One last effort

After exhausting the medical knowledge in my community, I have traveled 400 miles in one last desperate attempt to find a remedy for my breathing issues. My doctor's appointment yesterday yielded no answers. The pulmonologist told me to go to the emergency department at the hospital to get care.

This morning, exhausted from the previous day's 7-hour road trip and long doctor's appointment, I tried to muster as much confidence and grace as possible. Here I was, standing at the entrance of yet another emergency department. Apprehension and a bit of fear filled my soul. How much poking and prodding were they going to do? Are they going to scratch their heads and send me right back home? If there is any place which could solve my respiratory issues, this is it! If nothing can be found to cause my symptoms, I will have to resolve myself that nothing can be done. Instead, I will just cling tighter to my favorite Physician, Jesus. If He chooses to heal me, GREAT! If not, I shall try to glorify God through all my suffering.

As I sit here coughing and struggling to breathe in the ICU, I look out my windows--a foreign hospital with foreign doctors, nurses and staff I see through the large glass sliding doors; I look outside to see an unfamiliar landscape. I thought it would be exciting to take a mini vacation...but I so dearly miss home. I love looking out my window and watching the birds. I love watching my mom's garden grow. (I love eating her delicious produce!) I love seeing my church family every week...I LOVE watching the children grow and become sweet young adults. I know. I know! I have only been gone two days...but with all my recent hospitalizations, I feel like I have been away from home for a very long time.

So, with the hope in my mind that this will be my last hospitalization, I am trying to remain upbeat and positive. For example, I almost started laughing before.  I told the nurse I had to go to the bathroom. I saw a tiny sink in the tiny ICU rectangle called my room, but I did not see a toilet. Suddenly, the nurse opened the cabinet under the sink and out popped a toilet! Since there are only sliding glass doors, I boldly did my job while a nurse held up a sheet. Yeah, there were about 8-10 people milling around, but when you have to go and have a chance to go, all concern of someone seeing me sitting on a tiny silver toilet evaporates. Also, it is good to know there is a toilet in my room. I was concerned I might have to use a bedpan. YUCK!!!

Wishing everyone a great week!