Just another day in the ICU

It has been a week, and I am still in the ICU. My constant need to escape the confines of this hospital has given way to boredom, then to sarcasm and now to apathy. I want to go home, but I have stopped hoping that every person I see in the hallway is my ticket to freedom. I feel like I have made friends with all the  staff in this department. There is the cleaning lady who speaks broken Englsih but always seems happy to see me. There are the respiratory therapists, the speech therapist, the dietician, the nurse secretaries, the nurse assistants, the nurses, the charge nurses, the medical scribes, the doctors, the lab techs, the radiology techs, the physical therapist, the people who come in to check the machines in my room, and perhaps a few other people who visit me almost daily. Every morning, there seems to be a parade running through my room. I sleepily watch as these folks do their jobs and leave. Since it is extremely difficult to speak, I usually just smile, nod my head and use gestures to communicate. I always try to be as pleasant as possible to everyone who walks into my room.

My goal while hospitalized is to not be a difficult patient. I try not to use my call button and try to patiently wait for the nurse or medical staff to visit my room before making requests. I also like to be independent. As soon as I am well enough to do things on my own, I do them. This sometimes makes the nurses mad because they feel I should ask for assistance. My philosophy is if I am discharged home, there will be no button to push to call for assistance. I will have to do things on my own. My goal is always to be as independent as possible before being released home.

Today, my independence was put to the test. The respiratory therapist showed me how to change out the inner cannula on my trach tube, how to change the collar which holds my trach tube in place, how to change out the ventilator tubing, how to clean in and around the tracheostomy, and finally how to replace the suction tubing which is attached to the ventilator tubing and trach tube. I think most people would be overwhelmed, but I was so happy to learn all these steps. Anything which frees me from relying on other people makes me very happy.

Now as the sun is setting and night time is creeping across the sky, I hope for a restful night's sleep. However, every night machines wake me up with their beeping noises, the respiratory therapist comes in to check my ventilator and nurses burst into my room absolutely needing to take my temperature at 3 a.m. and also to ask if I want to take a sponge bath. Oh how I long for a good night's sleep...maybe tomorrow will be that blessed day when I am granted my freedom to leave this hospital. Until then, "Rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say, Rejoice!" (Philippians 4:4).