It's Only Wednesday...What a Long week!

When I woke up this morning, I was surprised to find out it is only Wednesday. Now, do not get me wrong. I am always running out of time to get things completed, but the exhausted I felt this morning had me wondering how it was only Wednesday.

On Monday, I had a VERY long day of going to appointments. The headache I developed on Monday night reminded me why I try to avoid long days. Yesterday, I spent seven hours getting caught up with YouTube comments. I have been too busy and too sick to keep up with the numerous messages. I really need to get someone to manage my social media accounts...but that will probably not happen. I cannot pay anyone to help me. I am not monetized and will likely never be monetized. Plus, the person needs to be someone I deeply trust because he/she will have access to all my accounts. And also, the person cannot be very sensitive to negativity because the comments I receive can be very mean and down right awful.

The exhaustion from spending that much time replying to comments really wore me out. I slept long and hard last night.

Today, I had another appointment. The trip took longer than expected, but nonetheless, I was back home fairly quickly. Then it was off to edit a YouTube video. 

I like to stay ahead of my YouTube videos. I try to have a week or more worth of videos ready to go, but of late, I have been getting very behind due to the demands of social media. So, tomorrow's video is actually a video I filmed today and edited today. That is a rarity.

Now, I need to finish some social media correspondence and start thinking about a video I should film tomorrow. With having two YouTube channels, I have to produce two videos a week. I am not sure how much longer I am going to be able to do that. I am running out of energy to keep up with everything.

IT WORKS!!! The Miracle Oven

A week and a half ago, I tried to take a shower. However, the water was cold. I reset the water heater several times, but the water remained frigid. I took a fast shower and got out of the freezing cold water as soon as possible.

I then went to use the stove and oven. The stove worked fine, but when I turned on the oven, the burner on the stove went down to almost nothing. I wondered if we were out of gas. This sometimes happens when the gas tank runs low. I pushed aside the though and threw in a few sweet potatoes into the oven. I went to bed and forgot about the event.

A few days later, I tried to use the stove. The burner flames were very low. When I attempted to turn on the oven, the stove burners went out and the oven refused to ignite. I groaned. We must be out of gas. I asked my family member when we last received a shipment of gas. I was told we received gas earlier this year. My family member then inspected the gas gauge outside. We still had 55% left in our tank. Not knowing what else to do, the gas company was then summoned.

Praise be to God, the gas company was passing through our area. About 30 minutes after calling them, a work crew was at my home. They inspected everything. They could not find anything wrong. A worker came inside the house and saw the issues we were having with the stove and oven. There was definitely an issue with gas not coming into the house.

The work crew dug up our gas line and replaced it. Over three hours later, our stove worked! And as an added bonus, the water heater was now working too! Hallelujah.

A few days passed, and then I tried to use the oven. I turned the knob, but nothing happened. I turned it off and tried again. There was no clicking sound. My heart sank. I fervently prayed and tried a few more times, but nothing happened. I immediately thought the igniter must have suffered damaged when the oven did not receive enough gas earlier in the week. I did not want to call a service crew to replace the igniter. The gas line cost $1,000 to replace and getting a new igniter would be another $500. I decided I could use a slow cooker, air fryer and stove top for our cooking needs. And indeed, using this combination did satisfy all our needs.

This week, I was apprehensive about the oven not working. Thanksgiving is in a few days. I was slightly panicked because we really needed to use the oven.

Today, I had an appointment and then had to hurry back home to meet my respiratory therapist for her monthly visit. When I was rushing into the house, I meant to turn on a stove burner to heat up some water. In my haste, I turned the wrong knob; I grabbed the knob for the stove. I raced to go to the bathroom. When I went back to the oven, I screamed! The oven was working!!! I could not believe my eyes. I opened the oven and sure enough, it was heating up! Not to waste our oven's new found life, I threw a few butternut squash into the oven.

I started praising God and dancing around the kitchen! I was thrilled the oven was working again! I gleefully started singing, "The oven is working! The oven is working! Praise be to God!"

Happy Thanksgiving!

P.S. I am sorry this blog post is late. I meant to post it last week, but Blogger abruptly stopped, and I was unable to get this posted to my blog. Sorry for the delay. I hope you and yours had a fabulous Thanksgiving!

