Back to what seems to be my second home

As I gaze about my surroundings, I wonder how I am back here again. I am back in the hospital, back in the ICU. When I woke up this morning, I simply intended to go to a doctor’s appointment. My physician, as soon as he saw me, said I needed to go to the emergency department. I had a respiratory tract infection. The doctor immediately calls over to the emergency department to arrange for my arrival. As soon as the physician is off the phone, he returns to my exam room and says we are heading over to the hospital. Thankfully, the emergency department entrance is just across the street and through the emergency department parking lot from the clinic, about a two minute walk.

To my surprise, the physician gathers up my ventilator and whisks me off to the emergency department (ED) with two nurses in tow. Upon arriving at the ED, the doctor talks to the nurse in charge of triage. I skip triage and am given a room immediately. The physician uses his medical badge to make all the locked hospital ED doors instantly swing open. As we make our way through the ED, the doctor says, “Hi!” to another doctor and some nurses. As soon as I arrive in my ED room, a nurse from the hospital takes charge. My doctor informs me other physicians from his team will be taking over my case shortly. The physician prays with me and then departs.

As everything transpires, I am overwhelmed at the speed in which everything moves. Within two hours of arriving at the ED, I am transferred up to the medical ICU. It seems only when my bed is leaving the ED and heading for my future residence for an undetermined amount of time does the urge to flee take hold of my soul. I know I am sick. I know several days of IV antibiotics, IV steroids and medicines run through my nebulizer will quickly ease my severely labored breathing. I know this is my chance to perhaps kick this respiratory infection to the curb once and for all. But even with all these potential positive outlooks in my mind, I cannot help but lament the ICU.

I have spent much time reflecting back on my ICU experience from July of 2017, an experience in which a physician tried to intentionally kill me. (Click here for more details.) I have spent many of my past hospitalizations terrorized another doctor would also try to kill me. However, I have recently given up all my anxiety to God. He has saved me over and over again. If evil comes up against me again, He is my refuge. It is the LORD who directs my path and to Him shall I trust to keep me safe through all the days of my life. With a warm feeling of love and comfort flowing through my body, I resign myself to spending more days of my life confined to a hospital bed.