Stay at Home: I thought I would be more productive

When the Coronavirus was exploding on to the national stage, I was in the hospital sick with pneumonia and kidney issues. I was ready for a break. I felt as though I had been running a marathon for many months. In September, a major sewage back-up in our home exposed me to a rare, potent bacteria. My doctors ignored my tests results. I then became extremely ill in October. I was hospitalized with pneumonia and meningitis. I continued to fight this infection through November. In December, I got a bad cold followed by a sinus infection. At the end of the month, I was throw from an electric cart. (I suffered no broken bones, but I was extremely banged up!)

In January, my respiratory tract was again a mess. I then started on the path to get a port-a-cath. I had the procedure and spent the month of February in the worst pain of my life from port-a-cath complications. In March, the port-a-cath was removed. I again had pneumonia. I was hospitalized two weeks back-to-back. As I was in the hospital the second time, everything was closing around me. Thankfully the hospital I was at stayed open, allowing my mom to visit me. Right after I was discharged, the hospital closed its doors to all visitors.

After making it through all those medical adventures, I was ready for a break. When the order came for us to stay at home, I was relieved to have doctors' appointments cancelled and to be required to remain in the house. Although this seemed like it would be a nice vacation, it actually was quite exhausting. I extremely sick after being hospitalized. I had to frantically get medical care over the phone and via online telemedicine. Tests and procedures the doctor wanted, I had to travel about 45 minutes to an urgent care clinic, laboratory and also an emergency department. Things which would have been easy to do, were now monumental ordeals.

After several trips, I was able to get everything done on April 12. I also was finally feeling better. Now to enjoy a vacation. I rest and relaxed, but I felt so guilty. I had a huge number of things I needed to do which have been postponed for many months due to illness/injuries. And there were several projects I wanted to complete while I had the time. But, it seemed, all too soon, the weeks slipped by. I continued my daily routine, but nothing else was accomplished. I would see folks doing these "around the house" projects and marvel at people's skills. I then would look at a stack of unopened mail and a pile of clean clothes waiting to be put away. Simple things in my life continued to not be done.

And that is what it is like to have a chronic medical condition. You have big ideas and grand dreams about what you want to do, but the energy and the time needed to complete projects always seems to be short in supply. I often think "Tomorrow, I will do x, y, z." When tomorrow comes, muscle spasms, a bad headache or life gets in the way. The energy you were going to use to wash your bed linens was instead used to clean up a mess made in the kitchen when a pan full of greasy water slipped from your hands and splattered everywhere.

I am happy most states around the country are beginning to open up again. It will be a blessing to see more photos and videos of people going about their daily lives. Although my life will not change much, it is such a joy to live vicariously through those around me and to imagine what my life might be like if I did not have chronic illness.