The Last Message

For nearly three years, I have been corresponding with a YouTube viewer. His mom found me on YouTube and told her son how good my videos were. The son watched my videos and agreed. He then reached out to me through my Facebook business page and asked me some questions and shared some of his story with me.

The man had a congenital medical condition which is a neuromuscular disease. I understood a lot about what he was going through because I have many similar symptoms. He also had a trach and used a ventilator.

During our last conversation, he had a number of concerns about care he received in the hospital. I gave him some tips and advice. I also assured him everything would be ok. His last message was as follows: “Thank you so much. Your help really means alot to me.  Like so much that I feel like crying happy relieving tears lol”

And with that, our conversation broke off as it usually did, until he had another question or concern.

On Saturday, I received the following message from his mom:
“I want to thank you for helping my son with his health question recently. His name is (name deleted for privacy). He is my son. He lost his battle with his life long illness yesterday. You also helped me too. Thank you so much.”

I cannot tell you the devastation I felt learning of his passing. Tears quickly sprang to my eyes and cascaded down my cheeks. I was completely grief stricken and stunned. I was also touched that his mom contacted me to let me know her son had passed away. I immensely appreciate that.

My deepest condolences to his family and friends. What an incredible person he was—kind, caring and a great friend. May his memory be a blessing.

Where Have I Been? Two Months Since I Last Updated

It has been two months since I have posted on my blog. I have thought of many things to say, but my energy to type them has escaped me. I have been having very poor health. Blood clots have plagued my life. I cannot tell you the exhaustion and general sickness they have caused me. To get through each day takes a tremendous amount of resolve and determination.

And then there is YouTube. In celebration of Mitochondrial Disease Awareness Week, I posted a video entitled: A Day in My Life with Mitochondrial Disease. That video did very well! The analytics on YouTube began recommending my video to more and more people. With more traffic to my channel, people began watching other videos. Soon, a video from three years ago, started gaining traction. And to my delight, my channel saw incredible growth.

The comments I have received have been overwhelming, both in number and in sincerity. People have shared their stories with me. It can be very energy draining reading about people's struggles. My heart often breaks and tears sometimes run down my cheeks, but I try my best to give people hope and encouragement.

As the weeks have passed, I have pondered if I should hire someone to monitor my social media accounts. At times, it can be too much for me. However, I am very leery of doing this because I am cautious about how I reply to people. All my responses are done from a place of love, and that may be difficult for someone monitoring my account to do.

With that, I hope everyone is doing well. I hope this season of your life is filled with lots of love and joy.

P.S. The photo is courtesy of my one my YouTube subscribers. She thought the koala would help me as I deal with my health challenges. I thought I would share the photo. I hope if brightens your day.

To buy or not to buy—the search for compression stockings

Recently, three pairs of my compression stockings developed holes in them. I was very concerned because I do not have many spare pairs of compression stockings. I need the compression stockings to provide extra compression on my legs and abdomen. With having Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS), blood often pools in my legs and abdomen. The compression stockings help keep my blood from collecting in these regions. I used to get the stockings through my health insurance. However, about six years ago, I could no longer find a pharmacy which accepted my insurance. So, I began buying my compressor stockings online.

The normal price for the compression stockings is about $150 a pair. This is far too expensive for my budget. Instead, I use eBay. The biggest issue with eBay is that there is not a steady supply of compression stockings. It has sometimes taken me as long as a year to find a pair of compression stockings with the correct compression gradient and size to become available. So, when three of my compression stockings abruptly developed holes, it was off to eBay to find a pair of compression stockings.

I searched and searched, but almost every pair of compression stockings I found were either petite or maternity. Neither style would suit me. Thus, I continued my search.

Last week, I found four pairs of compression stockings being sold together which were the correct compression and style. However, they were one size too large. I was undecided if I should buy them. The size on the compression stockings is quite important. Being one size too large, the stockings will not provide the correct compression. I oscillated back and forth if I should buy them.

At the end of last week, I decided I should buy the stockings. When I looked to see if the stockings were still available, I was shocked. The price had dropped $20! I decided paying $10 for each pair of stockings was too good of a price to pass up. I immediately clicked to purchase the items.

