For the last several years, I have been in a fierce battle. I have been trying to find a happy medium between serving myself and serving others. The needs of others are immense. People are constantly screaming for me to help them. I do what I can. I answer messages, comments, emails, etc. sometimes into the wee hours of the morning. Sometimes people say, "Thanks." And then there are those who never acknowledge I spent several hours answering all their inquiries.
This spring, I began a new endeavor--leading a 13 week grief support group. The group in and of itself was nothing too strenuous. It was no problem for me to encourage people to share their grief. The biggest issue for me is to travel 30 minutes to the location, set-up the room, do the support group, tear down the room and then travel 30 minutes back home. When I arrived home, I went straight to bed for a few days. My body does not have 3.5 hours of energy to devote to such a task.
This summer (with the grief support group finished), I was planning on taking a break. I want time to work on my book. Of late, I have been scrambling just to get my YouTube videos out. The thought of having some time to just rest seems like a dream.
However, a new dilemma has arisen. There is a possibility I can do a new session of the 13 week grief support group at a local community center which is just down the street from me. I would not have to travel to and from the venue, and I would not have to set-up the space. I crave so desperately to have some time off, but I wonder if that would be a mistake. So many people are hurting and desperately need a grief support group.
I know the days I have on earth are very limited. I need to make the most out of them. If I am not doing something productive, I have a tremendous sense of guilt that I am not doing what God wants me to do. My biggest fear is that after I die I will be scolded by God for wasting time. I dread hearing the words, "You wicked and slothful servant. I gave you so much, but instead you wasted your life by laying in bed." The great debate of serving myself versus serving others rages on.
There's nothing slothful about you; even we human beings know that, and how much more our Elder Brother Jesus and our Loving Father God know you... better than you know yourself. Take the necessary breaks you need; they're essential to your well-being, which in turn is necessary to your being available to our Loving Father's plans and power to fulfill those plans. Try to see yourself as our Loving Father God always sees you-- when He looks at you, He sees Jesus because He's hidden you in Him.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much. I appreciate all the insight and information. Thank you for all your kindness.
DeleteJesus Himself took time to withdraw and fill up his soul with communion with His Father as well as to find some physical relief from the pressure the crowds placed on Him. He could have ministered to people nonstop. But He needed that retreat with His Father to keep His focus on His Father's will and find strength for the journey to the cross. In your times of quiet and stillness with God, I pray that He will shower you with His Light and Love, bring peace to your heart that He delights in your service and also in you rest. You are always and inspiration to me by your earnest attention to redeem your days. May you receive an abundant portion of God's grace and power sufficient for the assignments He has for you.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much. What great insight. I really appreciate it. Thank you for all your prayers and kindness.
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