Be calm. Ignore the pain.

Since February, I have been having significant pain in my gut. It took me several months to figure out the pain was from my pancreas. Usually the pain is in the middle of my abdomen. Now, it is around my belly button and radiates to the left side of my upper abdomen. I fought through the symptoms, but then in July, I decided I needed to get medical intervention. The pain and frequent bouts of diarrhea were impeding my ability to eat.

In August, I had a telemedicine appointment with a GI doctor I saw in 2018 for my pancreas. The last time he did a procedure called an endoscopic ultrasound (EUS) and another procedure called endoscopic retrograde cholangiopancreatography (ERCP). The EUS is just a scope which goes down your throat, through your stomach and stops in the first part of your small intestines. It then uses a tiny ultrasound to get images of your pancreas. The ERCP is similar, but the endoscope has an extension on it which makes it possible for the scope to go up your bile ducts to your liver and pancreas. It uses a video camera for imaging.

At my appointment, I told the doctor I thought I needed another ERCP. He decided he would only do an EUS unless a CT scan indicated my pancreas had a large abnormality. My CT scan came back normal, but without being able to have contrast dye, the only thing the CT scan could show was that my pancreas is normal in size. It could not give any internal images and could not indicate if the inside of my pancreas had any abnormalities. The procedure remained the same--only an EUS.

The day of my procedure, the doctor called in sick. Thankfully, another physician filled in to do the procedure. After the EUS, I was told a bile duct was enlarged. The cause of the enlarged bile duct could not be seen on the ultrasound. I may need an ERCP, so a video camera can visualize the abnormality. The replacement doctor would relay the information to my doctor. My doctor will decide if I need an ERCP.

I am trying to remain calm and remember God is in control, but I am frustrated. I absolutely despise scopes into my pancreas. They cause a TREMENDOUS amount of pain and make my pancreas extremely angry. The thought of having another scope makes me want to cry. Why couldn't the doctor just do both procedures at the same time and if he did not need to do the ERCP, he could have cancelled it after doing the EUS?

After having the procedure, I was shaking in pain. I was given lots of fentanyl. I struggled during the 6 hour car ride with an angry pancreas. Now, my pancreas has been causing me lots of issues. I can eat only a little bit, and then it explodes in pain for many hours on end.

I do not want to have another scope, with this time the procedure being the ERCP, but I have been very sick with pancreatitis for many months. There is something wrong with my pancreas. We need to figure it out, or I will be on my way to the grave. When you cannot eat, you cannot live.