Why Don't You Want to Be a Hero?

Recently, I went with a group of 30 people to visit a nature park. The park was very beautiful. The scenery was breath-taking. Shortly into the visit, a woman collapsed to the ground. I rushed over to her as well as a few other people. I helped get the woman into a sitting position. She was much too weak to stand up.

The woman was very dehydrated. She recently started taking a new medication which causes dehydration. The woman admitted she did not drink very much that day because she was concerned she would have to use the bathroom while at the nature park. The woman had a bottle of water with her. I sat with the woman while she drank some water and rested.

Approximately 15-20 people saw this woman fall to the ground. Four people came to her rescue and lifted the woman into a seated position. One of the people who helped was a man with very large muscles. It was evident that he worked out on a regular basis. Of the four people who helped, I was the only person who stayed with the woman. I was flabbergasted. Not one male stayed behind to assist this woman. (In addition to Mr. Muscle, one other guy had very large muscles, and six other physically-fit men walked passed this woman and continued on their way through the park.)

After the woman rested for a while, I helped lift her to her feet. The woman was very unsteady. I caught the woman before she crashed back down to the ground. It took an HOUR to slowly help this woman make her way back to the bus. During this time, I had to carry not only all my own medical equipment, but I also had to assist the woman walking--at times, the woman collapsed her full weight onto me.

Praise be to God, we made it back to the bus. Everyone in the group was waiting for us. I staggered back to my seat and slumped down. I thought I was going to pass out from a combination of exhaustion and excruciating pain. When I got home, I went to bed for a week.

As God allowed things to happen, I ran into one of the big strong muscle men at the store. The man told me I was a hero, and he told me how impressed he was that I helped the lady. I was far too exhausted and disgusted with this man to say what was racing through my mind. Instead, I simply said, "I did what needed to be done."

I really wanted to say to the man, "You clearly work out regularly. Look at those large muscles you have. YOU could have helped this woman. YOU could have easily assisted this woman back to the bus. But instead of helping, you hurried away. Why? Why do you NOT want to be a hero? I do not understand. Why work out and cultivate large muscles if you are not willing to use them? You disgust me, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"

In a time when someone needs help, I am not sure why people are able to help are not willing to exert a little effort and save the day. Instead, the work of assisting those who are in most need of help often falls on those who are already taxed to the brink of their existence...and yet, somehow, these are the people who step up and do what needs to be done.

Part II: The Nightmare…She is a Psychopath

In late January, my relative’s health started declining. I really needed to find someone to help her. I again approached this woman I had met and asked if she wanted to be a caregiver for my relative. I even did something I do not do—I told her she did not have to sign the contract. She could try out the job and work when she wanted to. The woman was thrilled at this idea.

We communicated back and forth discussing what would be expected of her. Out of the blue, the woman told me she did an extensive background check on my relative. She told how she knew everything about her including some of her very personal health information. There was nothing she did not know. I was spooked by this revelation. If the woman wanted to know anything about my relative, I would have told her. 

Moreover, the tone of the woman’s voice was a mixture of taunting, boastfulness, and blackmail. The woman reminded me of a stalker. Thankfully, the information the woman obtained was incorrect. I am not sure where the woman got the information from, but fortunately, the information was wrong. When I pointed out to the woman that the information was incorrect, and if she wanted to know something about my relative, she could ask me. The woman back-peddled and said she just wanted to get to know my relative better. She apologized and said she hoped the slip-up would not ruin her job prospect. I again gave her the benefit of the doubt.

In March, the woman said she wanted to set up a time to meet my relative and do some basic training. Due to scheduling conflicts, we were not able to work anything out until May. I was very disappointed with this timeline, but even though I went out of my way to try to accommodate the woman, nothing worked in her schedule until May.

That night, I had terrible nightmare. I do not remember what the night terror was about. All I remember is waking up in the middle of the night with my heart racing. I was drenched in sweat, trembling, and in an absolute panic. The first thing which raced through my mind was, “I can NOT hire this woman.” For the next several days, I suffered poor health; my body was ravaged by the nightmare. I decided to keep this woman at a distance to give myself time to make sure I was seeing everything with a proper mindset.

Even though our meet-up was set for May, the woman insisted on communicating with me on a daily basis. I told the woman I was very busy. I did not have time to talk to her every day. Still, the woman contacted me every day. I was severely chastened if I did not respond at least once a day to her multiple messages. 

