Weird day, but Habakkuk saves the day!

Yesterday was a very odd day. I had an appointment to see an ophthalmologist in an attempt to get a correct prescription for my weak eye  muscles. (I could write a book about the last two years about trying to get the correct eyeglass prescription. Long story short, I was finally on the path to getting the correct prism strength for my glasses last year, but the eye doctor insisted the prism strength I needed was too strong for me. She said she had a good feeling that my eyes would heal themselves and wanted to put no prism in my eyeglasses. After much begging on my part, she finally put some prism in the glasses. As soon as I got the glasses, I wanted to weep. The prism strength was far too weak. I would have to endure another year of double vision, dizziness and headaches until I could go for another vision exam.)

So, yesterday was the big day. I went to a new eye doctor. He checked my eyes and indeed I need 3-4 times more prism in my eyeglasses than what I currently have depending on the distance. He decided to err on the side of less, and prescribed less prism. The strange part was, he did not want to give me a prescription. He said my vision had not changed much (only by 0.75) and did not think I wanted to get new glasses. I was puzzled. The whole reason for the visit was to get the proper prism stength for my glasses because my current glasses had too little prism. When I mentioned this to him, he wrote out the prescription. Then at checkout, the office assistant wanted to charge me $25 to get the prescription print out because I had gotten glasses a year ago. I was totally confused by this. This is a new eye doctor, and I have new insurance. Why do I have to pay money to get my prescription because I got glasses a year ago? When I asked this question, the woman said she would give me the prescription, but would have to run the charge through my vision insurance. (I still do not understand this because it is against the law to charge a separate fee for dispensing a prescription.)

Through this whole process, the one shining light was Habakkuk. While I was waiting for the doctor, I was reading my Bible. When the doctor came in, I placed the Bible on my lap because my bag was on a chair across the room from me. The eye doctor saw my Bible and asked what I was reading. I replied Habakkuk. He said he had never read Habakkuk and seemed puzzled where in the Bible it was located. I replied, "Habakkuk. It is in the "ha-back" of the Old Testament." The eye doctor seemed amused and said he would go and look it up that night. So, perhaps in the midst of this weird day, God was able to use me to help the eye doctor read another book of His Word. And as I was reading more of the book of Habakkuk while waiting for my ride, I needed the reminder of one of my favorite Bible verses: Habakkuk 2:4 "The just shall live by faith". What a wonderful reminder in the midst of such an odd day.

The Benefits of Aging

As another year ends and another year begins, I cannot help but yell a squeal of delight. Yahoo! I made it through another year! Yahoo! I am another year older! I know, most people sorrow over growing older. "Oh, if only I could be young again," seems to be a common lament. However, if you have a chronic illness, being "young" is one's biggest pitfall.

When I first became severely sick, I was told by doctor after doctor, you are too young to be sick. I was told I was just making up my symptoms to gain attention. When my heart rate and blood pressure soared sky-high upon standing upright, I was told it was anxiety. (Yes, I was terribly anxious about standing up. If only I could overcome my fear of standing, I would be as good as new.) When my GI tract shut down day after day, leaving me severely malnourished and on the verge of starvation, I was told I was anorexic. I was told I just did not want to eat. (One doctor threatened, "If you don't eat, I will put a feeding tube in you." I replied, "Oh, thank you! I will finally be able to get some nutrition and won't die of starvation!" The doctor upon hearing my words, walked out of my room and discharged me from the hospital without a feeding tube and without any remedy to my severe GI tract dysfunction.)

Yes, it seems, as each system in my body flared up, I was told by doctor after doctor I was the sole reason for my symptoms...because I was "young" and could not possibly be sick and could not possibly have all these maladies. "You are too young to have gall bladder attacks. You are too young to have chronic pancreatitis. You are too young to have osteoarthritis..."

