YouTube Comments. I am always learning something

Since starting YouTube, I always enjoy receiving comments. I used to loathe a negative comment, but as the years have passed, I actually appreciate them.

People tell me all sorts of things. And as far as the negative comments go, they range from attacks on my channel to making fun of how I speak with a tracheostomy tube to general hatred. I usually allow all comments unless it is a vile off-the-wall comment. Attacks against me, I mostly leave up to allow others to see what I have to deal with while being a YouTube vlogger. The one exception is if the original comment elicits one or more replies from other YouTube viewers which are not kind. Slander gets deleted.

 

As for the negative comments, I read them and think about them. If someone took the time to post something, there is usually a grain of truth in his words. I use the comment to try to change my character and become a better person.

Recently, someone said I appear to be passive aggressive. I was unsure what this term meant. I looked up the meaning and laughed. I may be many things, but being passive aggressive is not one of them.

I do not like to be angry or mean-spirited. I try my hardest to give people the benefit of the doubt. If someone does do something against me, I try hard to move on. I like the scripture verse, “Love covers a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8). I try to love people and appreciate even the bad things which may have arisen due to the person’s actions or words. I remember the Scripture verse, “God works all things for good” (Romans 8:28).

The one thing I wish I could change about the world is people being mean. I know I cannot change the world, but I can change myself. I try every day to be kind and to rid my character of anything which is not full of love, peace, joy and kindness. However, after reading the comment that I appear passive aggressive, I will work even harder on my character to be a better person.

The hardest part of having a YouTube channel

As much as I love YouTube, and enjoy the people I meet, there is also a part of me which is shattered into a million pieces. People find my YouTube channel, and share their lives with me. I am always grateful to be privy to this information. However, many times, folks tell me of things which did not go right.

I cannot tell you how many times I wish I could have changed things; how many times I wish I could have intervened.

Today, a sweet soul left this comment on my YouTube channel:
 “My father had a stroke at the age of 80. He had a tracheostomy and after a few days hated the prognosis of having his lungs cleaned,. It was uncomfortable. The doctors removed it and he passed away 48 hour later, with morphine. Im shocked and confused.”

I cannot tell you how my heart breaks and tears run down my face. If only this man would have been able to talk to someone who was knowledgeable about tracheostomy tubes. There are many different methods to clearing the lungs. Many times, patients are not offered these alternatives.

I wish I could have changed the outcome of this situation. I cannot imagine the pain it must be to lose a father. Praying for this family. May they find peace and comfort in the days, weeks and months ahead. May the father’s memory be a blessing.

After a short break, back to the stress of life

Recently, I took some time off from YouTube. I was burned out. I did not edit videos or start new YouTube videos. It was nice to just live my life without being under pressure to help people. My Life with a Vent YouTube channel has become a resource for many people to ask questions and request videos about various respiratory topics. I do not mind do this, but the stress it creates can be immense.

People will contact me and say they have to make a MAJOR decision about a medical issue. Can I do a video as soon as possible to help them sort things out? What people do not know is it takes about a MONTH to create a video. It takes time to research the subject, create a script, film, edit and upload the content. I have limited energy and fatigue quickly. Plus, I have a life to live such as going to doctors’ appointments, emergency department visits, having blood work done, etc. By the end of my week, I am crawling through my life, clawing to get through the day.



 

After spending some time off, I have to get back to my YouTube channel. Someone asked me to do a video on a subject I have almost no knowledge on. The person needs the video ASAP as he needs to make a decision if he wants to have the procedure done.



I am humbled people seek me out to help them through their journeys. I often beg God to let me quit this job, but I know, if God has allowed this YouTube channel to turn into what it has become, I should not hinder that. I need to serve others and be grateful I am able to help people. Now it is time to get going and create a new YouTube video.

So much paperwork!!!

Lately, my life has been full of stress and craziness. I had an infection, and had to fight to get antibiotics for it. There were problems with my doctor’s office getting the paperwork, and then the pharmacy had issues too. Finally, that hurdle was cleared.

Next, I have had issues with my insurance. I prefer to not go into the the details, but in general I had to submit 26 pages of documentation to proof my medical issues. When that was done, without warning, I was sent another large packet of paperwork which had to be completed in ONE day.

After frantically getting that done, it was submitted on time. In classic form, I was never contacted about the outcome of the case. Another medical company alluded to it in a correspondence I received. So, unofficially, the paperwork was accepted, and my insurance continues on.

When I thought I had all that resolved, then another issue came up. I had to submit more paperwork. I had to outline medical expenses and submit receipts for medical items and services I need. Thankfully, that was only about a 4-5 hour setback.

When I thought I had all that done, I got a call from my insurance. This was an interrogation call to make sure things I had submitted were accurate. The call ended I think on a good note. There is one more form I have to fill out, and then may be I am done with this craziness for a while.

There is no guarantee when my insurance will throw me another curve ball. I am happy this is all behind me, but I know at any moment, my insurance may again require mountains of paperwork and proof of my medical conditions.

I am so tired. I wish there was an easy way.

Exhaustion: The Leap from Fatigue

For many who suffer from chronic illness, the one symptom most have is fatigue. It is constant tiredness which does not go away. No matter how much sleep a person gets, he can wake up feeling just as tired (or sometimes even more tired) than before falling asleep.

For the last week, I have been struggling to get things done. I push myself to fight through the fatigue. My body revolts. It screams in pain. I concentrate even harder at the task which is before me. Suddenly, exhaustion hits. For me, this is the point in which my body shuts down. It does not matter how urgent or necessary something is, my body refuses to function.

I lay on my bed. My head screams in pain. My muscles throb with pain. My brain is a hot mess. Nothing makes sense. All I want to do is sleep, but I am beyond tired. Sleep is fleeting.

Exhaustion is probably one the most frustrating symptoms for someone who has chronic illness. Many people cannot imagine what it is like to hit this brick wall called exhaustion. It does not matter how much will power or desire a person has to complete a task, once exhaustion arrives, the body refuses to cooperate.

Another Week, Another Death

When having chronic medical conditions, it is always wonderful to find other people who have the same medical challenges. Unfortunately, many of my health issues often lead to complications, many of which are life ending.

I have lost so many friends in the last several years. I try to not make any more friends because I cannot endure the loss of another life.

Someone once told me I was over-exaggerating. Everyone loses friends. Perhaps that is true, but just in the last five weeks, five friends have passed away.

When I heard of the passing of another dear soul this week, my poor heart shattered into a million pieces. This person was extremely nice and kind. She tremendously helped me when I got my tracheostomy tube in May 2017.

I wish death would stop coming. I wish just for a year, I did not lose a loved one. Chronic illness is hard, and it is even harder when I am constantly reminded that death is never far away.

Devastated…Absolutely devastated

My attention to Facebook in the recent months has waned. I have so many things going on. I struggle to keep up with just my social media accounts. I only look at a few Facebook posts a week.



My friend, Ashlee, was one of the people I kept up with. She had severe gastroparesis, that is, delayed stomach emptying. She fought hard through some harrowing battles. She always bravely displayed a smile to let the world know she would make it through another hospital stay.

During her most recent hospitalization, she was admitted because she was having seizures. They did not know why she kept having them. After she had been seizure-free for 24 hours, she was allowed to go home.

Three days later, she suffered a seizure. Unfortunately, she did not pull through it.

I am absolutely devastated. Sometimes, you see things coming, but this was so unexpected. She was given the green light to go home. Her last Facebook post reads, “Made it thru another admission, I'm going home and I better freaking stay there!!!!” It seems Ashlee got her wish. She will never have to endure another hospitalization again.

May her memory be a blessing.