How to Not Win Friends at the Store

Today was a big day. I was going to go to Kohl's to spend money a relative had given me. I had $5 in Kohl's Cash, a $5 off coupon and a 20% off coupon. I do not like shopping. So, I made a plan. I was going to look at skirts. I could really use a skirt which fits me. Many of my skirts were given to me, and the waist is too large. I have to tuck the waist band of the skirt into the waist band of my compression stockings. If the skirts would be made from cotton, I think this trick would work. However, since the skirts are polyester (and my compression stockings are polyester), the two slippery materials seem to repel each other. (Yes, my skirt has fallen down in public. It was not too embarrassing because I was wearing waist high compression stockings.)

Upon arriving at the store, I did not find any skirts to my liking (or price range). I then ventured off to the clearance racks. I looked for skirts there. I did not find any. I did find a beautiful black and gold dress. I really wanted to buy it, but where would I wear such a fancy dress? I continued on.

As I was looking through items, I stumbled upon a very pretty long sleeved top. An idea popped into my head. Yes, I could buy some tops to wear for my YouTube videos. My wardrobe is pretty slim. Moreover, some tops I have do not look good on camera. I then began looking at tops.

I found a couple really nice sweaters. Since it is summer, the sweaters were discounted down to $12 each. I grabbed a couple and headed for the changing room. One sweater I really liked, but the top was very tight. I would look GREAT on camera, but I would only be able to wear it while filming. The arms fit snugly. Since I have a PICC line in my arm, I avoid tight sleeves. The PICC line gets caught on the sleeve. If I move my arm, the PICC line gets pulled on, which causes pain and/or can pull out the line. I moved on.

In the end, I found one long sleeved top and two sweaters. One sweater I definitely wanted, while the other sweater was a maybe. I am not sure how the one sweater will look on camera. If it does not look good, there is no reason for me to keep it.

When I got to the register, I gave the cashier everything--the clothes, coupons and Kohl's cash. As the man was ringing everything up, a thought popped into my head. If I decide to return the one sweater, the Kohl's cash and $5 off coupon would be partially refunded. I would get about $1.50 back on the Kohl's cash and $1.50 back on the coupon. I would not get the full refund. I would be forced to buy something else to use up the $3.

During this thinking session, the man asked if I wanted to use my Kohl's Rewards. My relative has two phone numbers she uses. I entered the first number. The machine stated that number was not linked to a Kohl's Rewards account. I tried to enter the second phone number, but before I was able to punch in all the digits, that screen disappeared, and a new screen telling me the amount of purchase appeared. I told the man I was not able to enter the Kohl's Rewards phone number. The man punched a few buttons on his computer. It took some time, but eventually, I was able to enter my relative's phone number. And hooray, that phone number had a Kohl's Rewards account attached to it.

After completing the transaction, I decided I should only buy the two items I wanted and use the $5 off coupon, 20% and $5 in Kohl's cash on those items. The sweater I was not sure if I wanted I should buy separately, using the 20% off a second time. That way, if I decided to return the sweater, I would get a full refund because the Kohl's Cash and $5 off coupon would be applied only to the sweater I wanted and the long sleeved top.

When the man was handing me the receipt, I said, "Can you void this transaction? Can you just put this sweater and the top on the receipt?" Well, those words were not the man's love language. From the man's reaction, you would have thought I smashed into his car. Calm, joy and tranquility had left the building.

The man hastily returned the items and muttered incomprehensible words under his breath. To repurchase the sweater and top, it took the man quite a bit of work. He had to re-scan all my coupons. I tried to enter my relative's phone number into the key pad, but once again, before I was able to do so, the screen changed and now told me my total. I told the man I was not able to enter my Kohl's Rewards information. The man told me it did not matter. I was paying with a Kohl's credit card. I would automatically get credit for the purchase. I was incredulous about this information because I know from experiences at other chains, a person always has to enter his rewards number in addition to using the store's credit card. I gave the man the benefit of the doubt. I inserted the credit card and moved on to my second transaction.

I had the cashier put the sweater I was undecided if I wanted on a separate receipt. This time, I was able to input my relative's phone number into the keypad and hit enter before the screen changed. I inserted the credit card. When the transactions were completed, I left the store.

Upon entering the car, I saw on the bottom of my second transaction, the receipt thanked me for being a rewards member. Then there was information which stated how much rewards money was generated from the purchase and the new rewards account balance. I looked at the receipt from my other transaction. None of this information was on the receipt. I immediately knew what the cashier had told me, "Don't worry, you are using the Kohl's credit card, the rewards number is automatically added," was not true. 

