointment.

I do not like this procedure. The insurance company does not handle the claims. Instead another company is contracted to do the work. This third party is a challenge to work with. The wait on hold is long. The representatives do not know a lot about how to handle the claims. I cannot tell you how many times things were filed wrong and the claim was denied or not processed correctly (which lead to the claim being denied).

I have an appointment coming up. I knew I had to call to get the appointment approved. I meant to call last week, but I forgot. I would often look at the clock and see it was 5:05 p.m. The company closes at 5 p.m. I would tell myself I would call the next day.

Today, at 3:50 p.m., the phone rings. I see on the caller ID it is my insurance company. I answer the phone. No one is there. I then remember I need to call to document my upcoming appointment. I smile when I see it is only 3:50. I can still call the company.

I pick up the phone and dial the number. To my shock, the phone goes straight through to a representative. This NEVER happens! I usually have to wait on hold. Quickly, the information is uploaded. My appointment is approved. I hang up the phone and cannot believe it went so smoothly.

I thank God over and over again for the telemarketing call. The call came at the perfect time, It was the right time to call my insurance company because there was no wait to get through on the phone. I love how God sends gentle reminders of what we need to do.

Medical Roller Coaster

A number of years ago, I had a pulmonologist I really liked. However, at an appointment four years ago, I noticed there seemed to be a divide in our relationship. It seemed as though a root of bitterness, mistrust or some deep-seated resentment had taken hold of my physician. I decided it was my imagination. I did not get another doctor.

Two years later, out of the blue, all hell broke loose at an appointment. The underlying anger, bitterness and hostility raged to the surface and burst forth into the open air. I was stunned. I was left without a physician just as the virus began shutting down our cities.

It has been hard to recover from this blow. But, I know all things are from God. There was something I needed to learn. I continued on with my life.

Last year, another physician seemed to have odd behavior toward me. I immediately had the feeling I needed to drop this doctor and find someone else to treat me. But where was I to go? Instead, I delayed a follow-up appointment. Maybe in six months, the relationship would be better.

At my next appointment, the doctor was completely off the wall. He was telling me things which completely contradict things known about my medical condition. He kept questioning my medical records. Do I still have an allergy to a particular food? I said I have a severe reaction when I eat the item. I have not eaten it in over a decade. The doctor then put a question mark next to my food allergy stating since I have not eaten the food recently we cannot be sure I am still allergic to it.

More and more things arose during the appointment which were really bizarre. I had the words, “Run! Run far away from this doctor!” float through my head. When the appointment ended, I was nearly in tears. The doctor wanted to end some life saving treatment I am receiving. I was stunned. For the first time in many years my health is relatively stable. But now, the doctor wants me to stop receiving the therapy to see what happens.

In a panic, I call my primary care doctor’s office. I hope and pray I can get an appointment to see my doctor. To my shock, I am able to see my physician the next day. At the appointment, I ask my doctor if he will sign off on my orders to receive my treatment. Without hesitation, he agrees. I want to jump for joy but also collapse in a heap and cry. And just like that, the tides have turned.

As I think back about the recent events, my old pulmonologist floats through my mind. I had warning signs to leave her, but I did not heed the signals. This time, I again saw the writing on the wall. I wanted to make sure the warning was true. I then took immediate action and for the moment, I have been spared going through significant emotional and physical consequences.

It has been quite a roller coaster.

POP! Oh My Back!

 Twenty years ago, I injured my back. I was in excruciating pain. I pushed through it, but the pain would not go away. I went to the doctor and had testing done. I was told everything was normal. However, I could barely walk and spent my free time in bed. I went to endless chiropractor appointments. Nothing seemed to help. Eventually, over the next six years, the pain decreased. However, I have to be extremely careful.

I have a difficult time wearing many bottoms because the waistband lays across my back injury. Anything which cuts across my back causes crippling pain. As much as possible, I wear loose fitting pajama bottoms which I can roll down to a comfortable level.

 

A few weeks ago, I lifted an item which was heavier than I thought it was. “POP!” There went my back. I re-activated my old back injury. It healed over the next few days. Then, I again lifted an item. My back groaned. I pushed the ailment aside. I kept ignoring my back’s cries for help.

Yesterday, my back erupted in a hot fury. I crawled into bed and hoped the pain would go away.

Today, I woke up. Oh my back! The pain was intense. I plugged in a heating pad. As my muscles loosened, I tried stretching my back muscles. It helped. I then moved, and my back exploded in pain. Back on the heating pad I went. I hope the pain goes away soon. When my back acts up, the pain travels up my spine, through my neck and ends at the top of my head. The pain also travels down my legs and ends at my toes. I wish I knew what was wrong with my back, but for the moment I am thankful and grateful for my heating pad. We are in a “hot” relationship!