She began sharing things about her life with me. She told me about a former employer. She claimed the owners were very mean to her. When she was told to take out the trash because the trash was full, she was furious and refused to do so. She said some very nasty things about the owners. I tried to give the woman the benefit of the doubt, but it seemed clear from everything happening, the woman may have some behavioral and/or mental health issues.

The woman wrote a wicked message to me, telling me what a rotten person I was. The woman’s words made it abundantly clear she had mental health issues. I began writing the woman a letter to let her know she was not going to be a caregiver to my relative. It took me about a week to craft the letter. In the meantime, the woman sent a follow-up and said she was having a bad day. I should forgive her for her emotional outburst. I decided to forgive her, and I did not send her the termination letter.

Then, my relative became ill, and I had to go to the hospital. I did not have access to my email. Thus, I did not respond to anyone’s emails for over a week. During this time, the woman flew into a hot rage and sent me an email dripping with abusive speech. I decided I was not going to respond to her.

I sought counsel from various people in my life. I read them some of the emails the woman sent me. They all agreed this person has some serious mental health issues. It is best if I separate myself from the person. I told myself I was going to end all communication.

The woman sent me an apologetic email after she learned my relative was in the hospital. She asked me to forgive her for her previous email. Against my better judgment, I decided to send the woman her termination letter (which I had originally drafted about a month earlier). I was very kind in it, stating that my relative’s care was becoming very complex. Special skills and training were needed. The woman was not going to be able to provide the required services. I had decided to search for someone else who would be able to do nursing level care. I apologized for the job not working out.

I thought the letter was very clear. However, the response I received from the woman indicated the opposite. The woman took everything I said and twisted it into abusive language against me. She then asked if she still had the job.

At this point, I decided I had given the woman enough chances. I had given her the benefit of the doubt over and over again, and yet, she continued to show very scary character traits. I did not respond to her last correspondence. I am through with this woman and her abusive language. I am glad God warned me about this woman; I wish I would have heeded His insight many months ago. But as with all things, this too is for the good. I have decided to not hire anyone without thoroughly vetting them first. God saved me and my family from a very awful situation. I cannot imagine the potential harm this woman may have done to my relative.

 

Click Here for Part I 

 

 

 

Part I: God Answered My Prayer--Why Didn't I Listen?

Since last year, I have had my eyes and ears open to find a caregiver for a relative of mine. She was facing a lot of health challenges, and I thought she could use the assistance of someone coming in every day and helping with some of her medical care. I had a few prospects, but quickly it was evident they would not be able to do the tasks required.

Then, suddenly, I met a woman. She was very kind, caring, and compassionate. I thought to myself, “This is one of the nicest people I have ever met.” I immediately thought about my relative, and I thought the two of them would probably get along very nicely. I pondered for a long time if I should ask the woman if she wanted to help provide some caregiving services to my relative.

After more time passed, the woman asked me if I knew of anyone hiring. She needed a job. She specifically wanted something in the caregiving field. I could not believe my ears. This would be such a perfect solution for my relative. Before I offered the woman the job, I prayed to God about the situation. Usually, when I pray, I do to get any strong feelings. However, this time, I immediately got what felt like a kick in the stomach. I also heard a loud, booming, “NO!”

I thought this was very odd. Why would God not want this nice woman to provide care to my relative. I decided I must have imagined everything. I opened my Bible and began reading where I had left off the previous day. The very next words of the Bible made it ABUNDANTLY clear that I should not hire the woman. But, again, I was perplexed. After much deliberation, I decided to ask the woman if she would be interested in becoming a caregiver for my relative.

When I hire people, I stipulate they MUST sign a contract. This is for everyone’s protection. The contract lays out the caregiver’s duties and expectations. It also discusses time off, vacation time, sick time, etc. I find having a contract helps guide the caregiver in providing the services needed.

When I brought up to the woman the prospect of being a caregiver for my relative, she was very excited. When I said if she would like the job, she needed to read through a contract which outlines everything she will be required to do as well as policies for time off, holidays, sick days, etc. and sign it. Suddenly, the woman became very stand-offish. She said she was not willing to commit to anything. I was a little confused how she responded, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt. She was not ready for a commitment.

I continued to periodically correspond with the woman. I observed her demeanor started to change. She went from being very upbeat and positive to being very negative. She began telling me things which happened in her life. She always seemed to be the innocent one, and people frequently took advantage of her kindness. In a short time, everything became doom and gloom. I again gave her the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps she was going through some tough times. I wanted to show kindness to this woman to help her through her difficulties.

Click here for Part II