You are a disgrace to your family, you drunkard!

Many years ago, my niece and nephew were slated to be baptized. I was so excited to be able to witness this ceremony. I was in my early years of having Postural Othrostatic Tachycardia Syndrome, a condition which causes my heart rate to race upon standing. When my heart races extremely fast, I must lie down immediately or risk passing out. I was also very young and tried to hide my condition.

When the church service started, the congregation stood to sing a song. Not wanting to endure the looks and stares of those around me if I remained seated, I stood and tried to sing. Unfortunately, what I failed to know was standing caused my heart rate to race to 140 beats per minute. When I attempted to sing, my heart rate raced to 160 beats per minute. Immediately, I felt very unwell. I needed to lie flat as soon as possible, or I was going to pass out. I rushed out of the sanctuary and found an inviting section of floor next to a wall. With as much muscle control as I could find, I collapsed in a heap to the ground. Immediately some church greeters rushed over to me. Thankfully, my dad had followed me out of the sanctuary. He was able to convince the folks I did not need an ambulance and that I just needed to lie flat. The commotion in the lobby drew the attention of the priest.

Seeing me lying on the ground (and surmising I was not going to be going back into the sanctuary for the rest of the service), the priest decided to give me a sermon in the lobby. "You are a disgrace to your family, you drunkard! You could not stay home for one Saturday night, but had to go out partying. And now, you come to church drunk! You have no reverence for God or church!" The priest continued on for a couple minutes, with his words searing my soul. When my body is recovering from a tachycardia episode, I lose the ability to speak or move. I could only lie motionless on the floor, unable to correct the priest's erroneous accusations.

This week, as my friends and I were talking about 1 Samuel chapter 1, we came to a passage where the high priest named Eli assumes that Hannah came to worship drunk. With much grace, Hannah corrects the priest; yet she gives the priest the utmost reverence in her response. "As she continued praying before the LORD, Eli observed her mouth. Hannah was praying silently; only her lips moved, but her voice was not heard; therefore Eli thought she was drunk. So Eli said to her, 'How long will you make a drunken spectacle of yourself? Put away your wine.' But Hannah answered, 'No, my lord. I am a woman deeply troubled; I have drunk neither wine nor strong drink, but I have been pouring out my soul before the LORD'" (1 Samuel 1:12-15).

After discussing this passage, suddenly my own experience with a priest calling me a drunkard came to mind. After all these years of having this painful memory burden my soul, the LORD showed me in His word that mistakenly being called a drunkard by a priest has been happening for thousands of years. I need to follow Hannah's example of "pouring out my soul before the LORD". Since reflecting on this passage of scripture, I know God saw how hard I tried to attend that church service so many years ago, and He knows I was not drunk. A sense of comfort and peace has filled my soul. "For those who desire life and desire to see good days, let them keep their tongues from evil and their lips from speaking deceit; let them turn away from evil and do good; let them seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and His ears are open to their prayer'" (James 3:10-12).