Obedient unto death?

Tears steam down my face. I am tired; I am exhausted; I am out of energy to fight my respiratory infection. I travel to my doctor’s appointment hoping, praying for relief. I am given one treatment option, Cipro, a highly toxic drug which damages and destroys mitochondria. I protest. I cannot take the drug. I have had awful side effects from this class of drug in the past.

My pleas are ignore. I am told this is my only treatment option. My peripherally inserted central catheter (PICC) is removed. I am now cutoff from receiving any intravenous mediation.

I go home and ponder taking this highly poisonous drug. But how can I knowingly take a drug which will worsen my mitochondrial disease? How can I take a drug which causes suicidal thoughts? I want to be obedient. But is this what it means to be obedient unto death?

I pray and pray to God, “Oh, what should I do? Please help me. Please guide me.”

God places a memory into my mind. A doctor is yelling at me for receiving intravenous immunoglobulin (IVIG). “You should have known better. You should have known the side effects to IVIG. You should have known this would have made you extremely sick. You should have known this treatment is contraindicated...” And the doctor’s words continue as she proceeds to chasten me for making a poor decision to get IVIG.

As this incident floats through my mind, I cannot think this is God’s answer. I know Cipro is contraindicated for Mito. I know Cipro will make me extremely sick. Can I also imply from this memory that Cipro will also cause additional long-lasting complications?

I again inform the doctor through various forms of communication that I cannot take Cipro. I am advised there are two other drugs available which can treat my infection; however, they are only available intravenously. The doctor says no to the treatments and no to me having another PICC line inserted.

I am trying to remain strong, but I am so weak. I am trying to remain optimistic, but tremendous sorrow overwhelms my heart. I want to be free from this infection. I am trying to cling close to God and know that He has all this in control...but I cannot stop the tears flowing down my cheeks. “Heal me, O LORD, and I shall be healed. Save me and I shall be saved. For You are my praise” (Jeremiah 17:14).