Today, the compression stockings arrived. It is a bit of a relief to now have more compression stockings, but I am still unsure if the larger size stockings will give me the correct compression. Since most days I spend laying in bed, I have decided to wear the larger compression stockings on those days and save the correct size compression stockings for times when I leave the house.

A forgotten bottle of water. A blessing in disguise

On Monday, my parents went to play cards at the local community center. A short while after they left, I got out of bed and went to the kitchen. I saw on the counter a bottle of water. I wondered if my dad had forgotten to take the bottle of water with him. I touched the bottle. Yes, it was cold. He most likely forgot his water. I thought about just going over to the community center and bringing him the water, but I decided I would call him first.

When my dad answered the phone, I asked him if he forgot his water. He said he did. I told him I would bring it to him. My dad protested and said it was not a big deal. He did not need the water. I insisted I would bring him the water. He then suddenly said, “If you are coming over, bring another bottle of water. Someone here needs a bottle of water.” I happily grabbed two cold bottles of water and went to the community center.

When I arrived at the community center, my dad took the two bottles of water. He immediately went over to a table to give someone the water. I did not see who he gave the water to as I had turned to exit the building.

When my parents got home, my dad thanked me for bringing over the water. My mom informed me the person who forgot her water was incredibly thankful for the water. Apparently the woman had a bottle of water. She placed it in her car. Her friend then said she would drive them to play cards. The woman forgot to grab the bottle of water out of her car before getting into the friend’s car. The woman was extremely thirsty and was really bummed she forgot her water.

I smiled hearing this story. I was rejoicing my dad forgot his water.

Sometimes we may wonder why we forgot an item and perhaps we even might become angry, but as seen in this story, God works all things for good. My dad forgetting his water allowed me to not only honor my father but also show love to my neighbor by bringing her a bottle of water. I am so happy through a forgotten bottle of water I was able to show kindness to those around me.

One Thing After Another

 Did you ever have a time when things are going relatively well? And then it seems, one thing after another goes wrong? Well, that has been my life lately.

I have been sick with an inflamed trachea (tracheitis) for five weeks. I have been on and off IV antibiotics. When I am on the medicine, I feel great. Then I go off of the antibiotic, and it seems my infection comes back.

I thought I would go to my primary care provider to get a sputum culture ordered. When I called, I was informed the clinic is permanently closed! I was shocked and beside myself. No time is a great time to lose a primary care provider. At the moment, there are some medical issues I would like to get sorted out. I also could use some refills on my medicines, but it seems, these things will have to wait while I try to find a primary care provider.

Thankfully, I was able to call my pulmonologist’s office and was able to get an appointment for this week.

Over the weekend, my sputum turned a bright blueish-green. I definitely have pseudomonas, but now we just need the antibiotic sensitivity report to find out which antibiotics this bacteria is sensitive to.

The appointment with my lung doctor went well. I did have to wait about 1.5 hours to see the provider, but in the end, everything which needed to be done was done. I got my sputum culture lab orders, dropped off my sputum at the lab and came home to wait for the results.

I received the lab report today. It stated since there were epithelial cells in the sputum, the sputum was contaminated. They threw out the sputum and did not culture it. I cannot tell you the devastation I felt when I read the report. The sputum clearly had pseudomonas in it. The lab could have cultured it, but they chose not to. (Another lab has cultured my sputum even when there are epithelial cells in it. The report simply states the results may not be accurate as there may have been contaminates in the sputum sample.) So a vital piece of information (the antibiotic sensitivity report) remains a mystery.

The lung doctor also sent over antibiotics to the pharmacy. Right now, it says the pharmacist needs to review the prescription. When this happens, usually the prescription is hung up in the system. I need to call the pharmacy and try to get that sorted out. I meant to call today, but I wanted to call in the afternoon after their lunch break. However, I forgot to call.

I also need to call my lung doctor’s office and try to get another sputum culture ordered. Hopefully that will be an easy process and will not necessitate another office visit.

Add to all these things, my bathroom backed up with sewage. The last time it cost $300 to clear the line. I decided to try a different plumber. This time it cost $800.

Also, the same day I found out I lost my primary care provider, I received a letter in the mail that one of the providers I see for my endometriosis care has left the clinic. What a bummer. She is fantastic.

