A Health Update Part 4--Joy comes in the morning

The night before the tracheostomy surgery, I was asking God over and over again if this was the right procedure for me. "Oh Lord, is a tracheostomy really my only option left? Please make it clear to me that this is the right path." As I tried to go to sleep, my rapid breathing kept me awake. I tried and tried to go to sleep. Finally around 1:30 a.m., I drifted off to sleep. At 2:30 a.m., I abruptly woke up gasping for breath, feverish and drenched in sweat. I thought to myself, "Oh, no! I need to get to sleep! I have to wake up at 5:30 to go to the hospital." Despite my desperate attempts to sleep, my breathing was simply too fast. At 5:30, I got out of bed to go to the hospital, having only slept an hour.

At the hospital things went slowly. I had to check in at 7 a.m., but I was not rolled into the operating theater until 9:44 a.m. During this time of waiting, my breathing was growing more and more ragged. When talking to the nurse in pre-op, I was overwhelmed with the sensation that getting a tracheostomy was not only necessary but urgent! My body was using every muscle it could to breathe using the BiPAP machine. My muscles burned with fatigue, and I was completely exhausted. When I was rolled into the operating theater, a tremendous peace and calm filled my soul. Lights out!

At 10:44 a.m., I woke up as I was being rolled into my room in the ICU. Immediately, I noticed I did not have a headache. Then I realized I was not gasping for breath. And finally, despite just waking up from general anesthesia, I felt as though I had more energy now than I have had since last summer! I was filled with joy and happiness! Although I could not talk to my mom, I was elated to be able to follow her conversation. It was such a relief to not have brain fog!

As the days rolled by in the ICU, I had many challenges--failed attempts at weaning from the ventilator; being told I could not swallow and needed a feeding tube; having my trach tube clogged with mucus, etc. With each challenge, I became more determined to rise above these trials and triumph! One of my biggest hurdles which I have not cleared is talking. I have a lot of mucus in my lungs which makes it hard to speak without coughing or choking on the mucus. With the tracheostomy in my throat, most of the air in my lungs is exhaled via the trach. In order to speak, I have to use a great deal of energy to force air up beyond the trach to my vocal cords. Hopefully in the days and weeks to come I can get a different tracheostomy tube which will allow air to more freely move up around the trach tube and up to my vocal cords, making it easier to speak.

As I am continuing to heal and adjust to life with a tracheostomy, I cannot help but feel overjoyed! I find myself laughing and constantly in a jubilant mood. It is such a blessing to be able to sleep and not wake up gasping for breath. It is such a blessing to be able to eat and drink while air is being forced into my lungs. What joy it is to not have a mask on my face--a mask which rubbed my nose raw and cut up my face. There are so many blessings with having a tracheostomy. Most importantly, it is such joy and relief to be able to breathe with ease!

"Praise the LORD! Praise God in His sanctuary; praise Him in His mighty expanse. Praise Him for His mighty deeds; praise Him according to His excellent greatness. Praise Him with trumpet sound; praise Him with harp and lyre. Praise Him with timbrel and dancing; praise Him with stringed instruments and pipe. Praise Him with loud cymbals; praise Him with resounding cymbals. Let everything that has breath praise the LORD. Praise the LORD!" (Psalm 150)