When someone keeps throwing acid in my face.

Last year someone contacted me because he was an advocate for people with a certain medical condition. The people afflicted with this ailment frequently need a tracheostomy tube. The person wanted information about tracheostomy tubes. I politely emailed the person a number of times. We shared our knowledge. The conversation died out.

Recently, someone emailed me. I had no idea who the person was. The person DEMANDED I answer the email and the laundry list of questions included in the email. The email was sent late in the evening. I was already in bed. The following day, just 14 hours after the first email was sent, the person wrote another lengthy email, which included a LONG rant about what a horrible person I was because I had not answered the first email.



The email was quite vicious and dripped with venom. It disturbed me so much, I had a terrible night of sleep, one which was full of nightmares.

I speculated this person must have been given my email address from the man who contacted me last year (since the person suffered from the same medical condition the man was advocating for. This assumption was unofficially confirmed when a reference was made to the organization the man worked for in a subsequent email.).

I spent about two hours responding to the emails. I gave the person extensive information answering the questions asked. I gave resources to help the person understand the concerns raised.

The response I received back was in short, “Yeah. My doctor told me the same thing. But I am not going to do it.” And then the person went on and on about all the complications which have arisen since the advice was not followed.

Included in this email were many hostile words which seared my soul to the core. I could not understand why this person was filled with such contempt when I had done nothing but been polite and had spent HOURS trying to help the person.

There was no reason I had to answer they person’s emails. I could simply not respond.



I prayed to God, “What should I do?”

I heard in my head a saying from a preacher, “Hurt people hurt people.”

Let me expand this saying. If someone is hurt, the person will lash out and hurt other people. The person writing me these emails probably feels hurt. In turn, I am the target of the person’s ill feelings.

I decide to respond to the emails, but I employ a tactic I learned long ago. Do not say anything in the email. Give no advice. Do not relate anything to my own life. Simply read the email and respond, “Thank you for sharing xxx with me. I am sorry xxx did not go as you had hoped.” And continue the email in broad statements which should not elicit any negativity. Be support but do not give any information which can be turned around and used as a basis to throw acid in my face.

So far, this style of writing seems to have worked. It is allowing my wounds to heal.

The Fight to Keep Going...

Exhaustion pulls my body into a heap on the bed.
I fight to keep my eyes open.
I scream out to God, “I am tired! I do not want to do this anymore! I just want to live out my days watching mindless videos.”

Messages come to me via Facebook, YouTube and email.
People want help.
People are confused.
People are begging for guidance.

I sigh, and begin another long night of correspondence.
My eyes are bleary.
It’s hard to make my thoughts coherent.

I try to be polite.
I try to be nice.

One comment reads, “Thank you for making your videos. One a very dark night, you saved me from ending my life.”

The tears of fatigue which were ebbing at the corners of my eyes come rushing down my cheeks as tears of sadness.
I saved someone’s life? No. God directed this person to my video and helped the person realize suicide is not the answer.

Pushing the tears from my face, I thank God for His kindness.
I sigh and say, “I guess I will make more videos. If You can use my channels to save lives, who am I to discontinue Your work.”

I finish my correspondence and collapse onto my pillow.
As sleep tugs at my eyelids, I begin thinking of new YouTube video ideas.
And soon, sleep overtakes me.

One thing after another…What a long day!

Yesterday I had to travel 45 minutes to the city to get blood work done and have a doctor’s appointment. It should have been a relatively short visit. However, challenge after challenge seemed to pave the way.

When I arrived at the doctor’s office, it was PACKED! I have never seen the waiting room so full…and full of sick people—coughing and sniffling. I had to spend an hour and half in the waiting room. I tried to isolate myself from everyone, but it was difficult since there were so many people.

When I got to a room, the nurse quickly took my vitals, and she was gone. The doctor arrived shortly thereafter. He stepped into the room and then left. His laptop was dead. He had to go find a charger. Twenty minutes later, he returned. The appointment was not productive. The doctor would not give me a medicine for a common medical issue. Instead, he referred me to a specialist.

After spending 2.5 hours at the clinic, I was able to leave.

 Next, I went to get my blood drawn. Praise be to God, there was no one waiting at the lab!

When the technician looked at my arms, the obvious blood vessel to draw from she would not use. She said the vein was too hard. She said she might hit a nerve. Instead, she went for a really difficult to access vein. She missed. She dug around in my arm and found a nerve which she tried to draw blood from several times. I nearly jumped through the roof from the pain.

She finally gave up and withdrew the needle. She then used a different needle and easily got blood from the large vein which was bulging in my arm.

After the blood draw, my arm felt as though it was being electrocuted. Pain radiated up and down my arm.

When I got home, my pharmacy called me. I missed the call, but they left a voicemail. I dialed my voicemail and tried to put the phone on speaker phone. Instead of speaker phone, the key pad appeared on the screen. Since I could not hear my phone, I put the phone up to my ear. My cheek bumped the screen and hit the number 7. My voicemail told me the message was marked for deletion. But I never heard the message!

Next, I was called and informed of my appointment with the specialist my physician referred me to. I am unable to go to the appointment. I have tried calling the specialist’s clinic over and over again, but I cannot get anyone to pick up the phone.

That was my day yesterday. But God did richly enrich my evening. I am grateful for God’s tender mercies!

This is weird…People are remembering me

When I became severely ill in 2009, I quietly exited the world. When I could no longer attend events, people forgot about me. Holidays and birthdays came and went, and no one sent me greetings. Special celebrations would be held for special occasions, and my invitation never came.

This year, there seems to have been a shift in the world. Suddenly, people are remembering when my birthday is. I received several birthday cards this year.