I decided, "Well, I am already completely exhausted from this whole ordeal. I mind as well go for the gold."

I went back into the store. God was very kind. Although there had been a line at the registers, now there was no one in line. I was able to go directly to the register and said, "Excuse me sir. I need you to redo this purchase. You told me my rewards number would automatically be entered if I used a Kohl's credit card. That is not true. As you can see, on the bottom of the second receipt, the one where I was able to enter the number, it states I received rewards money for the purchase. But on the first transaction, that information is not there. I did not get rewards credit for the first transaction."

The man's face became a collection of rage and frustration. Thankfully, a female supervisor was standing next to the man. She told the male cashier, "Don't worry. I will handle this."

The female employee went into the male cashier's computer. She pulled up the transaction and voided it. She typed something into the computer She then told me to input the Kohl's Rewards number. I did so. She then had me pay for the purchase. I was given the receipt, and the Kohl's Rewards information was at the bottom.

I smiled and thanked the woman. I told both of them to have a great day. The male cashier stayed turned away from me and did not acknowledge my words. 

As I was exiting the store, I looked at the bottom of the receipt. If I decide to keep the second sweater, then my relative has now earned enough rewards to qualify for a $5 off coupon next month. I was so delighted that I had decided to go back into the store to get the rewards credit.

When I got home, I told my relative about the whole ordeal. The relative was very excited to hear he now has $5 to spend next month at Kohl's. I told my relative, "I know the perfect cashier you should visit with that coupon..."

The Perfect Parking Spot

Yesterday, I had to go to a doctor's appointment. Since it was a 3:30 p.m. appointment, we decided to stop at the grocery store before the appointment because I would most likely not get out of my appointment until around 5 p.m. At that time of day if we tried to go to the grocery store, we would have to fight traffic and lots of people at the store. It was very warm yesterday. (It was so warm, my sweat was sweating.) So, I brought along a cooler and ice packs to keep our groceries cool, and we picked up groceries before my appointment.

Parking at the doctor's office in the afternoon is always a challenge. There are many doctors and other medical services in the building complex. There are plenty of parking spaces. However, since all the offices are only one story tall, there is only a single row of parking stalls near each office's entrance. For my doctor's office, this means there are only about 10 parking stalls. If any additional parking is needed, a person has to park behind the building and then walk around the building and up a small hill to the office's entrance.

With that all being said, I hoped we would be able to park near the doctor's office. To my shock, directly across from the doctor's office, there was a parking space AND it was in the shade! A small tree was growing in front of the parking stall. Its leaves and branches provided complete shade for this one parking spot. On the right and left of the stall, the tree provided only partial shade. We gleefully took this close, shaded space.

As always, the medical provider was running late. By the time I got out of my appointment, it was a few minutes after 5 p.m. I hoped it was not extremely hot in the car. I hoped our groceries were still good. To my absolute delight, when I entered the car, it was warm, but not hot inside. The shade from the tree did an amazing job protecting our car from the sun and prevented our car from heating up.

When we arrived home, I was thrilled the ice packs and coolers kept our groceries cold. I profusely thanked God for His abundant kindness. Out of the hundreds of parking spaces at the medical complex, the perfect spot was waiting for us--close to the entrance to my doctor's office and in the shade. What a blessing.

Happy Ninth Anniversary! How Things Have Changed

Nine years ago, I was at a turning point in my life. My best friend, Milly, had passed away from complications from Mitochondrial Disease. Milly had a YouTube channel. I thought about starting a YouTube channel in her honor, but I did not have a computer with a camera. 

Furthermore, I knew NOTHING about creating YouTube videos. Instead, I decided to create a blog. What I could never have imagined is how instrumental starting a blog would be for my (future) YouTube channel. Every week, I looked forward to posting on my blog. I thought long and hard about the words and stories I wished to tell. I wrote and re-wrote many posts. Writing my blog was my mission and my passion.

Surprisingly, my blog reached an audience far and wide. At one time, I counted people from over 70 countries had visited my blog. Not too bad for a blog I did not promote or advertise. In 2020, after being dared by my mom to post a YouTube video, I switch my time from writing blog posts to creating YouTube scripts. I thought, perhaps, having this blog may have been a waste of my time. But, as time progressed, this blog became a HUGE asset. 

