If you want to know how Jesus felt, start a YouTube channel

 As I go from week to week, I receive communication from all over the world on my YouTube channel. The majority of it is nice. Most people say how a video helped them. Gratitude is expressed. Some of the comments make me cry. Unfortunately, not everyone receives the best medical care, and death occurs.

And then there are those people who like to express dissatisfaction with me for no particular reason. People mud sling words at me. I used to take it personally, but now I know better. I remind myself of scripture. People hated Jesus for no reason. If they hated Him without a cause, people can also hate me for no reason at all.

Then there are a scant minority who tell me I am wrong on a topic. Medicine is broad, and there are many different approaches to doing procedures and treating various medical afflictions. I have no problems with people having different opinions. But usually, the point of contention is on something which is well established.

For example, a woman argued with me that placing a tracheostomy tube in the airway will not affect a person’s ability to speak. If you wish, I can take off my ventilator and attempt to speak. This does not work well as almost all the air will rush out my tracheostomy tube and will not pass through my vocal cords. The words which come out of my mouth are very quiet and hard to hear and understand. To communicate with an audible voice, I have to place my finger over the end of my tracheostomy tube to force air up my airway and through my vocal cords to speak. It takes a lot of practice and the ability to use different muscles to speak with a tracheostomy tube. I tried explaining this to the woman, but she told me it was “misinformation”.

I was dumb-founded by this, but then I remembered Jesus. Jesus tells people the truth, but people refuse to listen. This made me sad. I am sad for those who do not follow Jesus’ teachings, but I am also sad for this woman. Her child is about to get a tracheostomy tube. She is going to be in for a rude awakening when her child struggles to speak after getting a tracheostomy tube.

I hope and pray the woman has the resources to help her child adjust to life with a tracheostomy tube. And just like Jesus, I continue with my head down, trying to help people, but when the mud slinging starts, I have a deeper understanding of what Jesus went through.

Trying to stay calm, but I’m am losing my cool…

Today was a day I thought I would conquer the world. I normally film YouTube today, but it was cloudy outside. I need the sun to be shining otherwise my YouTube videos have poor lighting. Not being able to do YouTube, I thought I would do a few other essential tasks.

First up, I called my insurance company to file a claim. When the woman looked at my account, information I sent in 2 weeks ago was incorrect. I had submitted the wrong documentation. I had to go back and resubmit the correct document. It was not a big deal, but now I am not sure if a claim I made last week will be reimbursed. It is not the end of the world, but it was very frustrating.

Next, I worked on a YouTube video a viewer wanted. The video is a HUGE project. I did not want to do the film because I knew it would take me ages and ages to put together. And true to its anticipation, this video is an energy and time hog. I cannot tell you how many hours I have dedicated to this video. I am exhausted. This reminds me of doing a project for school. It never ends and makes me want to throw my computer at the wall. I am beyond frustrated with this video.

As the clock neared 5 p.m., I realized the pharmacy did not call. I have been trying to get IV antibiotics for a lung infection since last week Monday. It looks like I will have to continue to wait for the medicine.

While taking a break from the video, I called one of my student loan servicers to inquire about the loan forgiveness. Although I received an email from the federal government stating I am eligible for the student loan debt forgiveness, the woman at my loan company said my loans do not qualify. When I mentioned I had received an email, she said there were a lot of scams out there. I did not question her, but why would the federal government send me a scam email? I again was frustrated and ended the call.

My monstrous YouTube video continues to call and beckon me back to the world of frustration. I should go. The sooner I work on the project, the sooner I can be done with it.
 

How my failing voice is helping people worldwide

For about a year, I have been having a lot of issues with my voice. I get frustrated because my voice gives out in my videos. To disguise this, I have learned to place photos and images in my videos. Also, since my voice sometimes becomes weak, I feel my sentences are not always easy to understand. I have started putting the text to my videos on the screen along with photos or images of what I am speaking about.

Someone recently contacted me from Brazil. He thanked me. His English is very basic, but because I place images on the screen and also a lot of text, he is able to figure out what I am talking about.