But now, as the digits in my age grow larger and larger, doctors suddenly take my symptoms seriously. For this, I am grateful. It is also a tremendous blessing that as my body ages, my metabolism has slowed down. I now can eat smaller quantities of food (which greatly reduces the stress on my GI tract) and not lose weight. As I grow older and older, I find more and more blessings in which to rejoice. It is with great joy, I celebrate 2017! "Bless the LORD, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless His holy name. Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits: who forgives all your iniquities; who heals all your diseases; who redeems your life from destruction; who crowns you with loving-kindness and tender mercies." (Psalm 103:1-4)

To the Billingham Family

In the midst of New Year's celebrations, the Billinghams mourn the loss of their loved one. With gallant effort and brave courage, Scott fought the hard fight to live with Mitochondrial Disease. He did not complain about his medical challenges, but he faced each day as a mighty warrior ready to overcome any obstacle. His family surrounded him with lots of love and support.

To the Billingham Family: You will never know the immense gratitude your son had for you. Your continued support and constant love pulled him through so many health trials. Please take comfort in knowing all your efforts and energy have not gone unnoticed. Although you mourn for the loss of such an incredible 20 year old, he is now free from all his health burdens. He is free to enjoy all God has to offer him in His glorious kingdom--one in which only perfect health and beauty exists.

May God comfort you-all in this time of immense sorrow. For Jesus says, "Come unto me all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn of Me, for I am meek and lowly in heart, and you shall find rest unto your souls. For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light." (Matthew 11:28-20)

Sending you-all much love and prayers.

(Scott Billingham passed away on December 31, 2016.)

The Road to Joy

The count down is on...it is almost 2017! Yahoo! Happy New Year everyone! I pray that this year will be your best year yet and that your days are filled with lots of love. In celebration of the New Year, I thought I would share my road to finding joy.

After becoming sick many years ago, I spent several years bed-ridden. The only time I would leave the house was to go to medical appointments. I spent much of my time on the living room couch, gazing out the front window into the outside world. I watched the seasons change and watched far too much television. However, the most interesting thing to do was watch the people across the street.

Across the street from my house, a small church sits on a small hill. Every Sunday and Wednesday, the church had services. I would love to watch the people as they filed into the church and leisurely made their way back out to their cars. One thing always caught my eye: they always seemed to be filled with joy! The more I watched them, the more I knew they had the secret to joy. There was always lots of laughter, shrieks of delight from the little ones, smiles and hugs. These people always seemed genuinely happy.

As time progressed, I was determined to leave the house. I slowly built up my endurance. I wanted to venture across the street and see these people of joy up close. While I was trying to figure out the details of attending a service, the church dropped off their annual plate of Christma cookies. Included with the treats was a card detailing when their services were. Also, the card mentioned having a special evening Christmas service. I thought this Christmas service was the perfect time to go for an adventure.

When I arrived at the church, joy was everywhere. The adults warmly greeted one another; the children had wide smiles and laughter rang through the air. As I shook hands with many folks, I could feel the immense love and happiness encompassing the building. When the service was over, I knew this place held the key to my joy. I started attending services as best I could. The Pastor's wife took me under her wing and helped introduce me to the members of the congregation. She also asked me if I read the Bible daily. This was a new concept to me. I had read bits and pieces of the Bible, but I had never read the whole thing or thought to read it daily. I pondered this thought for many months until finally I made a plan to read the whole thing. I figured if these people were joyful, I needed to do what they were doing...and this was the best decision of my life!

It took me some time to understand the Bible. There were so many different people to know, and then I had all these fragments of stories and characters I knew from Sunday School and confirmation classes. But slowly, and with the help of J. Vernon McGee's Thru the Bible online audio commentary, the great expanse of God's Word unfolded before me. I soon found myself excited and yearning to read the Bible. There were so many good stories and so many incredible lessons to learn. I soon started not worrying about things and started trusting the Lord to take care of me. What a tremendous relief! All the worries and stresses of having a chronic medical condition started disappearing, and joy soon found residence in my heart. I now found myself laughing and smiling. My heart seemed so light and free. Although I still had many bad health days, the pain and gloom seemed so much less now that I knew Jesus was by my side. Even in the darkest hours of the night and in the grips of excruciating pain, He was there comforting me.

So, my friend, if you are reading this and do not read the Bible daily, I ask that you try. You can start anywhere--at the beginning in Genesis or if you want to know how everything is going to end, skip ahead to the last book, Revelation. If you need guidance, listen to Thru the Bible at ttb.org which features J. Vernon McGee. He tells funny stories and helps point out details you might not catch. If you do not know Jesus as your Lord and Savior, ask Jesus to come into to your life and help show you His Word...or as I like to call it, The Road to Joy.