Many things happened starting in August 2016. For example, at the end of August (2016), I began having severe difficulty breathing. And from there, I began my adventures trying to medical treatment for my respiratory failure. 

I have read and re-read some of posts to get an understanding of the emotions I was feeling and also the things I went through. I have used many of my blog posts as the basis for a number of my YouTube videos. One video in particular, someone accused me of "not remembering events correctly" because it happened a few years ago. I chuckled because the entire script for that video was almost an exact copy of several of my blog posts, which were written immediately following the events. 

This blog never turned out the way I had imagined it would. I dreamed this blog would create a huge following and would be a blessing to people all around the world. This blog never attained a massive following. However, my YouTube channel has. I wish I had more time and energy to devote to my blog, but I end up spending almost every free moment I have doing something related to YouTube. 

As my YouTube channel has grown, more people are visiting this blog. I have told myself over and over again, I will post more on my blog, but so far, that has not happened. (I actually have posts I really want to publish. I just forget to come on here and publish them as the days speed by.) 

To all those who have supported me on my blog, thank you so much. This blog means a lot to me...and hopefully, I will be more diligent to post more in the future. (I mean, you-all should be proud of me. I am getting this post published on time!) Happy Birthday to this blog. I hope everyone has a great weekend.

I Wonder How This is Going to End

Do you ever wonder how a situation is going to end? That has been on my mind lately. A medical complication, which is very easy to treat, has tossed around from doctor to doctor. No one wants to give me the proper treatment for it. I get a little bit of medicine, start to feel great, and then the medicine ends. My symptoms come roaring back.

Despite the simple conclusion, the medicine was working and now the symptoms have come back because the medicine is no longer being administered, I am given excuses why I cannot continue to receive treatment. A normal treatment protocol is 3-4 months. However, after I am given two weeks of the medicine, I am told I have received enough.

When I become very sick again, medical personnel seem perplexed. Two weeks of the medicine should have been more than enough. When finally more medicine is given, it takes me two weeks to get back to where I was when the first two weeks of treatment ended. And once again, the treatment ends.

The is a real possibility starting and stopping the medicine will cause my body to become resistant to the drug. Medical providers seem to be oblivious to this. 

In desperation, I saw my primary care provider today. I was shocked to learn I had lost seven pounds in five weeks. She was very concerned. Although she could order the medicine for me, she feels very ill-equipped to treat me. Instead, she referred me to the emergency department.

Normally, I would not go to the emergency department (ED). My health issue, at the moment, is not a life-threatening event. The ED will most likely tell me to follow-up with my doctor. And another spin around the merry-go-round I go.

I wonder how this is going to end. If my medical issue is not treated properly and completely, there is a possibility it will kill me. My body does not produce blood results which cause any concern from medical providers. My body is tired. It does as little as possible. Numbers will not elevate...and according to EDs and doctors who do not know me very well, if my blood work "looks" normal, then it is normal. Please disregard the person laying on the gurney clinging for life. Despite her skin looking a deathly green, she is "fine" because her blood work is normal. 

Oh My Head, My Head!

For a while now, I have been fighting an infection in my brain. I had have infections in many parts of my body but never in my brain. The infection in my brain causes headaches, dizziness, bouts of confusion, neck pain, neck stiffness, fatigue and hearing loss. I was on medicine, but then it was stopped. Although I was still quite sick, I was assured I was all better. After I stopped taking the medicine, the symptoms came back with a vengeance. Thankfully, I have been restarted on the medicine for the moment.

As I have been reading up on the infection, I found out when the micro-organism dies off, it produces the same symptoms as the infection. The toxins released by the micro-organism overwhelm the liver. Because the liver is not able to process all the toxins, the toxins then wreak havoc on the body. Thus, it is hard to know if the infection is getting better or worse.

I am a strong believer that all medicines have their counterpart in nature. I have been researching my infection and natural alternatives to the medicine I am taking. I stumbled across information about how to help the body better metabolize the toxins--magnesium, vitamin C, milk thistle, and molybdenum. Thankfully, I have everything except the molybdenum. This morning, I ordered molybdenum.

There is always a fine line I walk between health and death. Once again, I am walking that line. If the infection is not killed off, it will most likely kill me. I wish things did not have to be so challenging, but at least there is a possibility I may soon be rid of the infection.

Running a frustrating race. Trying to stay calm.

