Living on borrowed time

There are certain days of the year we tend to take note of--our birthday, New Year's Eve/Day, our country's Independence Day, important religious days and celebrations. Then, there are the rest of the days of the year on which important events can happen in our lives which often go unnoticed by the rest of the year.

For me, May 3 is a major day in the year. It was on May 3, 2017 when I underwent a tracheostomy procedure to get a tracheosotmy tube placed and be started on invasive ventilation. I am not sure if I have remembered this day the last two years, but this year seems so different.

When I was researching invasive ventilation and tracheostomies, I discovered the average life expectancy for a person with a neuromuscular disease (Mitochondrial Disease is a type of neuromuscular disease) needing to use a ventilator to breathe was 2-5 years. Perhaps for the first two years of using a ventilator to breathe, I felt entitled to live. But, now that I am crossing over into the years when a person may pass away, my life seems more urgent. I know there is no expiration date stamped on the bottom of my foot, but I am also not blind to the fact a ventilator is only a stop-gap intervention. My disease continues to progress. Ventilator complications are always a threat.

As I gaze at my ventilator and listen to the air it pushes in and out of my lungs, I marvel at this piece of technology. A machine small enough to sit on a stand next to my bed sustains me through each day. I wonder how it is possible. I wonder how many people in the centuries gone by died because this device was not yet invented.

With each day, each week and each month, I praise God He has allowed me to live on. I know life support keeps me alive, but it is God who sustains me. Three years ago, He could have impeded my path to getting a tracheostomy. He could have put up road blocks and stumbling stones which may have deterred me from going through with the procedure. But, none of that happened. Instead, time after time, God opened doors and moved mountains to keep me on this path called life. I am grateful for these last three years. I am truly living on borrowed time.