I know God orchestrates everything. Perhaps, there is a fabulous primary care provider waiting to take over my medical care. Perhaps my pseudomonas infection will clear up on its own. Perhaps my endometriosis and ovarian cyst will also go away and not require medical intervention. And perhaps spending $800 to clear my sewer line means my bathroom will never back up with sewage again. I hope next week is a better week.

Pneumonia: We Meet Again!

I have a chronic lung infection which loves to roar its ugly head when my body gets stressed out. I try extremely hard to not get into stressful situations. But last week, I could not avoid some unexpected situations which resulted in me being awake for 26.5 hours. The exhaustion from this ordeal left me unable to leave my bed for three days.

On day four, I felt as if I had a little bit of energy, but I had a sore trachea. I wanted to rip out my tracheostomy tube because it was causing a lot of irritation to my trachea. The mucus in my tracheostomy tube was clear. This translates into the bothersome trachea as being only from a virus or allergies.

That night, my tracheotomy tube sealed shut when mucus clogged my airway. When I could not breath, I woke up and was able to force air through the airway by blowing out as hard as I could. The clog moved and allowed air to pass in and out of my lungs. I went back to sleep.

On day five, I woke up, and my trachea was slightly painful. I needed to run an errand. I left the house. My health did a dramatic downward spiral. It felt as though I could not breathe—my lungs were on fire! I learned there was thick smoke in the air. It was amusing a lot of respiratory issues. I went home and made a tremendous improvement once I was able to breathe clean air.

On day six, I thought I was making a lot of improvement, My energy was better. My slight cough had nearly disappeared. I was happy. By the next day, I should be all better. Moreover, the smoke in the air was improving. The smoke must have been causing all this sickness.

One day seven, I woke up, and it felt as though there was an elephant on my chest. It hurt to breathe. The mucus in my tracheotomy tube was thick and a dark yellowish brown. (This means there is a bacterial infection and also blood in the mucus.) My cough was worse and very productive. Anytime I coughed, I could tasted blood in my mouth. Additionally, lead weights had attached themselves to my extremities. I had zero energy and a low grade fever. Alas, it was my old friend pneumonia.

It seems my chronic lung infection decided to take advantage of my run-down state last week. Now, it will be a long recovery as my body fights off this infection (with the help of antibiotics) and attempts to re-gain the energy its needs to keep this ugly infection at bay.

And Just Like That, a Stroke

My life has been quite busy trying to stay on top of my medical issues, getting medical supplies and keeping my doctors and other medical personnel informed on everything going on. With the craziness of everything, it can be easy to get tangled up in the demands of the world. It seems whoever has the most urgent need gains my attention.

Recently, my perspective changed. A single communication alerted my family that a family member suffered a stroke. The person made it to the hospital and is alive. But unfortunately, there has been a lot of complications which have arisen. The situation will need delicate care and lots of prayer.

As I sit in my bed, exhausted from trying to keep up with the world, I ponder how much of my time I am wasting. I have dramatically cut back on the amount of time I have been online, but still, I feel as though I spend too much of my time not being productive.

So with that, I think I will spend even less time online in the coming weeks. It will be a welcomed hiatus from the noise of social media. It will give me time to spend with my family and appreciate how fragile this life is. It will give me time to pray and petition God for a full and complete recovery for my family member.

The Sound of Silence

For several years, we have had an increase in the number of telemarketer calls we receive on our landline phone. However, recently, the number of calls we get has been astronomical. The phone rings up to six times an hour! Sometimes, one telemarketer will hang up and then a few moments later, another telemarketer will call!

I could not tolerate this. I was at my breaking point. The endless phone calls were driving me crazy. I checked with the national call registry. Yes, our phone has been on the do not call list for the last 15 years. But it does not seem to matter. The telemarketers are calling from overseas. The penalties for violating the do not call registry cannot be enforced on international companies.

I read online up about blocking telemarketer calls. I discovered we could block most telemarketers by blocking the area code it shows on our caller ID. Almost all the calls come from one area code. However, there was a problem. We get real calls from that area code. If we blocked all numbers with that area code, we would be blocking real phone calls.

Thankfully, our telephone company has a special feature in which all phone calls with that specific area code can be intercepted before it rings our phone. The person calling is given a random three digit code and told to enter it. If the code is entered correctly, our phone then rings. If the wrong code is entered, the phone call will not go through.