Since I was dismissed from the hospital, I have been trying to get an infectious disease doctor to take up my medical case. But, things have been fraught with roadblocks. The one medical center I really wanted to go to, despite me sending them all my medical records, did not review my case. Without a doctor reviewing the case (and agreeing to take me as a patient), I could not schedule an appointment.

I then saw my primary care provider. I hoped getting a referral to the infectious disease doctor would expedite things. However, the medical provider could not find that particular location in her system. She found a satellite clinic and told me that would be good enough. They are all in the same hospital system. All the clinics in that hospital system should be able to see the referral.

When I contacted the main medical clinic, I was told I could not be seen by them because the referral was sent to the satellite location. So, I called the location where the referral was sent to. The woman did not think I could be seen at that location. I am too medically complex. But, nonetheless, she sent in a request for one of the doctors to review my case. The woman promised to call me back.

When I did not receive a callback, I called the satellite clinic again. I again talked to the very sweet receptionist. She put me on hold and called the doctor. The doctor quickly reviewed my case and said I was too medically complex. I needed to be seen at the main medical center location.

I called the main medical center and explained the satellite clinic would not see me. I needed to be seen at the medical center. Finally, the woman said she would put the referral into the system. She said she would call me back with an appointment once the doctor approved the request. The clinic never called me back.

I researched other infectious disease doctors. This morning, I attempted to schedule an appointment at an infectious disease clinic. I was told I needed a referral. Also, since I had seen an infectious disease doctor while hospitalized, I needed to go and see that doctor. When I explained I cannot see that doctor because he refuses to see me in the outpatient setting, the clinic told me I had to have my primary care doctor call the office and speak to one of the infectious disease doctors. They then "might" consider to take me as a patient. 

I decided this was a futile cause. My primary care doctor does not know why the infectious disease doctor will not see me. All we know is every time I have tried to get an appointment with the infectious disease doctor, my appointment is cancelled, and I am not allowed to reschedule it.

I tried looking in another city for an infectious disease doctor. Although the internet said there were infectious disease doctors at a couple hospitals, when I contacted the hospitals, they said they did not have infectious disease doctors.

I next found an infectious disease doctor located in a distant city. I called, and praise be to God, this doctor did not require a referral. I was able to easily set-up an appointment. I am so relieved to finally be able to see an infectious disease specialist. I am hoping and praying the medical professional is able to provide excellent care to me.

Here Come the Negative Comments

This week, I released a video on YouTube documenting a recent hospitalization I had. In the video, I tried to be very mindful of what I said and what topics I included in the video. (I did this because I had a previous hospitalization video last year which received A LOT of criticism for me doing/saying certain things in the video.) I wanted to prevent as much negativity as possible from people who may disagree with something I say or do in the video.

With that said, I knew once I released the video, I would receive critical or even vile comments. And that has been true. Surprisingly, the comments were quite positive in the beginning. But, a day and a half after the video was published, the rude and condescending comments began trickling in. Ah, at last, the comments are here.

Angry meerkat. This meerkat does not represent anyone in this blog post. The image was used to express an emotion. If you believe this meerkat resembles anyone you know, it is "merely" a coincidence.

I will pull out two comments which struck my fancy. First, someone told me I need to think about helping others. I will not elaborate why the person said this. The comment had a negative tone to it. I was thunderstruck someone would suggest I need to THINK about helping others. In case people are not aware, I believe both my YouTube channels are ways I help others. In many videos, I provide educational training about various medical equipment, health conditions and medical devices. Moreover, the amount of time I spend corresponding with people from YouTube is truly mind-boggling. I often neglect my own personal care and well-being to sacrifice having time to communicate with others about topics ranging from trach tubes to ventilators to insurance issues to Mitochondrial Disease to hospice to...well, the list is endless.

There are also things I do offline. Although I may seem like a public person by sharing my life with the world on YouTube, there are many things I do not discuss. And many things I do in my life which are very personal and private. In short, I help people every day as much as I can. I do not need to think about helping others. Helping others is who I am and what I do.

The next YouTube comment which struck me as bizarre was one from a person who claimed to be a respiratory therapist. The person said I was faking everything. The person said my breathing and speaking did not match someone who was using a speaking valve. The person went on and on about this topic.

I found it odd the person would make such a comment because being a respiratory therapist, he/she should know people who have a trach and vent do not always use a speaking valve. Furthermore, the issue the person had was actually not a discrepancy. The person did not understand how speaking valves worked. The basis for the person's comment was entirely inaccurate.

