I’d rather be the victim than the victor

Over the last few weeks, a number of people have contacted me regarding various topics. The main theme is: I need help. Can you help me?

I have learned long ago to not get entangled in other people’s affairs. If I see someone post on Facebook about having a certain medical condition or wanting help with a personal issue, I try not to get involved. I will only give encouraging words and/or tell the person I am praying for him. I have found if I try to offer assistance, it is a waste of my time and energy.

These last few weeks, people have reached out to me, specifically asking for assistance. I did not want to respond, but out of courtesy I opined. I tried hard to make my comments short. I tried to be to the point. After feeling as though I did a Herculean job, I submitted my work. Sadly, the people did not seem to want my assistance. My words fell on blind eyes.

I try not to be upset, but it is hard. I have limited energy. It takes a lot of concentration to string together words and coherent thoughts. Many times I have complex ideas I try to sift down and explain in kindergarten terms. It is a grueling process.

After the event is over and done with, I wonder why I allowed myself to be dragged into these situations. The person seemed so desperate. The person asked specifically for my help. In the end, they all have the same outcome. They do not want my help. They just want confirmation they have the worse situation anyone can imagine. If you give them ideas on how to overcome the challenge, your words are met with stiff resistance. I am told, “No! There is no solution to my situation! Nothing will help me!”

People do not want to change. I need to remind myself that.

In today’s culture, people want to play the victim and receive all associated pity and sympathy. If there is no magic pill to correct their situation, then there is no hope at all. People do not want to find a way and do the hard work of changing—changing your diet, changing your lifestyle, changing your friends, changing the way you react to certain situations, etc.

I have always believed there is a way to get out of every event in life. It usually is not easy, but there is always something which can be done. Unfortunately, people have become very lazy. They would rather live a miserable life than try to change. They would rather be the victim than the victor.

YouTube: The Emotional Drain of Trying to Help Others

Having a YouTube channel can be emotionally draining. In less than 24 hours, I have been asked for information about post virus syndrome, which required me to do research on this condition and the mechanism which leads to the symptoms. It was very interesting, but very energy draining to read medical journals. I tried to help the person as much as possible, but in the end, time is the only thing which will help the person recover from the illness.

Another woman reached out to me to help find remedies for pain and associated symptoms. It took a while for me to reflect back on measures I have taken to reduce my body’s pain. The biggest thing I have done is change my diet. Food allergies/sensitives plus eating sugar were stressing my body and producing severe pain. I tried to give the person ideas on how to reduce pain levels in the body

And then a man from India (whom I have been communicating with frequently regarding his father after his father got a tracheostomy tube earlier this year) informed me his dear father passed away. Although I have never met the father, I was deeply saddened to hear of his passing. The son had tried so hard to give the father the best possible life. I hope and pray the family find comfort during this time of need.

Don’t open that letter. Don’t answer the phone. Don’t look at social media.

Usually my life is pretty low key. I go from day to day without much happening. Once in a while something dramatic will occur—sepsis, blood clots, pancreatitis, etc. However, these episodes are usually spaced out.

Today was a chaotic day. It actually started last night, when before going to bed, I felt the need to check Facebook. There on my newsfeed was a notice a woman who had Mitochondrial Disease passed away. I did not know her personally, but I felt drawn to look at her profile and obituary. I found out she used to live very close to me. I would drive by her home frequently going to the farmer’s market and grocery store. How sad it was I was so close to someone else with the same medical condition and never knew it!

Today, I received a bill stating I owe almost $750 for medical supplies I thought were covered by insurance. I found out today, they are not. I just received another shipment of supplies last week. I will have to wait to see if I also get billed for those. If I do, my balance will be almost $1,000.

Shortly after finding out about the medical bill, I received a phone call from my pancreas doctor. My original appointment was supposed to be in October. When October came, I found out it was never scheduled. I then scheduled the next available appointment which was in January. Today, that appointment was cancelled because the doctor will be out of the office. The next available appointment is in February.

Feeling a little defeated, I check my email. There is a notification I have a new YouTube comment on a video. The comment is negative and sarcastic. I do not respond to the comment. As a rule, I wait 24 hours to a week to respond to comments which require any sort of thought. Moreover, I have to decide if I even want to respond. Sometimes it is not worth the effort to explain my health to someone if I feel it will fall on blind eyes.

