Pain. A test of patience.

Of late, pain has been lurking around every corner. I will have a severe pancreatitis attack and will be have residual pain for several days after. Soon, the pain subsides, and my ability to eat fruits and vegetables returns. But there is always a chance at any moment, my pancreas can roar back into a severe pain attack.

I wait patiently for the pain to pass. I try to fight through the endless hours of my pancreas spasming and cramping. I greatly desire to be free from this beast. I have a scant amount of pain medication. I know if I take a pill, it means I have one less pill in the future…and there is always the fear that a future attack will be worse than the one I am experiencing now. In desperation, I break a pain pill in half and combine it with acetaminophen. I wait the 60-90 minutes it takes for the pills to take effect.

I watch the clock tick incredibly slow. When 60-90 minutes pass, I pray for pain relief. Many times, pain relief never comes. I continue waiting for pain relief, but the pain medicine is not strong enough.

I wait and wait for my pancreas to stop hurting. Will it be 3 hours, 6 hours or 24 hours before the pain breaks? I do not want to think about the long hours ahead of me.

When the pain does finally drop in intensity, I often fall into a dreamless dead slumber. When I wake up, my body aches in pain from having my muscles shake uncontrollably from the pancreas pain. I feel as though I have been in a car accident. My body is famished from lack of nutrition and craves fluids. I gingerly take a few sips of water and pray the pain does not come roaring back. Sometimes it does; other times it does not.

I again start the process of waiting for another pancreatitis attack. I wonder how much longer will God allow me continue on this road. When will relief come? I want to scream out to God and beg for healing, but I know God already knows my desires. I just have to keep on waiting…waiting and being patient.

I wait for the LORD, my whole being waits, and in His word I put my hope. (Psalm 130:5)