Doubting God's healing power

Over and over again in my head, I ponder God's healing power. I read about the incredible healing Jesus did--healing the blind, the demon-possessed, a woman with a blood issue, Peter's mother-in-law, etc. Yet, as I read these stories, I often feel as though they are in the past. I try to keep telling myself if God wants to heal me, He will heal me, but I often feel as though these are vain repetitions, empty words in the pit of my stomach.

On Sunday, Pastor was talking about God's omniscience. He broke down the word--omni meaning all knowing and science meaning knowledge. He went on to say God knows all the hairs on your head and all the cells in your body. Moreover, God knows all atoms and particles which make up atoms. As I thought about this, I started to cry. I suddenly realized God knew each and every cell in my body and knew which cells were sick. Additionally, God knew each and every mitochondrion inside my cells which was misbehaving. A tremendous sense of awe filled my soul. I suddenly knew God could heal me. The dark cloud of doubt lifted from my heart. Of course God knows what is wrong with me. He created me, didn't He? When did my heart turn so cold and bitter towards God's ability to heal?

As much as I desire healing, desire to be free from the never-ending symptoms which dictate my life, I know God has me right where I need to be. It is only through sickness I can see the tremendous blessings and incredible miracles God does each and every day. I have able to witness over and over again how God answers prayer. And, sometimes God's answer is "no". As hard as it is to not be free from my health challenges, I must accept God's answer and continue to love, honor and glorify Him in all that I do.The Apostle Paul writes about his thorn in the flesh. "For this thing I besought the Lord three times that it might depart from me. And He said unto me, 'My grace is sufficient for you: for My strength is made perfect in weakness.' Most gladly, therefore, will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore, I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong." (2 Corinthinas 12:8-10)