Both these comments emphasized to me, people like to judge others before they know even a superficial amount of information about the other individual. Furthermore, the respiratory therapist's comment made me realize he/she did not have a good understanding of his/her medical field. Instead of saying I am faking my breathing/need for a ventilator, the proper thing to do would be to ask why I speak and breathe the way I do. But, I suppose, it is much easier to hurl negative comments at someone than to find out a little bit more information about the person.

Of late, I have not used a lot Scripture in my blog posts. So, I will leave you with one of my favorite verses which seems apropos for this situation: "Even fools who keep silent are considered wise; when they close their lips, they are deemed intelligent" (Proverbs 17:28).

Racing against the clock. I am exhausted

Two weeks ago, I developed a serious infection. I was hospitalized and started on IV medicine. I was released from the hospital. Since coming home, I am doing poorly. I have a significant headache, neck stiffness and out of this world exhaustion. I am frequently short of breath and feel as though I cannot move without becoming dizzy.

I have reached out to specialists to help me. However, no one has reviewed my case. I saw my primary care provider. She sent in a referral, but the referral was faxed to the wrong clinic. (The doctor could not find the correct clinic in the system. Thus, she cannot fax it to the correct clinic.)

I am so tired fighting. The infection rages on.

I wonder why things have to be so hard. I know at any moment God can move mountains. God can arrange for me to be seen by a specialist. God can cure me. And yet, I wait. My IV medicine runs out next week. If I am not prescribed any more medicine, there is a high likelihood the infection will flourish.

Taking a break after 8.5 years

Eight and a half years ago, I began attending a Bible study. I love the group and always look forward to attending the sessions. The number of participants waxes and wanes. In days gone by, our low numbers used to be in the winter, and the group’s attendance soared in the summertime when other Bible studies went on a summer break.

However, of late, the reverse has been happening. The group’s numbers are larger in the winter and tiny in the summer. During the summer of last year, there were some weeks where I was the only participant.

With that being said, the decision was made to take off this year for the summer. It broke my heart to not meet, but I understood it was for the best. There was no need for me to come every week if a majority of the participants were going to be busy during the summer months.

Tonight was the first night I have not gone to Bible study in 8.5 years. (I have missed in the past due to illness and going out of town, but tonight was the first night I did not have any scheduling conflict and did not attend Bible study.) Oddly, I nearly forgot tonight was the night we usually have Bible study. Perhaps I have too many things going on in my life, and Bible study is no longer the one thing I look forward to every week. Or perhaps, after 8.5 years, I am ready for a break.

Giving it My All, and Yet Still Rejected

 Last week, I started a new endeavor. It was extremely stressful, but I made it through the event. I struggled all week to gain my energy back. This week, I again had a chaotic week. I exerted far too much energy on Monday. I was not able to rest all day yesterday (Tuesday) because I had Bible Study in the evening.

At Bible Study, two new people showed up. Despite having a headache and being in pain due to a back injury, I did my best to power through the night. The new people were very bold and told me I did not meet their expectations. I was rather mystified by this. Perhaps I did not gush over them, and did not ask about their families, their careers, where exactly in the community they lived, etc., but we were attending a Bible Study. I asked them some basic questions such as their names, where they were from and made some small talk with them for a few minutes. The group chatted briefly at the beginning when we discussed prayer requests. The new people did not wish to divulge anything at that time. Then, we discussed the Bible.

The night really wore me out. I did my best to include the new people in the conversation. By the end of the night, they seemed to be involved in the discussion, but then they both abruptly left because one of the new people had to get home for a Zoom meeting.

I put my heart and soul into things, and it often feels as though the world does not appreciate my efforts. Perhaps it is my tracheostomy tube and ventilator, my failing health or my desire that people feel welcomed, but at the end of the night, I felt like a complete failure...and the new people confirmed that with their words to me.

Today, I am extremely exhausted. It is hard to leave my bed. My head and back are raging in pain. I wonder why I endure so much. It would be so much simpler if I just stayed in bed all day and did not contribute anything to the world. My health would be better, and I would be in less pain.

The Great Debate: Serving Myself versus Serving Others

For the last several years, I have been in a fierce battle. I have been trying to find a happy medium between serving myself and serving others. The needs of others are immense. People are constantly screaming for me to help them. I do what I can. I answer messages, comments, emails, etc. sometimes into the wee hours of the morning. Sometimes people say, "Thanks." And then there are those who never acknowledge I spent several hours answering all their inquiries.

