Part Six: Happy thoughts...please happy thoughts come to me

I sit in the emergency department (ED) shaking in pain, struggling to breathe and wishing someone would come soon! I can’t breathe. The pain! Oh! Everything is exploding in pain! Please someone help me!

My nurse had been in to visit me previously...how long ago was that? She informed me there was a shift change. The doctor would be in to see me shortly. The minutes tick by. No one comes. Oh please, someone come!

 

Finally, over an hour after shift change has occurred, a nurse in the hallway sees me through the open door to my shared ED room. She asks what is wrong. I can’t communicate. I point to my tracheostomy. The nurse asks, “You can’t breathe?” I shake my head yes. The nurse runs for help.

In an instant there are far too many people in my room. Fentanyl is ordered. My blood pressure is low. The doctor orders more fluids. A respiratory therapist suction’s my lungs. A doctor does an ultrasound on my abdomen and heart. A nurse puts a thermometer into my mouth. It reads 102.3 degrees. The pain is raging. I think I am going to die. My nurse gives me 50 of fentanyl. After a short while, my breathing starts calming down as my pain decreases. The medical personnel vacate my room.

As I sit in the bed, I can feel the fentanyl wear off. Oh the pain! It’s coming back! My breathing is growing ragged. My body starts back trembling again. Even though antibiotics are being administered, I can feel the infection raging out of control! I have a very elevated white blood cell count. The chest X-ray shows pneumonia.

“How long, LORD? How much more? Please send healing my way.” I attempt to read the Bible through pain. The book of Ezekiel is where I last left off my Bible reading. God chastens Israel for their disobedience. I allow the sorrow which wells up in my heart as I mourn for Israel’s lack of faith in God to melt with the pain radiating throughout my body. “Thank You, LORD, for your precious word. Amen.”


(For the link to Part Seven click here)