So that has been my day. Death, a medical bill, a cancelled appointment and a negative comment. I feel like just lying here and looking at the ceiling. I am ready to go to bed for the night.

1,000 Subscribers. 1,000 Thank You’s!

When I began my YouTube channel in April 2020, I did not know much about YouTube. I did not know what it meant to be a subscriber or how subscribing to a channel helps bolster the channel by ranking it higher in search results and on the sidebar.

When I started posting weekly videos, I was thrilled people subscribed to my channel. I was amazed people felt compelled to hit the “subscribe” button. I told myself if I made it to 100 subscribers, I would be an actual YouTube channel. When I hit the 100 subscribers milestone, I was overcome with joy.

Next up was 500 subscribers. I thought if I got to 500 subscribers, people would see my channel as having videos worth viewing on a regular basis. I was overjoyed to reach 500 subscribers.

Then, I set my eyes on 1,000 subscribers. When YouTube shows numbers on its website, they show the actual number for anything less than 1,000. Once 1,000 is reached, the number is written as 1K. The actual number is often not recorded. Let’s say a person has 1,142 views on a video. It will be written as 1.1K views on most devices. When one million is reached, it is written as 1M. I don’t know why, but I really wanted to reach 1,000 subscribers so my channel would read 1K subscribers.


I have been patiently waiting week after week as the number of subscribers kept climbing toward the 1K mark. I do not keep a close eye on the number of subscribers, but I check it once every 24-48 hours. Yesterday morning I checked, and I had 998 subscribers. Oh, I was so close! I refused to let myself check my channel for the rest of the day. This morning, I checked my channel, and behold, it now said 1K subscribers!!! I had done it! I was nearly leaping and jumping for joy! I was also praising God. I know He allows or causes all things to happen. To reach this 1K milestone was such a precious gift.

You may ask what is my next milestone. That would be 100,000 subscribers. When you reach 100K subscribers you can apply for channel verification. Once your channel is verified, you get a check mark next to your channel’s name. Don’t worry. I am not set on reaching 100K subscribers. That takes a lot of time and energy to produce his quality videos and to respond to 100K subscribers’ questions and inquiries. I am enjoying 1K subscribers and feel very blessed to have reached this milestone so quickly.

Pancreas Pain: It’s BACK!

Last week Sunday: I eat breakfast. As I am in the kitchen sipping some tea before heading back to bed, I suddenly feel a knife like pain cut through my pancreas. It starts in the tail of the pancreas and goes straight across towards the head of the pancreas, but before the pain makes it that far, it stops. It feels as though something is stuck. My pancreas starts spasming. It feels as though my pancreas is trying to expel something from it. I am doubled over in pain and nearly fall to the ground. Spasm after spasm spreads through my pancreas. I become severely nauseous.

After five minutes, the intense spasming stops. I sit in the kitchen too overwhelmed with fatigue and pain to move. I try to collect my thoughts. I think to myself, “This is not normal. I have never had anything like this happen to me before.” Before going to bed, another major pain attack happens. Again, it feels as though a knife is searing through my pancreas. Something gets stuck. My pancreas starts spasming. I feel as though I am going to die from the pain.
 

Fighting through involuntarily sobs from the intense pain, I struggle to the bathroom. I take one fourth of a pain pill. I go to bed and pray for the pain to stop.

I lie in bed, fighting through the relentless pain. I pray this is nothing serious. After two hours, the pain remains. I take another fourth of a pain pill. Two hours later, finally I have pain relief.

The following two days, the pain acts like a nagging memory. It is hard to discern if the pain is there or if my body is simply “remembering” the pain. Then, I eat breakfast on day three. Bam! The pancreas pain is back. Every day, I eat breakfast and then become sick with pancreas pain.

Yesterday was different. I was able to eat breakfast, but when I had a second meal (supper before going to Bible study), my pancreas erupted in pain. I reluctantly took a fourth of a pain pill. The pain subsided enough to get through Bible study. When I got home, the pain started increasing again.

I am concerned this new pancreas pain may need medical attention. I dread the thought of going through an ERCP—a procedure in which a scope is placed down the esophagus through the stomach into the small intestine and then finds its way up the bile duct and into my pancreas. This is a brutal procedure as it ALWAYS causes a severe pancreatitis attack. And what if nothing is found? Will I have to live with this new pain forever.

I am exhausted. This is nothing more draining than pain. I hope and pray this resolves on its own.