Christmas Eve fail

As the afternoon is turning into evening, I have the urge to go to church. It is Christmas Eve. It is tradition. I would love to go to my regular church. However, due to very limited seating and a large number of guests who attend, one must show up an hour ahead of time to get a seat. Additionally, the service is very short. It lasts around 30 minutes. I opt to go to a different church in which I can arrive right before the service and enjoy an hour of worship.

I visit the webpage of a church located right down the street from me. A couple of my friends attend that church. They have nothing but praise to say about the services and preacher. I note the start of the service and am happy to see it is a candlelight service. Imagines of soft piano music and gently flickering candles float through my head. I am excited to have found a place to worship on Christmas Eve.

I arrive a few minutes before the start of the service. I grow a little bit nervous when I see guitars, keyboards, drums and other electrified instruments on the stage. I do not see a piano. I grow worried. The service starts with an elder welcoming everyone to church. Then, a group of about ten people bolt for the stage. They all plug in their instruments and start rocking and rolling away. I attempt to remain in the sanctuary; however, my heart is starting to race. I flee to the closest exit and get as far away from the noise as possible. I look at the order of service. There are only two songs before the preacher delivers his sermon. I decide to wait for the noisy ruckus to end and make my way back into the sanctuary.

(Side note: I am extremely sensitive to noise. I can tolerate piano music and singing. However, anything which uses amplification (such as guitars and keyboards) and creates a pounding sound (such as drums and bass guitars), I develop severe symptoms. My heart often races, my breathing becomes ragged, my head spins, my ears ring, my muscles start contracting in wild episodes which look as though I am having a seizure, etc. It only takes a few seconds of amplified sound to send my body into a tailspin. As soon as I am exposed to this noise, I know I must flee immediately or suffer a bad health crash. I always have earplugs with me and use them any time a microphone is used to lessen the stress of the noise on my body. I research events and try to evaluate if I might encounter any noise which would cause my health to deteriorate.

In this case, I become very frustrated with myself. When a church advertises a candlelight service, I just assumed it meant a solemn service filled with soft singing and piano music. I never would have imagined a rock band (or as the church called it a "praise" band) would blast away the service on their instruments. I become very grief-stricken. This is not a church service. This is a rock concert. I wish the rest of the world would understand that it would be of great benefit it they specified what type of music they were intending to use during their services...but like so much of my life with Mitochondrial Disease, no one understands how things such as sound can greatly affect my health.)

I am excited when I re-enter the sanctuary. Here is going to be a glorious Christmas message! The preacher gives a short recap of the Christmas story. Then he says we should be like the wise men. When we encounter Jesus, we should not leave His presence the same way we came. The sermon ends. I am a bit dumb-founded. That had to be one of the shortest sermons I have ever heard. Before I know it, the praise band members are scaling the stage steps to rock away the rest of the service.

I quietly leave the church with a heavy heart. I fight the tears that want to escape my eyes. I feel so defeated. I have been feeling quite ill this last week and spent precious energy to attend this service. But it seems once again my illness and the world clash. When I arrive home, I listen to the book of Isaiah. I allow God's words to wash away my sorrow and fill me with much hope. Perhaps tomorrow will be a better day...and next year, I plan to have my own peaceful worship service at home.