Energy consumes my thoughts. I am constantly doing a
cost-benefit analysis on my energy levels. “I want to go to the store, but I
have Bible study tomorrow night. If I go
to the store today, I will be too tired to go to Bible study tomorrow. I made a
commitment to God to teach His word. So, I will have to skip going to the
store.” These thoughts constantly race through my mind. If I do too much, my
body runs out of energy.
I suffer from a disease called Mitochondrial
Disease, which inhibits my body’s ability to produce energy. Inside every cell
in the body, there are tiny powerhouses called mitochondria. The job of the
mitochondria is to produce a molecule called ATP. In the body, ATP is the
body’s energy source. Without ATP, the body cannot function. ATP is required to
do everything in your body—digestion, thinking, flexing your muscles,
breathing, producing enzymes, making hormones, contracting and relaxing your
muscles to beat your heart, etc.
If I force myself to do too much, my body’s ability to produce ATP is greatly
inhibited. This means, organ systems have less energy available to them to function, which leads to decreased function of an organ or
complete failure. The most recent area of my body affected is my breathing. My mitochondrial disease has depleted the working mitochondria in my
diaphragm—which are two large muscles needed to allow a person to inhale.
Without these muscles functioning properly, it is very hard for me to breathe
on my own. Thankfully, I have been able to get a tracheostomy and have a
ventilator to breathe for me.
Back to energy. With having not a lot of energy, I have been forced to use my precious
energy supply sparingly. Wild swings in emotions are very energy intensive and
are a complete waste of energy. Does it matter if you get mad at someone for
cutting you off in traffic? Does it matter that you hold a grudge against
someone?
Thankfully, God has showed me again and again how to
manage my emotions. 1 Thessalonians 5:16 says, “Rejoice always”. Joy is one
emotion which does not cost the body a lot of energy. Instead, joy often seems
to increase my energy levels. So, whenever I can, and as often as I can, I try
to rejoice always.
As easy as it sounds, being always joyful is a
constant battle. It is so easy for us to be caught in a bad turmoil of
emotions. As soon as I find myself in this situation, I stop and try to think
of something positive, anything positive, and give thanks to God. Rejoicing
always requires constant vigilance to not let others and to not let a situation
determine your mood. Thankfully, through much practice, rejoicing becomes
easier and easier.
After becoming severely sick many years ago, I
decided I wanted to see the good in the world. I wanted to see God’s goodness
in everything. Whenever someone did something for me, I would take a moment to
thank God. Soon, despite having very lousy health, I was seeing God constantly
at work all around me. If I went to the bank and someone cut in front of me in
line, I tried to remain calm. When my turn came, the teller I had was extremely
fast and very polite. She quickly processed my transaction and I was leaving
the bank before the man who cut in line in front of me did. I immediately sent
up praises to God for giving me the fastest bank teller in the building. If the
man would not have cut in front of me, I would still be inside the bank. In any
situation I found myself in, I tried to find ways to praise God.
Soon, I stopped seeing the bad in the world.
An example of this is going to the grocery store with my friend. I was so happy when I
left the store as I saw over and over again God sending people my way to help me through
the store. My friend, on the other hand was filled with complaints. “Did you see
how three people rushed ahead of us when we were trying to enter the building?
Then, the man in produce shoved his cart right in front of you so you could not proceed down the aisle. And then there was that woman who blocked the ramp so
you could not exit the store.” And the list of complaints could go on and on.
Amazingly, as my friend was expressing all her anger, I had not noticed all these
inconveniences. Instead, I noticed a man move a shopping cart out of my way so
I could enter the store. I noticed the cashier giving me a warm smile in the
checkout line. I noticed an employee come over to our checkout line and bag up
our groceries. He then placed the bags in our cart and offered to take the
groceries out to our car. Again and again, I saw God showering us with
blessings. My friend, on the other hand, could only seem to focus on all the
negative aspects of our grocery experience.
I often thank God for His continual guidance on
being so loving. I know I, too, was once like my friend. I,
too, would only ever see the bad things in life and would miss so many of God’s
abundant blessings. It seems the more I look, the more I see God working in my
life.
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