And then this December, I am receiving Christmas cards. Usually my mail during this time of year is slim. I get a card from one or two relatives. Occasionally someone remembers me and addresses a card to my parents as “Mr. & Mrs. & Family”.

But this year, I have received seasonal greetings from quite a few people. I actually have a “stack” of cards. This seems so foreign to me. I had to dig through my stationery box to find holiday greeting cards. As each card arrives in my mailbox, I then slowly begin the process of writing a thank you note for the person’s kindness.

(I say slowly, because the muscles in my hand fatigue quickly. Writing just a short message takes a tremendous toll on my hand and causes quite a bit of pain. I can only write out one card a day and then need to let my hand rest for a day or two.)

I feel so blessed and honored so many people have remembered me this year. Thank you for your kindness.

Closed Captioning: Another New Adventure

From time to time, YouTube sends me emails about ways to improve my channel. I really enjoy these notices because they contain valuable information. Recently, they sent me information on how to create closed captioning on my videos. I watched a video on how to change the closed captions which are on my current videos.

Through trial and error, I discovered how to insert the actual transcript of my videos and create closed captions. I then have to watch the video to make sure the captions sync with the video.

I wish I could say this is a quick and easy process, but it is not. The “auto-sync” feature works, but it often breaks the captions at the wrong place or changes the captions too quickly. I have to re-configure the captions. It can take 30-40 minutes to align the captions with my speaking. It is a tedious process, but I hope the end product will make my videos accessible to more people.

Six Years on a Ventilator

On December 5, 2016, I woke up and could not breathe. I went to my doctor's office. After being evaluated, I was sent to the hospital to be admitted. While at the hospital, a respiratory therapist fitted me with a mask and had me try non-invasive ventilation. I was scared and felt so alone.

The following day, a non-invasive ventilator was ordered for home use. Later in the day, on December 6, 2016, I was sent home with a ventilator. 

 I could never have imagined my life changed at the moment. I could never have imagined from that time forth, I would be attached to a ventilator wherever I went. My ability to breathe on my own was compromised. I was entering a new phase in my medical journey.

I will not lie. Six years ago seems like a lifetime ago. I have had more life or death situations than care to think about. I have had to learn about respiratory equipment and tracheostomy tubes. It has been a crash course and many trials and errors.

I hope, wish and pray one day I will wake up and never need a ventilator again. But in the meantime, I rejoice for the medical science and technology which helps me keep on keeping on.

May this next year be free from medical complications and hospitalizations. May this next year be my best year yet. Thank you for all your support. Happy Ventilator Sixth Anniversary!

Panic! I have 4 minutes to make it to my appointment!

Last week, I had a doctor’s appointment. Before going to the clinic, I planned extra time to stop off at the grocery store to buy some food. That shopping experience took longer than anticipated. (For more details about my grocery store fun, please click here)

When I got in the car and was ready to travel across town, I was panicked! It was 3:26 p.m. My appointment was at 3:30. Thankfully, traffic was light. The car glided through the roadways without any issues.

When we arrived at the clinic, there were no parking spots. We had to park really far away. I raced as fast as I could into the clinic. I signed in. It was 3:40. I was happy I was not terribly late for my appointment. Plus, this doctor usually runs behind. When called for my appointment reminder, the receptionist told me to be prepared to wait 2 hours to see the doctor.

I zip off to use the bathroom. When I exit, I am overwhelmed with fatigue and muscle tremors. Due to all the stress and chaos, my blood sugar is rapidly dropping. I am prepared for this. I have an apple in my pocket and water stashed in my backpack. I take out the water and chug down nearly an entire half liter. I then hurriedly eat the apple.

I just get done with the apple and then a nurse calls me. I gather up all my medical equipment, and the nurse pushes me in my wheelchair. She takes me to an exam room. She takes my vitals. She then has me pack up all my medical equipment and takes me to a different room. I get my ventilator and heated humidifier plugged in to the wall outlet.

I am getting myself adjusted in my wheelchair when the nurse comes back. “Oh sorry, “ she says. “You are next to see the doctor. We need to switch rooms.”

I unplug my equipment and pile it back on to my lap. We change to a different room. I then unload my equipment and get settled again.

By this time, I am extremely tired. I desperately want to put my feet up as blood is rapidly pooling in my legs. This is causing my heart to beat quickly. However, I know it will only be a few minutes until the doctor comes in to see me. I decide to endure my symptoms.

A few minutes later, the doctor enters. The appointment goes well. I am on antibiotics for an infection. The infection has not cleared. The doctor tells me he will prescribe one more week of medicine. I silently pray to God, “Oh, please. I really need two more weeks or antibiotics.”

The doctor briefly chats with me. As he is filling out my medical report, when he gets to the treatment plan, he stops. His hands hang over the keyboard with his index finger hovering over the number 1. After a few moments, he says, “One week of antibiotics may not be long enough. I am going to prescribe 2 weeks of antibiotics.” I silently praise God for this kindness.

The appointment ends. I then wait at checkout to schedule my next appointment. The woman in front of me takes a long time. Thankfully, the receptionist sees me waiting. She looks up my chart and schedules my next appointment. She gives me my appointment card. I leave the building (and the other woman is still sorting things out at the checkout desk).

When I get to the car, I praise God everything went so smoothly. When I look at the clock it is 4:37 p.m. I am overjoyed. When I was told the day before I would have to wait two hours to see the doctor, I had prayed to God that I would not have to wait that long. I had asked for my appointment to be finished before 5 p.m. And God had now answered my prayer in a favorable way. After a very long and strenuous day, this was such a wonderful kindness.