Since setting this up last week, we have only had TWO telemarketer calls; the telemarketers were calling from a different area code which is not blocked. I am so relieved! It is so nice to not have our phone ring all day long.

Today, I am once again enjoying the sound of silence. Ah, silence. What a beautiful sound!

Time change. I can’t get used to it

The time changed a few weeks ago. Usually it take me a day or two to get used to the new time the sun rises and sets. However, since Daylight Savings Time began, it feels as though my body cannot get used to the new time. I will be extremely tired all day. When it is time to go to sleep, I will

not be able to sleep. I will be awake until 3 a.m.

When I finally fall asleep, I do not sleep long. Around 7:30 a.m., I will wake up. I will be very tired, but no matter how hard I try, I cannot get back to sleep.

I have been extremely exhausted lately. I hope soon, my body adjusts to the new time because I really need to get a good night’s worth of sleep.

Trying to limit my spending, but things keep going awry

A few months ago, I purchased a supplement which helps with digestion. To get the best price, you had to sign up for a subscription. The problem with the subscription is that it renewed many months before I would be finished with the supplement. I only use half a dose to save money. So, the supplement lasts me 8 months.

When I ordered a few months ago, I thought I had cancelled the subscription after receiving the shipment. Moreover, the credit card on the subscription expired. I thought I was safe with the subscription not renewing.

Yesterday, I received an email my subscription order was being sent out to me. I tried calling and emailing the company, but they were closed. I called this morning, but I have been informed the product already had a shipping label created. It could not be cancelled.

I asked how an expired credit card could be charged. I was told, they just process the card. My credit card company let the charges go through on an expired card.

I was really upset. I still have about a five month supply left of the supplement. And now, with this new shipment, I will have over a year’s worth of the supplement. The supplement needs refrigeration and has a limited shelf-life. I am not sure if I will be able to finish the supplement before it expires.

I am frustrated, but I guess the only person I should be mad at is myself. I should have double and triple checked the subscription was cancelled. I tried removing my credit card from the account, but it would not let me do that. Hopefully, in the future, if the company decides to renew my subscription, the credit card company will reject the outdated credit card.

My life has been topsy turvy

If there is one lesson I have learned after having a chronic illness for more than 10 years it is that nothing ever goes as planned. Urgent doctor’s appointments get cancelled, prescriptions do not get sent to the pharmacy, prescriptions get sent to the wrong pharmacy, insurance claims are denied, etc. I used to be upset by these challenges, but now I have learned to expect things to go wrong. Recently, though, I have had some unexpected surprises.

I had a prescription at the pharmacy which I have tried to get filled. Even though the drug has never been dispensed, the pharmacy says the prescription has zero refills on it. I decided to transfer the prescription to a different pharmacy and see if I could get it filled that way. When trying to transfer the prescription, things got messed up. The original pharmacy filled the prescription instead of transferring it. Behold, I finally was able to get the medicine.

Another unexpected miracle was a highly successful YouTube video. I had worked very hard on a video. After I made it, I decided I could not publish it on my Life with a Vent YouTube channel because it was too “religious”. I am very mindful of the content on that channel as I have a large international audience. The focus of the channel is life with a vent and not life with God. 

Instead, I decided to upload the video to my God is My Strength channel. That channel is much smaller. I figured the video would get few views. To my shock, the video has nearly 1,000 views!!! I am over the moon happy and excited. I cannot believe the success that video has had!

It is such a blessing when things go right. I am thrilled God has been so gracious to me and has allowed me to experience so many blessings. Whatever happens, I am reminded to cling, cleave and hold fast to God. A blessing can happen at any moment.

A crazy day of waiting

Have you ever had a day, which seems to be perfectly planned, but then it goes completely haywire? Well, that was my day today.

I first went to pick up lab orders at my primary care doctor’s office. Although I had been called and had been told they are waiting for me at the front desk, when I arrived, the receptionist could not find them. After waiting a while, I finally had to leave. I had to get to the lab to have blood work done for a different doctor.

From previous experiences, I know the lab can be busy. I made an appointment for today to guarantee I would not have to wait very long. (Having an appointment skips the long line of people who arrive via the walk-in system.) When I checked in, the waiting room was packed with people. I waited, but after a number of people were called back (and it seemed me having an appointment did not make a difference in the time I was going to have to wait), I left to go to a doctor’s appointment.

