Stepping back, Going Forward, Trying to Adjust to My Health

Every day I go about my life often believing there is nothing wrong with my heath or that any medical compliant is only temporary. It is often hard for me to accept any change in my well-being. I do not want to give in or give up to my illnesses.

My memory seems to forget how old I am. I imagine I am in my 20’s still full of life and endless possibilities. When I look in the mirror, my eyes pause. When did I get so old? My eyes do not align; my left eyelid droops and is lower than my right; the right side of my face is relaxed while the left side of my face has involuntary muscle tightness. I wonder when my face started showing signs of my disease.

More and more frequently, I am having pain and fullness in my ears. My hearing waxes and wanes. I tell myself this is just a minor symptom which will be going away soon. I hope and pray this does not stay.

I struggle to get through the day. I used to have more energy in the evenings, but now by 6 p.m. I am fighting to stay awake. I tell myself it is from the sun setting early. In the spring, things will be better.

I am trying to adjust to my health, but as with anything new, it is hard. How do I make the most of my time and energy? How do I continue to live without allowing my medical conditions to rule my life? Each day, it is as if I try to move forward, but instead I take a step back. Things I love to do are getting harder and harder to do.

After so many years of struggling with chronic medical challenges, people may think I should be a master of my health by now. Unfortunately, nothing ever stays the same—for better, for worse.

I am making changes to my life in 2022. I hope it is for the best. It is hard to accept my health is declining. Instead, I am believing these changes will improve my well-being. May 2022 be your best year yet! Happy New Year!

Did I sin?

Today I went to a medical center to have lab work done. After leaving the lab, I was looking for the bathroom. I saw a woman and a small child walking toward me. I turned and started moving in front of the two. When I saw the sign for the bathroom, I rushed down the corridor toward the restroom.

Upon opening the bathroom door, I was shocked the bathroom only had one toilet in a small room. I felt bad. What if the woman and child needed to use the bathroom? They would have to wait if I was using the bathroom. I pushed the thought aside. There were many medical offices in this building. They were most likely going to a doctor’s office for an appointment.

During this time, my body was shaking. My heart was racing. I was very agitated. My blood sugar was low and was plummeting fast. I needed to get out to the car as soon as possible or I would crash into a bad hypoglycemia episode. I needed to hook up my IV nutrition called TPN to infuse sugar into my bloodstream. This would raise my blood sugar. Time was of the essence.

I locked the door and did my business as fast as possible. When I exited, the woman and the small child were waiting. I felt really bad. I guess they also needed to use the bathroom. Did I sin? Should I have waited for the pair and asked if they needed to use the bathroom and allowed them to go first?

 

31 tomatoes…An Unexpected Blessing!

Over the weekend, my mom attended a farmer’s market. She called me as she went from vendor to vendor asking what produce items I wanted. When she came to one stall, she asked me if I wanted tomatoes. I said, “Yes, three or four tomatoes would be great.” My mom replied she did not have a lot of money with her. I then said, “That is fine. Get me one or two tomatoes.” The phone conversation ended.

When my mom arrived home, she gave me many surprise items such as fresh green beans, lettuce, salad mix and of course tomatoes. When I was emptying one shopping bag, there were three bags of tomatoes. I then sorted through another shopping bag which had another bag of tomatoes. I was confused. I thought, “Why did my mom get so many tomatoes?” I then asked my mom this question.

She told me that is what I had asked for. I had wanted 3-4 bags of tomatoes. I laughed. I said, “No. I wanted 3-4 TOMATOES not BAGS of tomatoes!” As I took the tomatoes out of the plastic bags, I counted. There were 31 tomatoes! I laughed. Oh my! What am I going to do with so many tomatoes.

I have a recipe for jambalaya. It uses fresh tomatoes. Since getting fresh tomatoes is often hard, I make the entree sparingly. Well, it seems now I have fresh tomatoes. So jambalaya here I come!

When the dish was finished cooking, I eagerly used a ladle to scoop out some stew and placed it into a bowl. I then enjoyed the delicious contents. OH MY!!! This was so good! I had forgotten how sumptuous this food was. And just like that. My 31 tomatoes were turning into an incredible blessing. I have about 25 more tomatoes left. My mind is dreaming of all the delicious food these tomatoes will make.

Ice Road Trucker: I met a SUPER Star!

Recently, as I was getting ready for Bible study, I was notified three people who regularly attend could not come. I was really bummed. On any given night, there are between two and seven people. With three people not coming (plus one person who is out of town for a few weeks), we were down to three people attending the study.

When I arrived at study, it was just me and another person. I waited and waited. At 6:30, there was still just the two of us. I was really bummed. Bible study works best if there are at least three people. Perhaps tonight just wasn’t my night.

At 6:34, there appear to be two cars which pull into the parking lot. There are other activities going on. I assure myself, the cars are for the other events. Shorty thereafter, a gentleman walks into the building. I ask him if he is looking for Bible study. He says he is. I tell him I am with the Bible study. He then informs me he will be right back. He needs to tell his wife they have found Bible study. A few moments later, the man and his wife into the building. On their heels is the other person who regularly attends. She apologizes for being late.

I am beaming with excitement. We now have five people! This is going to be a great study. Before beginning our session, the couple divulges information. They are from Canada. They are in the process of closing on a home. They need to be back to Canada before the end of the year. The man works as an ice road trucker.

Upon hearing the man is an ice road trucker, I nearly leap out of my skin. AN ICE ROAD TRUCKER!!! That is one of my FAVORITE occupations! I learned about it watching shows on the Discovery channel many years ago. The man tells us a little bit about his job. I am glued to my seat. I am so excited. I really want to take a photo with the man, but I think that will be too weird. I am just over the moon to meet someone who works an amazing and vital job. Truck drivers are under-appreciated in our society, but they are the ones who keep countries open and operating.

For the rest of the night, I am praising God over and over again for sending these people to the Bible study. It was definitely a highlight for my week and probably my year. I feel like I just met a SUPER STAR!