What are you doing here? There's nothing we can do for you.

The last many weeks, I have been fighting off a respiratory infection. I am first given antibiotics which are completely ineffective for the bacteria. A few weeks later, I am given a PICC line and IV antibiotics. The infection gets better, but then it worsens. 

I get another culture done to test for the bacteria. The culture still says I have an infection. It is the same bacteria and the drug I am taking is supposed to be effective at killing the bacteria. I am sick. I go to the doctor. He believes I should go to the emergency department (ED) to get stronger antibiotics. The doctor's superior is summoned. He agrees. I need to go to the ED. I am quite sick.

At the ED, my white blood cell count is right at the cut off for being high. My white blood cell differential shows my white blood cells have shifted and indicates there is a bacterial infection. I am given a different and stronger antibiotic. Shortly after the antibiotic, I feel a little bit better. My coughing decreases, but I am still short of breath and have a hard time talking because I am gasping for breath.

As the day is turning to night, my primary care clinic sees me in the ED. The doctor asks, "What are you doing here? There's nothing we can do for you." I am confused. I do not say anything, but I want to shout, "The clinic, the one you work at, sent me here! Both doctors who are senior to you thought I was sick and needed a different antibiotic therapy." I can sense am going to be released home soon.

One of the doctors tells me, "You are not short of breath. That's good." I don't know if the mask I am wearing is obscuring his vision and hearing, but the respiration rate on my ventilator shows my breathing is quite fast. My rapid breath sounds can be heard quite clearly because there is sputum in my airways. My ventilator amplifies the sound. I can only speak a few words and then stop to gasp for breath. 

Knowing this doctor does not like to work (I have had him as a doctor before in the hospital and have witnessed him a number of times pawning his work off to others, not filling out paperwork, etc. Only when his supervisor is around does he step up to the plate and do his job.), I know he is going to do everything possible to not work. Sending me home with different antibiotics requires him to fill out some paperwork. He admits this and says, "That's a lot of work."

One more blood test is ordered. I am given one more round of an IV antibiotic. Soon, I am being pushed out the door. I feel unwell. No new antibiotics are prescribed.

I am grateful to be going home, but I am also heartbroken. I do not feel well. I am concerned my white blood cell count is so high. I am still on IV antibiotics, but they will be ending very soon. What will happen then?

Overwhelmed with fatigue and exhaustion, I rifle through my antibiotic supply. I normally do not take antibiotics needlessly, but there is something (either the bacteria cultured from my lungs or perhaps a new infection in my airways or my PICC line) causing me to be sick. I select a drug which I have a lot of and which covers a wide variety of bacteria. I hope it might provide some relief.

I lie in bed. My airways burn. My PICC line hurts. My head throbs. My pancreas is angry. (Of late, it becomes very sore and makes me quite sick any time antibiotics enter my body.) I fight to go to sleep. I hope in the morning, my body will be in better shape.

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. The righteous person may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all." (Psalm 34:18-19)