Stuck--When You Can't Move On

Recently I released a video about how an interaction with a friend has more or less ended our friendship. The person used to be very kind and caring. However, over the years, things have happened to the person, and the person cannot seem to get over them.

I talked about one particular medical issue the person was having in my video. What I did not relay in the video is that the medical issue is not a new issue. It is something the person has been struggling with for eight years.

Eight years ago, my friend went to the doctor because she was having abdominal pain. She saw a GI doctor. The GI doctor (without doing any testing) told the woman he could help her, but he was retiring the next week. So, he could not help her. My friend was devastated.

Instead of finding a different doctor and getting testing done to find out the root cause of her GI pain, the woman has chosen to remain stuck—stuck with her miserable GI pain and also stuck mentally. She cannot get over that she found the perfect doctor, but that doctor retired and can no longer help her. 

Perhaps, I should re-iterate here, the doctor did not do any testing. He did not know what was wrong with the woman. When the doctor said he could help, there is a mystery as to what he meant by his words. Was he willing to do testing? Was he willing to do a thorough workup? Was he just telling the woman this because she was paying for the appointment out of her own pocket, and he wanted to get paid for a worthless appointment? (I am sorry to be so negative here, but when a doctor accepts a new patient on the verge of his retirement, I highly question the physician's ethics.)

Since that time, every time I talk to the woman, she seems to spiral more and more into the abyss of negativity and darkness. She constantly speaks about the incident with the GI doctor as if it was yesterday.

I feel sincerely sorry for my friend, but I have decided to walk away. I do not want to hear the same rant over and over again every time I talk to her. There are only so many times I can say, “I am sorry that happened to you” At some point, the woman needs to move on with her life…but it seems she can’t.

The thing which really makes me confused is that the woman professes to be a devout Christian. This confuses me because one of the tenets of Christianity is forgiveness. It seems after eight years, this woman cannot forgive the doctor for retiring.

"For if you forgive men their trespasses, then your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." (Matthew 6:14-15) 

It's Another Year...Has Anything Changed?

I do not make New Year's Resolutions. I prefer to change my life as things come along. If I notice I am speaking too much negativity, I work on speaking more in a positive light. If someone criticizes one of my YouTube videos, I re-think how to present information.

Tonight at Bible Study, we studied the end of chapter two in the Book of Job. We read how Job's friends were silent for seven days as they sat next to Job, who was grieving. This image stunned me. In a world of information overload, I wondered how anyone could sit for an hour in silence, much less seven DAYS in silence. 

I then began reflecting on my life. I recently met a very sweet woman who has a quiet demeanor. It has taken me some trial and error to figure out that the way she communicates is by thinking for several minutes about what she wants to say. She then presents a short monologue on her thoughts and feelings. Interacting with the woman is hard...it is VERY hard. To sit in silence for several minutes eats away at my impulsiveness. But I am trying. I am trying to still the never-ending commentary which seems to constantly overwhelm my brain.

I also reflected on Bible Study. I used to stand very firm in my beliefs. If someone said something I did not agree with, I interjected and gave a short disputation on why the person was wrong. As I have aged, I have noticed people do not like to be corrected. Thus, I try to quell my tongue and keep my thoughts to myself.

The last two weeks at Bible Study, people have said things which I knew were incorrect. One idea was not a big deal. The person did not know about a treatment available for a certain medical condition. The other issue, which arose, was being told I said something wrong. I immediately thought of the Scripture I was quoting and pondered if I was remembering the verse correctly. I quietly looked up the verse in my Bible. And there it was, exactly how I had remembered the verse. I could have easily called attention to the Bible verse, which would have vindicated my original words. However, I let the comment go. I allowed silence to permeate the air instead of confrontational words.

So often I feel as though I have failed. I try to change things about myself, but I usually see no progress. For ten YEARS I have been working on holding my tongue and letting things go. I have witnessed myself fail over and over again, and if this would have been a New Year's Resolution, I would have abandoned the notion long ago. But here I am, a decade later, and FINALLY I am seeing some positive results.

I need to take this moment and celebrate my small victories. So often I only see my short comings and my mistakes. I frequently only focus on how I could have handle a situation differently. But for the moment, I want to soak in these small wins and rejoice I am making progress.

“Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, ‘This is the way; walk in it.’”  Isaiah 30:21