This spring, I began a new endeavor--leading a 13 week grief support group. The group in and of itself was nothing too strenuous. It was no problem for me to encourage people to share their grief. The biggest issue for me is to travel 30 minutes to the location, set-up the room, do the support group, tear down the room and then travel 30 minutes back home. When I arrived home, I went straight to bed for a few days. My body does not have 3.5 hours of energy to devote to such a task.

This summer (with the grief support group finished), I was planning on taking a break. I want time to work on my book. Of late, I have been scrambling just to get my YouTube videos out. The thought of having some time to just rest seems like a dream.

However, a new dilemma has arisen. There is a possibility I can do a new session of the 13 week grief support group at a local community center which is just down the street from me. I would not have to travel to and from the venue, and I would not have to set-up the space. I crave so desperately to have some time off, but I wonder if that would be a mistake. So many people are hurting and desperately need a grief support group.

I know the days I have on earth are very limited. I need to make the most out of them. If I am not doing something productive, I have a tremendous sense of guilt that I am not doing what God wants me to do. My biggest fear is that after I die I will be scolded by God for wasting time. I dread hearing the words, "You wicked and slothful servant. I gave you so much, but instead you wasted your life by laying in bed." The great debate of serving myself versus serving others rages on.

Just an Eerie Coincidence?

This week I did something I do not normally do--I filmed and edited a video to be released the same week. Normally, there is a lag time between filming, editing and uploading. However, since I have been extremely busy, I have almost zero videos ready for release. So, I set forth on this hurried mission.

Yesterday, as I was editing, I decided to include photos of two figure skaters. I am not sure why, but I felt as though I wanted to include photos of people figure skating in my video. I finished the final touches on the video this morning. I now need to upload the video to YouTube to be released on Sunday.

I heard about last night's plane crash in Washington, D.C. I was devastated to hear so many people died in the horrific accident. I then was further gutted when I learned 14 people who passed away were part of the figure skating community. Then a cold shiver ran down my back when I recalled yesterday I had an intense feeling I needed to honor figure skating in my video.

My deepest condolences to all those affected by the crash. May the memories of those who perished be a blessing.

Having my day planned...and then it all changes

Yesterday, I had a big day planned for myself. After feeling poorly for the first part of the week, I woke up yesterday morning after a very long night's worth of sleep and decided I was going to be productive. I needed to edit a YouTube video. I then had a few things I wanted to get done such as wiping off my bathroom counter and repairing some tears in my comforter.

I was getting ready to begin my day. I was so excited to finally be getting some YouTube editing done. Then, the phone rang. It was a family member who needed me to go with him to the city. I was bummed. Everything I had wanted to do for the day would be put on hold. However, I agreed to my relative's request.

As I was getting ready to leave, I realized I missed a telemedicine appointment. I frantically called my doctor's office, apologized for missing the televisit and asked to reschedule. Thankfully, I was able to get an appointment for later in the day.

When I got home in the afternoon, every fiber of my body throbbed with pain and exhaustion. My blood clots were raging out of control, causing a horrible headache. I crawled into bed and hoped taking many doses of blood thinning medicine would help. Eventually, the headache calmed down enough to allow me to sit up.

I logged into to my telemedicine appointment. The visit was extremely fast. I was so grateful the appointment went well.

I spent the night catching up on YouTube correspondence. I have been extremely behind on social media. As hard as I pushed myself, at 9 p.m., I decided it was time to go to bed for the night. I was too exhausted to keep my eyes open, and my head was throbbing.

I slept long, but when I woke up this morning, I was very tired. I could barely move my hands due to pain and muscle stiffness. I have attempted to be productive today, but I am just too fatigued to move. I suppose I should not be frustrated, but I am. I wanted to get a YouTube video edited so I could move on to other YouTube videos.

Hopefully, I will be able to rest this weekend, and start next week with more energy. Maybe one day, too, I will finally have the time and energy to repair my comforter. Have a great weekend.

Remember the world does not always like kindness

This week has been very chaotic. On Monday, I went to an event. A strange thing happened. Two people gave me compliments. I was shocked and stunned. As of late, so many people have vented their dislike of me, it was hard to accept kind words.

The following day, I met two new people. I did my best to be hospitable. Could I have done things differently? Yes. But I thought I was very cordial and tried hard to be kind to the people. The two people let me know they were displeased with me. As hard as I had tried and continued to try, the people did not like me.

