Great escapes

Before becoming ventilator dependent, I was usually placed on the regular medicine floor. This meant that I did not have monitors hooked up to me to record my blood pressure, oxygen levels, heart rate and heart rhythm. I was not tied down to machines and could often flee the confines of my hospital room without anyone noticing...and many times I did just that.

Being a patient greatly stresses me out. God always seems to understand this, and many times my hospital room was at the end of the ward or at the end of a hallway near a bank of elevators. Knowing that on the regular hospital ward, the nurses and nursing assistants only came to my room about once every four hours, I could time my escapes and not have anyone detect my departure. One time I walked with my IV pole about a mile from my hospital room using various walkways which connected the vast medial center. When I arrived at the farthest reaches of the complex, I found a small convenience store which sold organic chocolate. The cashier looked at me in amazement when I made my purchase clothed in a hospital gown and lugging an IV pole with me. "You are a VERY long ways from the hospital! How did you get all the way over here?" the young male cashier asked. I replied, "I walked."

Another time, I was extremely hungry. The hospital food service did not have organic food. Someone went to the store to accommodate my needs. For over a week, I was fed nothing more than ground up organic chicken and organic apple juice. Being hospitalized with pancreatitis attacks, eating just protein was a very bad idea! The chicken kept provoking more pancreatitis attacks. I finally stopped eating the chicken. I became extraordinarily famished. I thought I was going to eat my arm from sheer hunger.

After the nurse disconnected me from my IV to allow me to shower, I put on street clothes and hid my hospital bracelet and IV beneath long sleeves. I fled my room and found the elevator. I searched the directory and discovered the cafeteria was located in the basement. I praised God when I found a small cafe which sold a scant amount of organic food. I found an organic quinoa salad and greedily made my purchase. I then found a seat in the cafeteria and scarfed down my food. I lingered for a while and enjoyed the freedom of not being a patient. When nearly an hour passed, I feared my nurse might detect my absence. I reluctantly returned to my hospital room. My escape was never discovered.