The wedge

Last summer, in the midst of dire straits, God introduced into my life an amazing medical professional. She was kind; she was caring; she was smart. As much as I desperately wanted to put my hope and trust in her, God continually reminded me, “It is better to trust in the LORD than to put your confidence in man” (Psalm 118:8). I know this is true over and over again, but I just wanted to have a comrade in the world of medicine. I yearned to have someone believe me and understand my medical conditions.

As the months have rolled by, I have been continually on edge. I know God will use this relationship as He desires. At His will, everything will fall apart. I have been holding my breath, waiting for a difference of opinion or a misunderstanding to arise between the clinician and myself. But, time after time, everything has gone smoothly.

Finally, at my last appointment, I could sense God had placed a wedge into the relationship. It did not matter what I said, my words fell on deaf ears. Decisions about my medical case seemed to have already been dertermined before I ever spoke to the clinician. My heart sank as I sat trying not to think that this probably was the end of our partnership. God’s purpose for this medical professional in my life had run its course. It was now time to move on.

As much as I want to desperately salvage this medical alliance, I know God will continue to oppose this partnership. So many questions run through my mind—what now? Who will help me through this medical system? Who will help me get the medical treatment I need? I want to collapse on my bed and cry my eyes out, but I know this will accomplish little. Instead, with a heart and mind open to God, I shall trust in the LORD and put my confidence in Him.