Last night, I did something which is hard for me to do. I called someone on the phone. The phone call was one of concern. The person is having health issues. I wanted to get an update and ask if the person needed any prayers.

The phone call was a disaster. It was as if I walked into a land mine. The person was hostile towards me and was very upset I called. I wanted to ask the person a few things, but the phone call disconnected. I waited a few minutes, and then I called the person back. The person did not answer the phone. I left a message and asked the person to call me back. So far, my call has not been returned.

After the great start to the week, I need to remind myself there are those in the world who have an immense dislike towards me. I try to be nice. I try to be kind. But so often, as hard as I try, my efforts are met with disdain and hate. I have no animosity toward the people this week who were less than kind to me. In fact, I have prayed for them. They need peace, comfort and kindness in their lives. As much as I would like to give that to them, they cannot accept the gifts if they are unwilling to receive them. My heart aches as I think about these very broken people.

What is that smell...oh, it's me!

Many people in this world love showering. I am not one of those individuals. It takes a lot of effort to wrap up my IV line (PICC line) in plastic and keep it dry during my encounter with the water pouring down on top of me. I shower as fast as I can because the exercise in hygiene really tires me out.

And the part I hate the most is feeling "wet" for the next four hours (maybe more maybe less depending on the day). I do not like to feel damp. With having long hair, it takes about four hours for my hair to dry, and even after it dries, it still feels damp to me. My trach tube holder gets wet when showering, and it takes several hours for that to dry. It also does not matter how much I dry off my skin, my body just feels damp for several hours after showering.

With all that said, I do not like showering. I try to plan when I shower to when I film YouTube. My hair looks the best the day after I shower. So, I attempt to coordinate my showering with when I am going to film YouTube.

This week, my hair was a tangled mess from filming last week. (I usually have to use hair spray in my hair, but last week, my hair was doing its own thing. I had to use A LOT or hairspray to calm down my unruly hair.) I meant to wash my hair on Sunday because I had an appointment on Monday. However, that did not happen. I did my best on Monday to run a brush through my hair and pulled my hair into a braid.

My appointment went very awry, which caused me a lot of stress. Stress makes me sweat profusely. Even though I was freezing to death because the heat was not working in the building, after I left the appointment, I was drenched in sweat. When I got home, I stunk. I needed to shower. Unfortunately, I was far too exhausted to endure a shower.

A friend came in from out of town yesterday. I was able to meet her and talk with her. I hoped she did not notice that I really stunk. I was wearing several layers of clothing and hoped she did not breathe in when hugging me.

This morning, I took off my pajamas, and an awful odor hit my nostrils. I gasped to myself, "What is that smell?" I then realized it was me. I mustered up the strength and energy to take a shower by resting all morning. This afternoon, I endured the torture of taking a shower, and now I am battling my hair being wet and feeling gross because I showered. But at last, my hair is free from the hairspray, and I no longer smell.

Now that my hair is clean, I should probably film YouTube tomorrow. I have no scripts written and have no ambition. Perhaps tonight, I will be struck with an amazing burst of creative energy...if not, I will spend tomorrow lamenting that I have not filmed anything this week.

Happy New Year!

Time is a strange entity. My days seem to pass quickly, and yet, as I reflect that another year has passed, it seems like New Year's Day one year ago was so long ago. So much has happened. 

As I was riding in the car last night, enjoying a short ride through the neighborhood, I pondered the things I have done in the past on New Year's Eve and New Year's Day. I have celebrated at Disney World, Disneyland, Busch Gardens and have gone to the Rose Bowl Parade. I have done so many things, and yet, here I am doing what has been a recent tradition--staying home and resting. 

I watched the New Year's celebration in Hong Kong on television yesterday morning. I celebrated many hours too early because I knew I most likely would not be awake when midnight came. Perhaps one day, I might be able to travel to Hong Kong and experience it in person. The fireworks were quite spectacular.

My mom asked me this morning if I stayed up to ring in the New Year. I laughed and said, "I was in bed at 9:30 and was fast asleep by 10:30 p.m." (Our neighbors usually set off fireworks starting at 11:45 p.m. I slept right through their annual celebration.)

I hope this year is a year of health and energy. There are a number of things on my things to do list--continue writing my book, working on YouTube videos and sorting out some medical issues. I also hope my parents have a year of good health.

May 2025 be your bet year yet! Happy New Year!