I have been very frustrated with my voice. Creating videos which have lots and lots of images in them is very tedious and time consuming. I guess I never imaged this hindrance is actually helping people worldwide understand my videos. This is yet another time where God is using all things for good.

500,000 Views! Thank You!

When I log in to my YouTube account, YouTube always displays various statistics for my channel. I rarely look at them because I cannot control how many subscribers I get or how many videos people watch. It is nice to have this information, but for me, I do not pay much attention.

Recently, I happened to see my channel was nearing 500,000 views. I was flabbergasted that many people have watched my videos. I then started looking every day at the number of views my channel had.

When I woke up this morning, I logged in to my YouTube channel. I was thrilled when the counter said I had 500.0K views! I had done it. A half million views! WOW! How very exciting!

 

The next milestone is getting 5,000 subscribers. I am really close to hitting this mark. How amazing!

Thank you to everyone who supports this channel. I am so grateful and thankful for you.

Reflections: 6 Years with a Tracheostomy Tube & Ventilator

Six years ago today, I arrived at a hospital to get a tracheostomy tube and to be started on invasive ventilation. I had no idea what to expect. I could not get an answer from anyone if I was going to be admitted to the hospital after the surgery or if would be sent home. Moreover, there seemed to be general confusion about what procedure I was going to have.

The surgeon knew I needed a tracheostomy tube, but the rest of the hospital staff seemed to be clueless. One person told me they were just going to change out my tracheostomy tube. I said, “I do not have a tracheostomy tube.” The person said, “Oh. Well, then I do not know what we are going to be doing.”

After getting my tracheostomy tube, I woke up as I was being wheeled into the intensive care unit (ICU). I was a little shocked that I was going to staying in the ICU. The ICU was or really sick people. I just got a tracheostomy tube. Why did I need to be in the ICU? I later found out, since I was using invasive ventilation, I had to be in the ICU. This is where the respiratory therapists worked in the hospital. If I was in a regular room and an emergency arose, I would probably be dead by the time a respiratory therapist would be able to get to my room.

Many things went wrong the nine days I was in the hospital. You might think, “Nine days!? Wow, that was a long stay to get a tracheostomy tube!” The reality is, I was supposed to have been released earlier, but the entire staff from my medical equipment company was out of town at a conference. There was only one person in the office. I had to wait until he was able to make the half hour drive to the hospital and give me training on going home with a tracheostomy tube. Since I was not an urgent matter, I was not a high priority.

I almost died twice while hospitalized. One time, a doctor decided I did not need full respiratory support. He switched my ventilator over to the CPAP mode. CPAP blows high pressure into the airways. This is fine for inhalation, but to exhale, a person has to use a lot of energy to breathe out over the high pressure of the machine. Very quickly, my respiratory muscles gave out, and I went into respiratory distress. Praise God, my mom was by my side. She ran into the hallway and screamed for someone to come. The ICU was vacant. No medical staff was in the vicinity. She ran and finally found someone. When I thought I was going to die from sheer exhaustion, the machine was at last switched back over to full respiratory support.

I also had another incident where my tracheostomy tube became clogged with mucus. That incident could have been avoided if my inner cannula would have been changed. No one ever changed my inner cannula during my time in the hospital. When my tracheostomy tube became completely clogged with mucus, it was God who alerted a head nurse to my plight. The nurse intervened when I was on the verge of death, and once again my life was spared.

When the respiratory therapist came from my medical equipment company to show me how to care for my tracheostomy tube, he pulled out my inner cannula. He gasped and asked, “When was the last time this was changed out?” I said, “It has never been changed.” I thought the man was going to faint when I said that. This was the ninth day after getting my tracheostomy tube. He said it should have been changed out at least twice a day. He had never seen an inner cannula so dirty. He had no idea how I was able to breathe through all the mucus. Once again, I know it was God who was keeping me alive.

Since that time, other situations have arisen in which medical negligence and ignorance have almost cost me my life. Thankfully, God always leads me and directs my path. I know one day my life will end, but for the moment, I rejoice God has given me six extra years of life. Happy Anniversary!