Exhaustion: The Leap from Fatigue

For many who suffer from chronic illness, the one symptom most have is fatigue. It is constant tiredness which does not go away. No matter how much sleep a person gets, he can wake up feeling just as tired (or sometimes even more tired) than before falling asleep.

For the last week, I have been struggling to get things done. I push myself to fight through the fatigue. My body revolts. It screams in pain. I concentrate even harder at the task which is before me. Suddenly, exhaustion hits. For me, this is the point in which my body shuts down. It does not matter how urgent or necessary something is, my body refuses to function.

I lay on my bed. My head screams in pain. My muscles throb with pain. My brain is a hot mess. Nothing makes sense. All I want to do is sleep, but I am beyond tired. Sleep is fleeting.

Exhaustion is probably one the most frustrating symptoms for someone who has chronic illness. Many people cannot imagine what it is like to hit this brick wall called exhaustion. It does not matter how much will power or desire a person has to complete a task, once exhaustion arrives, the body refuses to cooperate.

Another Week, Another Death

When having chronic medical conditions, it is always wonderful to find other people who have the same medical challenges. Unfortunately, many of my health issues often lead to complications, many of which are life ending.

I have lost so many friends in the last several years. I try to not make any more friends because I cannot endure the loss of another life.

Someone once told me I was over-exaggerating. Everyone loses friends. Perhaps that is true, but just in the last five weeks, five friends have passed away.

When I heard of the passing of another dear soul this week, my poor heart shattered into a million pieces. This person was extremely nice and kind. She tremendously helped me when I got my tracheostomy tube in May 2017.

I wish death would stop coming. I wish just for a year, I did not lose a loved one. Chronic illness is hard, and it is even harder when I am constantly reminded that death is never far away.

Devastated…Absolutely devastated

My attention to Facebook in the recent months has waned. I have so many things going on. I struggle to keep up with just my social media accounts. I only look at a few Facebook posts a week.



My friend, Ashlee, was one of the people I kept up with. She had severe gastroparesis, that is, delayed stomach emptying. She fought hard through some harrowing battles. She always bravely displayed a smile to let the world know she would make it through another hospital stay.

During her most recent hospitalization, she was admitted because she was having seizures. They did not know why she kept having them. After she had been seizure-free for 24 hours, she was allowed to go home.

Three days later, she suffered a seizure. Unfortunately, she did not pull through it.

I am absolutely devastated. Sometimes, you see things coming, but this was so unexpected. She was given the green light to go home. Her last Facebook post reads, “Made it thru another admission, I'm going home and I better freaking stay there!!!!” It seems Ashlee got her wish. She will never have to endure another hospitalization again.

May her memory be a blessing.

Help! My mom fell, and my ventilator got LOCKED in a room!

The last two days have been extremely chaotic. Monday, I spent the day getting blood work done and waiting for my doctor at an appointment. The doctor never showed up. Thankfully, a nurse did the appointment. I have pneumonia and need IV antibiotics. The medicine was ordered.

Yesterday, I spent the morning on the phone with the infusion pharmacy and doctor’s office. The prescription was not sent to the pharmacy. Then, the prescription was sent to the wrong pharmacy. Now I begin the waiting game. It sometimes takes a week for all the paperwork to be properly submitted by my doctor’s office to the pharmacy so the medicine can be sent to me.



My blood work was resulted yesterday. I do indeed have a bacterial infection. My body is working hard to fight off the flare-up of a chronic bacteria which lives in my lungs. I have been sick for two weeks.

Yesterday afternoon, I had to put all my respiratory equipment away as Terminix was coming. I cannot have Terminix spray any place near my equipment. I have to put everything in a closet and seal the closet.

As I was doing this, my mom fell outside on the concrete. She was very banged up. She needed to make supper and get it in the oven. Thankfully, it was only throwing a few ingredients in a dish and mixing in a few spices. I was scrambling to do this for my mom as I knew Terminix was coming at any moment!

I also did a few medical assessments on my mom. She was concerned about her bloody mouth and the injuries she sustained to her face. I was concerned about her severely injured arm. (At first, she seemed clueless she had even hurt her arm. I was alarmed because I saw it was cut up and badly bruised. I could see it swelling in size right before my eyes.) Additionally, she was in shock. I kept a close eye on her as shock can be very dangerous. I had to make sure she did not have any complications. I filled several plastic zip top bags with ice to help with the pain and swelling in her face, wrist, arm and shoulder.

Before I was done throwing supper into the oven, Terminix arrived. I praise God, my dad had a lot of questions for the man. So it delayed the man about 15-20 minutes, and it gave me precious time to finish throwing supper in the oven, and grabbing clothes, Bible study materials and my ventilator equipment as I dashed out the door.  I quickly did one last assessment on my mom, and seeing she seemed to be stable, I bolted out of the house.

I cannot be in the house when Terminix sprays. We try to arrange these visits when I am in the hospital, at a medical appointment or have Bible study. Last night was Bible study night. I went to the community hall which is just down the street from my home. I went into the community hall. I set-up my heated humidifier and ventilator. I changed my clothes and combed my hair. I rested for a few minutes, allowing myself to calm down as I cooled off. (I was DRENCHED in sweat!)



I then decided I should take my clothes and place them back in the car. Since I had already taken my ventilator and heated humidifier into the community hall and had everything set-up, I decided to leave my respiratory equipment alone. I was just going to be right outside the front door. My medical equipment should be fine. I can breathe for a few minutes on my own.

When I returned from the car, the door to the room in which we have Bible study was LOCKED!!! I was dumb-founded! How can this be!? I knew at once, security must have locked the door. But this was so strange! There was a farmer’s market in the parking. They still needed access to the room and adjacent rooms to put away the tables. Why would anyone lock the door!?



I was absolutely panicked! People from Bible study were arriving. The door was locked. I did not have my ventilator. I frantically searched for security’s phone number. I told one person to go look for security. The man could not be too far away.



THANK GOD the man from security was found a short ways away intermingling with the farmer’s market staff. The man opened the door. He asked, “You have Bible Study tonight?” He also said, “You know, I saw the medical equipment set-up in there. I thought someone might need that.”



I was too flabbergasted and overwhelmed with panic to reply to the man. I hooked up to my ventilator and gulped down precious air as I tried to get rid of all the carbon dioxide which had built up in my body.

Praise be to God, Bible study went wonderfully. It was one of the best studies I have ever attended!

When I came home, I re-evaluated my mom. Her arm was very bruised. It did not appear anything was overtly broken, but I was concerned she could have a hairline fracture. I told her she should go to the emergency department and be evaluated.

My mom went to the emergency department. X-rays revealed no broken bones in her arm. (She still needs to be evaluated for her back, neck, head and shoulder, but that will wait until she can see her regular medical team.) She is very bruised and in a lot of pain, but we were all reminded of what a blessing her relatively minor injuries were. Shortly after arriving at the emergency department, a number of people involved in a BAD car accident came pouring into the hospital. Someone ran a red light and hit about 5 or 6 cars. How very blessed we were we were not involved in that car crash!