At the doctor, I was taken back quickly. But then I had to wait. One hour and 45 minutes later, the provider arrived in my room. Thankfully, she was able to create lab orders to have the test I needed which my primary care doctor had ordered. However, this doctor uses a different laboratory.

After my appointment, I had to go to a laboratory, drop off the lab orders and then go back across town to a different lab to have my lab work done.

I am grateful everything was completed, and I was able to go home. I tried extremely hard to make today as short of a day as possible with planning ahead, but things just did not go my way. It was a long day of waiting.

High blood pressure, low blood sugar: Crashing at the doctor’s office

Yesterday, I had an extremely busy day. I had to get everything out of my room to have part of my ceiling cut out. Although I had planned ahead, the workers came early. I had to scramble to get everything out.

Then, I had to hop in a car and travel 45 minutes to a medial appointment. Upon arriving at the clinic, the waiting room was packed with people. All the chairs were occupied. People were standing. The waiting room was so full, people were standing outside the office. I sat on the floor as this was the only open seating available.

After waiting 45 minutes, the receptionist told a patient the doctor was not at the clinic. He was running late. By this time, I was shaking from exhaustion. My blood sugar was dropping. I was sweating profusely. My muscles were quivering. I struggled to speak.

After an hour of waiting, I was called back. The medical assistant took my vitals. My blood pressure was 182/84. When she touched my skin, it was burning hot. She asked me if I was sick. I told her I was extremely tired. She seemed concerned. She told me to stay where I was.

A few minutes later, the doctor rushed into the clinic. He apologized for being late. He came to my exam room first. He asked how I was. He quickly raced through my appointment. He then escorted me out of the clinic, and held open the exit door for me. (He is an extremely kind doctor.)

Once I left the clinic, we had to get gasoline. We then had an hour to drive to another engagement I had. On the way, my blood sugar continued to drop. Even though I was running my IV nutrition called TPN, I was shaking uncontrollably, it was hard to think and I was struggling to breathe.

We stopped at the grocery store. I was able to get a large bunch of bananas and some baby carrots. I quickly consumed two bananas. My head stopped hurting. And my body stopped shaking. I munched on the carrots as we made our way through the city.

We arrived at the event right on time. I nearly fell trying to enter the building. My head started spinning very quickly, and my muscles started shaking. Thankfully, I was able to use a wall to steady myself and was able to continue on after resting.

At the event, I tried my best to act social, but I was incredibly tired. I caught only fragments of sentences. My mind often drifted off. I had to fight to stay awake.

When I felt as though I had stayed long enough, I politely excused myself. I got back in the car and settled in for a 30 minute drive back home.

Once home, the ceiling construction work was complete. I then had to clean up my room. Ultimately, I need to put everything back into my room. Many things are scattered in the dining room, and my closet is heaped high with miscellaneous items. But all that would have to wait. I was too tied.

After running my nebulizer and clearing out the mucus in my airways, I settled into my bed. I had made it. And now it was time to not move for a very long time.

It's the little things which make me smile

This weekend, I was thinking about my former Bible teacher. As I often do, I break down in tears thinking about her. I deeply miss her. I cannot tell you the profound way she has impacted my life. I prayed to God, asking for her to be well. I also prayed I could find someone at Bible study who recently spoke to my teacher and had an update.

I was stunned when, unprovoked, someone gave an update about my former Bible teacher at Bible study. I was thunderstruck because it was an EXACT answer to my prayer.

Since hearing about our current Bible study teacher’s eye, I have prayed many times for her eye to have a full and complete healing. I asked God for her eye to be healed and her to be well enough to teach. I was overjoyed her eye was healed and that she was feeling better. She gave a fantastic lesson as always.

I also asked God if I should express to my Bible study teacher that I was praying for her. (I have many friends who get upset when I asked about their health. I did not want to do anything to bother my wonderful teacher.)

I again was flabbergasted she answered this prayer request when she expressed her gratitude to those who reached out to her concerning her eye.

I know God always hears our prayers, but still I am usually astonished that He answers in such a detailed way. Some people look for the big miracles. I smile when even my small, unimportant prayers are answered.

Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always. (1 Chronicles 16:11)

How my closed fist may have killed a man

This week, as I sit in a Bible study, the topic of charity comes up. Someone says she never gives money if someone looks like a drug addict, or she thinks the person does not truly need the money.

My soul screams, “NO! ’Do not judge, least you be judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you’ (Matthew 7:1-2). When we start using our judgement to gage someone else’s need, we abandon God and start serving ourselves. We will use any and all justifications to not give to others. ’The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked. Who can know it?’ (Jeremiah 17:9)”

In an instant, I am transported back in time.

Many years ago, I lived in another country. On the weekend, I frequently went to the beach. As my mom and I were sitting in the shade, an elderly man with a guitar approached us and started singing. I was amazed at this man’s wit and creativity. At the end of the short ditty, the man asked for money. I told my mom not to give the man any money. I said, “Everyone in the country comes to this beach to beg from tourists and “rich” Americans. They are always trying to get money from us.”

We declined to pay the man anything. He continued on down the beach and sang to more Americans and tourists.

The next weekend, my university hosted a community health clinic. The event took place in a remote mountain village. When we arrived, there was a line several hours long. Although the country had free health care, the medical services were extremely limited. The basic services we offered such as blood pressure checks, eye exams and breast exams were a more comprehensive evaluation than most of the people received from their medical providers.

In the afternoon, the director and I went out into the village to see if anyone else wanted to come to the clinic. As we meandered, a country-wide bus stopped a few feet from us. An elderly man staggered off the bus. The director asked the man if he wanted to come to the clinic.

In an instant, I recognized the man. It was the gentleman from the weekend before. But instead of being bubbly and very talkative, the man seemed extremely confused and mumbled his words.

I quickly asked the man what was wrong. He told me he ran out of insulin last week Friday. He did not have the $30 to pay for his medicine. Instantly, I was overwhelmed with grief. I realized the man had traveled last weekend (and most likely this weekend as well) to the beach to beg for money so that he could purchase his insulin.

Immediately, I broke all cultural etiquette and social norms. I grabbed the man’s hand and told him to come with me.

I slowly led the man on the mountain road. I placed myself next to the steep ravine drop-off and had the man walk in the road as I was scared if the man stumbled, he would fall to his death.

When we arrived at the community clinic, I took the man straight to the blood glucose station, skipping the check-in process and the 30 minute wait. I took the man’s blood sugar. The meter would not give a numeric reading. It simply said “ketones”. I took the man by the hand along with his blood sugar readout to a local doctor who was giving consults to the community members.

I told the doctor, “This is my friend. He has diabetes. He has not taken any insulin since last week because he could not afford the medicine. Please take good care of him.”

And with that, I handed off my dear friend to the local physician. I have no idea what happened. With the man’s blood sugar being extremely high and being in diabetic ketoacidosis, he should have gone to the hospital and should have received immediate medical intervention. It is a tricky process to lower a person’s blood sugar and requires a lot of blood work and careful monitoring. However, I have no idea if the man was ever transported to the hospital, or if the hospital was able to safely lower the man’s blood sugar. There is a real possibility, the man may have died.

Moral of the story: If you ever have someone ask you for money, PLEASE GIVE! You never know why they may need the money. “Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God” (Hebrews 13:16). Moreover, if you refuse to give because you think they are not worthy of your cash, please know your hard heart may kill the person.

To this day, I still cry when I think about this man, and my erroneous belief that he did not need my money. I may well have killed the man. And that is extremely hard to live with. “Give to him who asks you, and from him who wants to borrow from you, do not turn away” (Matthew 5:42).

A crouching tiger is sitting at my door

Every week, I sit in a Bible study, and something from Scripture will jump out at me. I am enthralled and captivated by verses and meanings which I had never thought of before.

This week, I was desperately trying to sit through the session. My pancreas was raging in pain. My head was aching from a headache which had been tightly sneezing my skull for five days. I tell myself I have to concentrate.

The teacher passes out sheets of paper with a memory verse. “If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you of not do what is right, sin is crouching at the door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it” (Genesis 4:7).

I am delighted to receive this scripture. It is one of my favorites. It conjures up an image of a tiger waiting by the door. As a person absentmindedly exits his dwelling, the tiger (sin) springs upon him. He has the choice to fight it or let it defeat him. I tell myself I will mediate on this verse all week.

