It's like holding your breath under water

The other day, as I was in the kitchen eating lunch, I suddenly had an "aha!" moment. As the carbon dioxide builds up in my blood, I have been trying to figure out a way to describe the sensation. Suddenly the image of holding one's breath under water came to mind. "Exactly! That is exactly how it feels when carbon dioxide is building up in my blood." When you first start holding your breath under water, you are a bit apprehensive, but you try to remain calm. As the seconds tick by, you start growing agitated and panic starts setting in. Soon, you begin to become light-headed, a headache develops, your thinking becomes cloudy and feel you the need that you have to breathe right now or you are going to die!

That is pretty much what it feels like when I disconnect from my ventilator. (Since my respiratory muscles are weak, I am only able to inflate my lungs a little bit on my own. Since exhalation is passive and depends on the amount a person can inhale, I am able to exhale very little. Thus without the use of a ventilator, carbon dioxide starts building up in my body.) At first, the symptoms are not bad, but they continue to grow worse and worse. I often feel panicked and tell myself to stop holding my breath. (I am not actually holding my breath, but my breathing is so shallow, it feels like I am holding my breath.) When I can tolerate the symptoms no longer, I hook back up to the ventilator. I wish hooking back up to the ventilator would be like when you break through the water and gulp a big breath of air. Oh the refreshing joy and relief those first few breaths bring to your body! Unfortunately, when I breathe using the ventilator, my symptoms do not go away right away. I must patiently wait 1-2 hours before the symptoms lessen. Even at that, the symptoms never completely go away...but I am very grateful for the ventilator and for the improvement of my symptoms over time.

"The Spirit of God has made me, and the breath of the Almighty gives me life" (Job 33:4).