Another area of my life where I have found joy is by not resisting. I made a promise to God that if someone asked me to do something, I would do it. I would leave it to God to provide the necessary energy and strength to make it through the task. I no longer waste energy by wrestling with the decision if I should or should not do the task. I leave it all up to God. If I am to do something, He will move mountains to make it happen. If I am not supposed to do something, He will close doors to make it not possible. Here is an example of this.
On a Sunday this spring, my heart sank as I saw printed in the church bulletin that the memorial service for my friend Laura's husband was going to be that afternoon. "Oh, Lord, I am so tired. Sundays are so hard on me--getting up early and then enduring a morning out of the house. I want to go to the memorial service, but I am so tired. Lord, make it known unto me what I should do. Direct me in the way I should go and make it known unto me with a sign."
As I was enjoying the church service, I kept hearing in my head that I should abandon my place in the middle of the room (a place in which I was using a pillar to prop my head up against) and seek the perimeter of the room, in which there was located an electrical outlet. I kept arguing with myself. "I can go about five hours using the batteries on my ventilator. I do not need to plug it into the wall to avoid any additional drain on the batteries and also at the same time allow the batteries to charge." However, when the pastor was finished preaching, I wheeled over to the wall and plugged in my ventilator.
When I arrived home, I discovered we were in the midst of a power outage. "Oh, thank You Lord for telling me to plug in my ventilator! With plugging it in at church, I have enough power on my batteries to last a couple hours. Also, this is probably the sign I asked for at church. I guess this means I am supposed to go to the memorial service."
Forty-five minute before I needed to leave for the memorial service, the power was restored. Praise the Lord! I now had electricity to charge the ventilator some more to ensure I would have enough battery power to get me to and from the service. Also, I could enjoy some tea now that there was electricity to work the stove and make some food (since most of my food was in the refrigerator, and I had avoided opening and closing the fridge door to not let all the cold air out). Eating, drinking and breathing...life is good!
On my way to the memorial service, I realized I was not exactly sure how to get to the location. Thankfully, traffic was thick, and I was able to use the map on the car's GPS to figure out how to get to the general location of where the service was to be held. When I neared the location, I become a bit anxious. Oh, no, I have no idea where to go. No worries. I heard a voice tell me to follow a car which was a little ways ahead of me. Where that car turned, I turned. As I followed the car, it lead me to the entrance of the gated community. At the gate, the security guard was able to direct me to the memorial service site.
When I arrived at the community center, I again panicked. Oh, no, there are so many cars, and the center is quite large. "Oh, Lord, help me find a close parking space and help me figure out where I need to go." As I approached the front on the building, there was a space near the wheelchair ramp. "Thank you Jesus!" As I rolled up the ramp, I had no idea if I was supposed to go right, left or straight ahead. Before I had time to guess which way to go, a man came around the corner of the building. He asked if I was looking for the memorial service. I said I was. He told me it was just inside the door in front of me. Before I had a chance to slowly wheel up the steep ramp backwards towards the door, the pastor from my church opened the door and grabbed hold of my wheelchair. He wheeled into the room and placed me next to a very sweet man (John) and his wife from Canada.
The service was lovely. At the end of the service, the man from Canada offered to wheel me up to the front to say my condolences to Laura. I also was especially grateful because I was able to meet Laura's beautiful daughter. What a joy and blessing it was to give her a hug. John volunteered to wheel me out to my car. He then also loaded my wheelchair into the car. (What a tremendous blessing he was!)
After this eventful day, I am so glad God directed my way to go to the memorial service. Whenever I needed help in the way I should go, God provided me with direction and assistance. It is truly amazing to be the recipient of God's abundant blessings.
Lastly, when I am feeling very sick or very depressed, I often think about heaven. Somehow, thinking about a place in which there is no sin, a place in which there is no suffering, a place in which there is no disease makes me very happy. Last year, during one of his sermons, the pastor at my church said something which has changed my life. “What it the worst thing that can happen to you? You die and go to heaven.” This thought of going to heaven is such a comfort in times of great distress. There have been numerous times when I am having a bad reaction to a medication or a downward spiral in my health, and I cling to these words. Even during these dark times, I try to rejoice and thank God for heaven. I think about Jesus suffering when He hung on the cross. I am reminded that even though His suffering was extreme, it came to an end. No matter how hard a situation is, it too shall pass. “Weeping may endure for a night by joy comes in the morning” (Psalm 30:5).
So, this is how I try to live my life. I try to give thanks to God always and try to rejoice always. Many trials and challenges lie before all of us. We have the choice of either clinging to God and rising above them or allowing fear, anger and pain consume us. I suggest clinging to God. But don’t take my word. Try it yourself.
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