Photos of the Past

As the year draws to a close, I flip through some photo albums. Memories of long ago flash through my mind. It is amazing to reflect back on everything that has happened in my life. Sometimes, though, my heart breaks to look at photos taken shortly before my health took a nose dive into the realm of chronic illness. I see my young, smiling face, so full of energy, so youthful and so innocent. In the photos, I am oblivious to my future health crises. I often have to fight back tears as I think about all the pain, appointments, medical procedures, hospital stays, surgeries, etc. which lie ahead of me. I shutter to think about all those weeks, months, years in which I was lost wandering through the medical system.

As I turn to photos of my more recent past, photos which show me recovering from a surgery or fighting to put a smile on my face in the midst of fatigue, I see so much strength, courage and determination. I see the mighty warrior which lies beneath, so joyful to live, so blessed to be alive. Although my health challenges me every day, I am so grateful for the strength and courage Jesus provides. When my body fails me, He carries me through. "He gives power to the faint; and to them that have no might, He increases strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall. But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk and not faint." (Isaiah 40:29-31)

Cheerful giving

Merry Christmas! In light of this joyous season, I love to give as much as possible. My greatest joy is to give secretly, giving all glory and honor to God. I love when places made it easy to give out of the abundance of one's heart, and allow one to give anonymously.

A church I used to attend did not pass around the offering plate. Near the church exit, there was a cute wooden church with a slot in the roof to deposit an offering. I LOVED putting money in the church. I could do it quickly and without anyone noticing. It was also perfect for me because I often I forgot to bring money for the offering. Since the offering plate was never passed around, I could put money into the wooden church whenever I remembered to bring it with me. The wooden church seem to have removed all burden and guilt from giving. It was fun to put money into the church, and it was such a relief to not have others know if, when and how much I gave to the church. I found I was always excited to put money into the church. I would lift up a quick prayer, "Thanks God! It is such a joy to be able to have something to give. Thank you for the tremendous blessings."

At the beginning of each month, the church would print in the church bulletin how much money was collected. When I would see the amount collected, I wanted to give people high-fives and hugs. "Way to go everyone! Wow, God has truly blessed us again this month!" Although the amount I was able to contribute was tiny, it was glorious to see how my small contribution helped the whole church. Anyway I could, I tried to give as money as possible to the church, not because I had to, but because it made me so happy to do so. May this Christmas provide tremendous opportunities for you to give out of the abundance of your heart. "Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver" (2 Corithians 9:7).

My Christmas Wish: Pray for my family

Several years ago, I had the opportunity to visit a large mega church. Since I was in a wheelchair, we were seated in the front of the auditorium. During the service, a woman (called a prayer warrior) came up to my mom and me and asked if she could pray for us. She asked about my medical condition and prayed one of the most powerful prayers I have ever heard. But during the whole prayer, I kept thinking, "No, please don't pray for me. Pray for my family. You have no idea how much they need your prayers!"

Ever since this experience, whenever I hear of someone going through difficult medical trials, I not only pray for the person but for their family. Although it is difficult to have to endure many medical appointments and procedures, it is far more difficult for the family. They have the stress and worry of caring for the individual and doing whatever they can to make the life of the sick individual easier. I cannot tell you how many times my mom has spent countless nights sleeping in chairs or make-shift cots as she stayed by my side through endless nights in the hospital. I think of my dad spending an entire day at work, driving five hours to pick me up from having surgery and then turning around and driving five hours back home. Yes, it is my family which makes so many sacrifices; it is my family which gives me the support to make it through another day.

My Christmas wish is for anyone reading this to pray for my family. Pray they have the strength and energy to carry forth. Pray they have patience and comfort as my health continues to decline. I cannot tell you the heartbreak it must be for my parents to watch their daughter endure so many years of chronic illness. Pray also for my incredible neighbors, Don and Linda, who have stepped into the role of my parents the past couple weeks when my own parents were out of town. Yes, it is with the love of my family (and the everlasting love of Jesus Christ) that I am able to keep on keeping on. "Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)