A few days pass. My pancreas is better, and my headache is gone. In an instant, chaos erupts as I receive an email which forces me to radically change my plans. I am extremely frustrated and upset. Someone notifies me 4 hours before the event that I have to find a different venue. My emotions fly into overdrive. I desperately try to contact everyone coming and make last minute arrangements at an alternative location.

For the rest of the night, I am on edge. Perhaps it is not all bad as the surge of emotions gives me energy to get through the night.

After the event, as I sit in bed regretting that I had failed this test, I open my Bible to where I had placed my Bible verse. I read the memory verse. I then smile and laugh.

Today, sin had crouched at my door and had sprung upon me. Instead of fighting it, I let it devour me, I sigh and think, “As hard I try to master sin, it is constantly pouncing upon me. Perhaps some day I will be better. But for now, I need to keep meditating on this verse.”

My Most Memorable Racism Experience

 I sit in my kindergarten class. The teacher explains we are going to learn about racism. The room is going to be split into blacks only and whites only. The teacher assigns a race to every student. She intentionally makes best friends to be opposite colors. In the morning, I was to be “white” while my best friend was to be “black”.

The rules for the game were such. Whites could only play with whites. Blacks could only play with blacks. Whites got to go outside first for recess. Whites got to go to the drinking fountain first.

I was terribly heart-broken to be separated from my friend. At recess, I slowly made my way outside so I could talk to my “black” friend when she was dismissed for recess. At the drinking fountain, I waited to be the last “white” person in line so I could talk to the “black” students behind me.

After lunch, the roles were reversed. All “white” students were assigned to be “black” and all “black” students were to become “white”.

I was now “black” and my best friend was now “white”. My friend decided she could not talk to me or play with me because I was “black”. As soon as she was dismissed for recess, she hurried outside. She did not wait for me. At the drinking fountain, she rushed to get in line. She never looked to see where I was. She refused to talk to me.

I was absolutely crushed by this whole experience. I could never have imagined how quickly hate could arise simply due to a teacher assigning skin colors to students. These were just imaginary labels.

In the real world, labels regarding someone’s race, ethnicity and faith abound. And perhaps that is why I am always sensitive to those around me. Anyone from a different country or a different background, I try to show respect and value our differences. It is easy to segregate into our own communities, but to stand together as one people, that takes real patience and understanding.

I am struggling to keep up!

When I started my YouTube channel in April 2020, I was thrilled to receive a single comment on YouTube. It would be the highlight of my day. Slowly, I started receiving more and more comments. Since the fall, the number of comments, Facebook inquiries, emails and other social media communication has sky-rocketed. I spend up to four hours a day communicating with people.

 I do not know how larger YouTube channels keep up with the demand. 

 I know many hire people to monitor the social media. This would be a wonderful break for me…if I could not be constantly bogged down with so much correspondence. I am struggling to produce videos because I do not have time to devote to both social media and media creation.

If my channel continues to grow, there may be a point where I can no longer answer every inquiry or concern. It will be a sad day, but I am running out of time and energy to respond to so many requests.

So excited to serve! What a blessing!

The past few weeks have been quite exciting! There is a special committee being set up at my congregation. I read about the committee and thought it would be fun to serve on it, but I did not think I was the right person. We have so many talented people in our congregation. I knew lots of people wanted to be on the committee, and someone more qualified than me would be the right choice.

Two weeks ago, I was informed someone nominated me to be on a committee. I was absolutely shocked someone had nominated me. I was flattered someone thought so highly of me as to place my name in the pool for the committee. One of the leaders of the congregation called me and asked if I would be willing to have my name placed on the ballot. I said yes.

This past weekend, it was election time. There were 17 people on the ballot for only 9 spots. I was overwhelmed with joy to be listed among so many incredible people. I knew I did not have a chance at winning the election. Each and every person on the ballot was more qualified than me.

On Monday, I received an email. It congratulated me on being selected to serve on the committee. ME!? I am on the committee!? I was blown away that such a blessing was placed upon me.

I am humbled to have been selected to serve on this committee. I hope and pray I can be a blessing to those around me. I hope and pray I am able to fulfill the role to its fullest potential. What an incredible blessing!